The InBetween
by BlueBird Blues
Summary: - CURRENTLY UNDER CONSTRUCTION - A companion fic set between the events of Shiver and Heroes & Thieves.
1. Unbreakable

I am doing these in no particular order so, for starters here is the short and sweet:

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><p><strong>5. Unbreakable<strong>

Loki was enamored with Ellie's skin. Her arms, her legs, her stomach, her cheeks, the bridge of her nose, were all covered with tiny little freckles. It was an imperfection. And he was entirely enamored with her little imperfections.

The gods and goddess, even the mere residents or asgard, none of them had any of these so called imperfections. At least where looks were concerned. No, they were superior beings, whose forms had been crafted by a creation of much more meaning than these flighty mortals.

This anomaly, this lack of imperfection, had always bothered Loki. Though he never understood why. Until he discovered the number of imperfections that made up Ellie.

Perfectly formed beings, such as himself, were...dull.

With Ellie there was always something new, something different. And she was ever changing.

On this particular night, Loki was feeling bored. And he knew the very best way to end this boredom.

He turned his head away from the window and found his very own little bundle of imperfections lounging in the large bed. She was lying on her stomach, a pillow tucked under chest, reading the morning newspaper.

Loki slunk over to the bed, climbing over to her, his favorite prey. He kneeled beside her drinking in her image with his icy green eyes.

Ellie looked up from her paper and over her shoulder. "Yes?"

Loki returned her question with a slithery smile. His finger's trailed lightly up her back and he reveled in the shiver that ran up and down her spine. He gently pushed away the thin strap of her tank top.

The freckles he admired so much traveled up her arm and over her shoulder. Leaning down he traced the fair skin with his fingers.

As soon as he had started he stopped. Ellie looked up from her paper when she heard a rather sharp intake of breath. She tried to turn over so that she could look him in the eye, but his hand was firm on her shoulder, keeping her in place.

"Is something wrong?" She whispered, nerves beginning to crawl.

Something was wrong. In his explorations, Loki had found something amiss.

It was a scar. It was small and faint, but still recognizable. It was located on Ellie's back just above her left should blade. The contusion was pink and angry and stuck out on her back.

This was not the sort of imperfection that Loki enjoyed.

"You were recently injured?" He demanded to know.

"What?" Ellie said. "What are you going on about."

"A scar." Loki said, practically disgusted by it's presence on her skin.

"Is that all?" Ellie said, returning her eyes to her paper. _He can be so uppity. _

"What happened?" Loki implored, his hand running over the marred skin with great care.

"Nothing I can remember." Ellie shrugged. "Loki, it's only a scar. I've had it for years."

This puzzled Loki. He was a warrior. Not the warrior his brother was. Not the warrior Lady Sif was. Not the warrior the Warriors Three were. But a warrior none the less. He had seen the battlefield, he knew of wound and scars.

However, in the realm of Asgard even the most dire of wounds (and the scars they left behind) would vanish within a matter of days. How was it possible for Ellie to carry such a scar around for years?

He hated it. That little section of torn skin. He cursed himself for his lacking knowledge of healing. In Asgard he had servants who dealt with such trivial matters.

Although, here and now it seemed anything but trivial.

Tentatively, he leaned down pressed his lips against the wounded flesh.

Ellie twitched, raising her head again. This time she was able to turn herself about. Pulling herself into a sitting position she, pulled the strap of her tank top back over her shoulder.

Loki was staring off into some unknown distance, his eyes flooded with something Ellie could only identify as pain.

She touched his cheek and guided his gaze to her face.

"Are you alright?" She asked, concerned. "Loki, this is nothing to worry about."

Loki placed his hand over hers and then wrapped his fingers around her wrist.

"If I could," He said. "I would make you unbreakable."

It took Ellie a moment to understand what he meant. When she did, she felt the heaviness of his words sink her heart like a ship at sea. The sentiment was simple. He didn't want her to hurt.

She must have forgotten to breath. Letting her hand fall from his face, her gaze fell down.

"Thank you." She muttered, not knowing what else to say.

Loki removed himself from the bed, overcome with self-cynicism and horror at his own actions.

_She makes you a fool. _He admonished himself.

A voice that was usually trapped, locked away in the darkest depths of his heart broke free that day.

_**She is the only prey worth protecting. **_

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><p>Like I said, short and somewhat sweet. More to come soon enough!<p>

Thank you for reading.

BB


	2. Something

This one-shot is inspired by (and written with) George Harrison's lovely "Something." He gets credit for all things _**Italicized**_. My love for the Beatles, George in particular, is smashing into my love fore Loki.

Or should I say Loki's "love" for Ellie.

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><p>18. Something<p>

_**Something in the way she moves…**_

Loki watched Ellie as she walked slowly across the clean wood floor. Her feet were care and dragged carelessly across the smooth surface without making a ghost of a sound. She could be very graceful when she wanted to be. When she was aware of her every move, she floated like a swan on the surface of a lake. However, Loki had learned that Ellie was very rarely aware of herself. She often traipsed around half heartedly, her mind lost to another thought, another dream, another world.

…_**attracts me like no other lover…**_

Now she was terribly aware of everything she was doing. This he knew. From the days he had spent watching her in his feline form, to the time they had spent together, he knew almost everything about her. From the great thickness of her hair to the hundred of freckles that covered her skin. From the darkest recesses of her eyes to the slight grin on her lips. He desired it all. Every bit of her. He wanted to keep with him. Forever.

He wanted no longer for the women of Asgard, with their steely eyes and even steelier hearts. Ellie seemed like a completely different creature. And he knew she must look upon him in a similar light.

_**Something in the way she woos me…**_

Her hair was flung over one shoulder. Her body wrapped only in a sleek silvery robe. Her cool eyes were trained on him, scorching into him like a burning flame. A smile unlike anything he had seen before was tugging at her lips. It was almost a smirk and it fueled the fire in her eyes. Finally, she came to a stop in front of him. He sat, resting against the large chair in his usual form. Her bare knees brushed against the fabric of the chair, in between his legs. She looked down at him as he surveyed her.

_**Something in her smile shows me…**_

Slowly, she lowered herself into his lap, her legs draping themselves over the arm of the chair, her face so close to his. He could feel the warm breeze of her breath. It smelled of mint and strawberries. Her lips were so close to his, but never close enough. The very tip of her nose touched his. Her hand ran up the side of his facing, tracing the sharp turn of his jaw, brushing over his ear, and into his hair.

And still, that smile hung on her lips like a crown on the head of a queen. She knew well the power she could hold over him. Just as he had power over her. He would never admit that she had him. He was hers. And yet, he trusted himself to her. As days passed, she had grown more comfortable around him. He was starting to enjoy this terribly devious side to her. He wished to see more of it.

_**Something in the way she knows…**_

Her lips trailed over his face like lost butterflies. They found their way to the side of his face, he could feel her hot breath at his ear. He felt some strange feeling burst in his chest as her smile grew.

"Loki…"

To hear his name on her lips. To hear her speak to him with such trained seduction drove with entirely mad. He wanted to throw her down and ravage her right then and there. He could see it all in his head, she her smile, her eyes, her naked form shivering under his attentions.

His hand wrapped tightly around her shoulder, but she stilled him with a breathless laugh.

Her lips traveled down his neck, her tongue running down the cool skin.

"I don't think so…" She said. He moaned, not used to being denied in this way. Still, as much as he wished to own her, possess her, dominate her, some rakish pleasure coursed through his veins at her straight up refusals.

She moved rather quickly, straddling his lap and pressing her chest to his. He had to gaze upwards to see her. Tendrils of ginger hair, fell in her face and spilled over her shoulders. She bit down on her lip, as if she was beginning to regret the sudden temptress that was blossoming within her.

She moved to brush the rebellious strands of hair out of her face, but Loki trapped her wrist in a vice grip. He enjoyed seeing this wild, disheveled, altogether _sexy _side of her.

His gripped loosened and his hand slithered into hers. Their finger tangled together tightly, both afraid to let go. Afraid of losing whatever it was they had found in each other.

With wide eyes and pumping hearts, the pair stared at their folded hands, shocked and surprised by what they saw. Neither ever expected to find the other. Neither had ever dreamed of a moment like this one. So quiet, but loud.

In strange synchronization, their eyes tore away from their hands entwined and their eyes met. Their lips met with a storm's wild force. Heart leaping inside of their chests wishing to get closer.

Whatever this was.

At least it was something.

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><p>Another very short little thing. I want to post more to Shiver, but my computer bit the bullet and I had ¾ of the chapter written. And now I'm sulking. I will post as soon as I can. I promise. Thank you for reading and I would just love some reviews.<p>

BB


	3. Umbrella

When I was writing Shiver, I thought that Ellie would spend a long time being angry with Loki once he swept her off to NYC. But I already thought I was going slow and I didn't want the story to drag on and on, knowing I would write an Avengers sequel. So this little section got cut.

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><p>43. Umbrella.<p>

She was doing it again.

_Sulking. _Loki thought. _Like an immature little child. _

He had been working for days, shadowing Dr. Selvig, learning all he could about the only possible threat that existed on such a pitiful planet.

Whenever he returned to her, he found Ellie in a similar state of sulk. Most often she was draped in one of the large chairs by the fireplace, or slung over the bed, or standing by the window.

However, after several days, Loki realized it was not the sulking that bothered him. Actually, Ellie's sulking was actually a rather pleasant sight for his eyes. She was cute when she sulked; there was something graceful about her stringy, wavy hair, carefully pouting lips, and large sweaters.

It was what immediately followed the sulking, what Ellie did the minute Loki entered the room, that was beginning to weigh on Loki's black heart.

_Those eyes. _Loki thought.

Ellie would stare at him, a trove of emotions swirling in her dark eyes. She was using them as a weapon. At first, Loki could appreciate the attacks on his conscious. She didn't try to run again, after her first failed venture into the frozen park. She never yelled at him, or screamed, or cried. She barely spoke to him at all. Instead she would focus her gaze on him, relaying everything through those deep, endless pools.

As days passed, he found that stare of hers more and more grading. He was making progress with those SHEILD suits, and yet Ellie was stabbing through him every time he returned.

_Something will have to be done. _

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><p>He had hoped the rain would deter her. Mortals were so weak, that even a rain storm could leave them trapped in their homes, seeking shelter like vermin. However, it seemed that Ellie was unsinkable.<p>

"I can go outside?" Ellie said, just surprised by Loki's proposition as he was.

Loki stood by the door, nonplussed. Was he actually bending to those dark eyes? Appeasing her?

To further demonstrate the uselessness of his offer he crossed the room in a matter of several long strides and pulled the heavy curtain open. He knew very well that she could hear the roaring rainfall, yet she had perked up at the sound of his offer.

Ellie, still surprised by his unnatural grace and swiftness, blinked as the curtain were drawn open. The light, although dull and grey, still rendered her momentarily blind. She rose out of the chair, running her fingers through her tangled and tired hair.

_He thinks that he's out of the clear because of the rain? Psssshhhh…_

She looked straight into those beautiful emerald eyes, the ones that always challenged her, mocked her for her mortality, attempted (and failed) to strike fear into her heart, and smiled.

"Let me change." She said, revealing her terrible excitement at the possibility of leaving the hotel room and stomping around in murky street side puddles.

_Sulking…stomping in puddles…how old am I? _Ellie thought. She shrugged then, realizing she didn't care what Loki thought of her. She practically flew into the closet, her heart in her chest hammering away.

Loki stood by the window, the curtains still prisoner to his icy grip.

_Contestable little wench, _He thought. He had no desire to go out and play watcher to the peppy mortal girl. _However, if this…outing would keep her from penetrating me with those bewitching…_

He stopped, his own thoughts a mystery to him. How could a mortal bewitch Loki, the god of mischief?

_It was slip. _He reassured himself. _She makes you foolish. How can she not when she is overwrought with foolishness…_

Ellie slipped out of the closet. Her sweat pants and sweater were gone. She was dress in dark jeans, tucked into scarlet knee socks. A thin, long sleeved brown shirt, a navy trench coat hanging in her arms.

"You didn't bring my boots." Ellie accused, looking Loki with a pout on her lips, but a fire in her eyes.

Loki raised his eyebrows. _Insolent little creature. As if her wardrobe was any great concern of mine. She could use a bit of…reminding… _

Loki dropped the drapes and traipsed over to her. With his posture straightened, he stood a good head and half taller than she. Ellie stood her ground, although he did notice she gripped the jacket closer to her.

She had to raise her neck back to meet his gaze, something that made her endlessly frustrated.

_Ooh, scary aren't ya? _She thought, the cockiness that thrived so very well in her head, leaking out onto her face. Of course there, when it was directly exposed to those eyes, the confidence began to crackle.

"Pity." Loki said, although the sound of his voice relayed to her that he found nothing pitiful about it.

Ellie huffed, turning away from him and towards the door.

"Well, I can't go out in that mess without rainboots." She said.

He sneered down at her, sensing victory. Once again, he underestimated the power of her eyes. The dark orbs swelled and rippled with something that he was able to recognize. Despair.

"You said that…you said that we could go out." Ellie said, her usual lightness tinged with pain. "You were lying?"

She backed away, more angry with herself than with him.

_Why would I believe him? Even for a second? _

"Dammit."

Loki watched her slink away. It was starting all over again. Her shoulders were beginning to sag, she was sighing again, her feet dragging on the floor.

He couldn't understand why this bothered him so. Why her sadness affect him…It was ridiculous. As he watched her visibly deflate, a sigh ran through him. He followed her to the window, noting that she didn't shrink away from him.

With great hesitation, his hand rested on her shoulder.

"What exactly do these…boots look like?"

Ellie turned, her brows furrowed as she processed what he had whispered. When she understood her dark eyes sparkled.

"Well, they're emerald green…"

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><p><em>She is the most…foolish…destestable…<em>

There were not a enough words to describe such a woman, Loki thought. The moment they had exited the hotel she had flown into the downpour and in a matter of seconds she was soaked. Her rosy hair, was almost brown in the rain, plastered to her face. The coat she wore was a size too large for her, the sleeves hiding her hands and arms completely. Loki stood under the protection of an awning. He had no plans to frolick and get wet. There were ways for him stay dry, but an observant mortal may notice…

"Loki!" she called over the rain. She motioned for him to come nearer, towards the park. Loki only stared.

Ellie was suddenly reminded of the cat that he had once been. That sullen stare that clearly read: _I will kill you if you continue to be so achingly happy in my presence._

But Ellie didn't care. She was outside. To feel the raindrops on her cheeks, the chilly winds…it was all so wonderful.

A wide grin spread on her face and she tried once more to coax Loki out of the protective awning. When he refused to budge she wandered over to him.

"You need an umbrella." She said.

Loki's brow furrowed. He did not know what an umbrella was. It sounded silly. Most likely it was another one of Ellie's foolish mortal contraptions that served no outstanding purpose.

Ellie sighed cocking her head to one side. She was enjoying his obvious fluster.

_If I didn't know any better…he doesn't even know what I'm talking about. _

"An umbrella?" Ellie repeated. "It's like the awning…"

She pointed above them. "But…portable."

She pointed behind her to the throngs of people that carried umbrella's with them.

"It shields you from the rain, see?" She explained, remembering why she never wanted to teach. She felt like an idiot herself, speaking slowly. To have to explain something as simple as an umbrella…

Loki seemed to be considering her words very carefully. Then, suddenly, with a grandiose wave of his arm, a large umbrella appeared in his hand. Ellie glanced at it, eyes wide. She looked around to see if anyone had noticed. As usual, every new Yorker within sight was so wrapped up in their own private tragedies to notice the little bit of magic being done under the awning in front of another Jewish deli.

"What were you thinking?" She whispered, "You can't just wave your arm and…and…do that."

Loki grinned, her discomfort amusing to him. "Oh?"

He waved his hand again and nodded his head towards the crowds. Ellie turned around.

Her eyes darted between pedestrians looking to see what he had done. Suddenly, a rather large, ornately decorated woman let out a squeal. Her tiny dog, which had been shivering in a poorly insolated handbag, was floating in front of her, yipping wildly. The woman, who could not balance on her sausage-round legs, chased after her little companion who was flying away at increasing speed.

Ellie didn't want to laugh, but the scene was quite funny. She snorted and clapped a hand over her mouth. She looked up at Loki who was sneering down at her. She blushed knowing she had been caught. Lowering her hand, she allowed a small grin to blossom on her face.

Loki smiled. "Now then, little one…"

He stole the umbrella away and wrapped his arm around Ellie's shoulders. Steering her into the street, they melded into the crowd.

"Who's next?"


	4. Shadows

_This was a little bit I was planning (but never actually wrote) after Loki "the cat" disappeared. I had this little scene in my head planned for just before Loki returned as "Eric" One of my 100 prompts was Shadows so I expanded my idea. _

_Also, thank you all for leaving reviews, even the short and sweet ones, some of these chapters I feel didn't measure up and to get encouragement just feels so damned good. _

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><p><strong>75. Shadows<strong>

_It must be my own shoes. _Ellie thought for the tenth time. _There's no one. I just looked…don't look again, Ellie, don't look—_

Ellie came to an abrupt halt, and flung her head around, her auburn locks bouncing on her shoulder.

_See Ellie. _She thought, trying to comfort herself. _There's no one there. No one is following you. _

Before beginning her walk again, she took in a few deep breaths in hopes she could calm away the jitters rattling in her chest.

She had ventured out into the dark night to find inspiration. She often found that walking summonded the words she was sorely missing. Walking at night, something she had not been able to try until she had left New York city, seemed to work especially well.

Ever since the cat, that strange little priss of a cat, had disappeared, Ellie had had a hard time writing. Words never seemed good enough anymore, and the ones that did were far too jumbled in her mind to make it to the pen and paper.

A late-night walk seemed very much in order. It wasn't until she reached Belleview Street that she began to hear the footsteps.

They had been faint at first, Ellie thought she was imagining them. It wouldn't be the first time her mind played tricks on her. However, with every step she took the clacking had grown louder. So much louder, until the sound was ringing in her ears and she could hardly hear her own thoughts.

Whenever she stopped, so would the sound.

_This is ridiculous. _Ellie thought, shaking her head to and fro. _There's no one there. _

_No one…_

_**Elizabeth.**_

She stopped, fear flooding into her like rainwater. Someone was calling her name? It sounded far to real for it to be a trick. She had heard her name, as clear as a bell. Her hands rose to cover her ears, her eyes snapped shut.

_Stop it, Ellie. You're just…It's just. _

Quickyl she pulled her hands away. The silence was only causing the fear to swell and rise.

_Why am I just standing here? Move, Ellie, go home, lock your doors, crawl into bed. _

She had planned to walk several blocks further before turning around. However, she couldn't shake the feeling that someone…or something was close by. Someone or something dangerous. Her heart pounding in her throat, choking her calming breaths.

She pivoted and walked back towards her house. With each step her pace grew quicker. _Five blocks. Five blocks and your home. _

Those five blocks seemed miles and miles away. A voice in the back of her head screamed to her…_you'll never make it. The monsters here. _

She just had to walk straight down Baptiste Avenue, then a sharp left onto Emerson Way, then two blocks down Foothill Boulevard. Simple enough.

She made to Emerson quickly enough. But as she turned, she stopped, a scream trapped in her throat.

In the dark, under the shadows of high-rising oak trees she was quite sure she had seen.

_A figure. A man. Tall, thin…_

She stood as still as she could, but she could feel herself quivering like a baby deer. She hands covered her mouth and she was afraid that if she uttered a sound, she would be…

_Be what exactly? Eaten? Attacked? What I am scared of?_

Slowly, she pulled her hands away. Her knees locked together and she sucked in a deep breath.

"Hello?"

Her own voice, though small and broken, tore through the thick silence and cause her heart to jump back into her throat.

No one, nothing, answered her timid call. As seconds crept by and no response came, Ellie began to relax again.

With great hesitation, she began to take labored steps forward. One after another. Right then left. Left then right.

_Just imagining things. Fears are always…greater in the dark. _She thought to herself.

Suddenly, she felt something colder than ice, brush up against the side of her neck. The feeling sent a chilling bolt through her, stopping her feet, stopping her heart. Her mind moved slowly, in a haze, until she registered than the icy feeling she felt were actually fingers, running over her neck, to her jaw line. A cool breath caressed her cheek and something like a hunting laugh brushed through her ears.

_I'm back. _

The words, slithered into her comprehension like snakes and jolted Ellie's heart alive again.

She lunged forward, losing her balance and toppling to the ground. Her hands stung angrily as she caught herself, but adrenaline pushed to pain to the back of her mind.

This, this was one of those fight or flight situations. And in this moment, in the dead of night, Ellie chose flight.

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><p>Loki, god of mischief, watched with amused as the mortal began to flee.<p>

_Clumsy little creature. _He noted, chuckling proudly to himself. It was been a great while since he invoked such fear into such a pathetic underling. He had forgotten how much joy a good scare could bring him.

He crossed her arms over his chest, leaning his lanky form against a flickering street lamp watching her speed off like a spooked sparrow.

His grin turned grim as he mulled over the last few weeks.

_Exactly what is it…about this one?_

He couldn't understand it. He had toyed with a number of women since he had left Ellie to her writings and mumblings. And yet, none of them had offered him the same amount of amusement and pleasure that this little mortal did. He found more mature women boring and younger girls annoying. Ellie could be both boring and annoying but this was very rare.

He found great amusement in the way her dark eyes dance and grow to the size of saucers, the squeaks of surprise, the raw and real fear seeping out of her like smoke.

_If I must squander my time on this pathetic planet, I suppose I could stay with her. Until my strength returns. _

Loki pushed off the pole and began to follow Ellie's path.

_Little Lady Ellie, _He thought to himself. _My very own rose-hair pet. I have so much planned for you…_

His grin grew into a sneer. _So very much…_

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><p>So very short. I know.<p>

Creeper Loki be creepin'

Thanks for reading!

BB


	5. Falling

So, this is actually a chapter about Steve and Ellie. I know. It's in the Thor section. But this is a test. I know some people actually really like Ellie/Steve and their relationship is…burgeoning. So, I wanted to know if I should also start writing more Steve/Ellie and post them too. I would love your opinions! And please do read it. Stick it til the end and the Trickster god will be…lurking…as he does.

See it's all a part of my giant plans for the sequel to Shiver (Tentatively called The Resistance, after the Muse song) and I wish I could start writing it right away. But sadly, I have yet to see the Avengers so…I just can't. Yet. But the plans are stirring in my head.

Okay…I'm done rambling. Thanks for reading!

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><p><strong>85. Falling<strong>

Lunches with Catherine were never easy endeavors. Both girls, being raised to understand that conversation had its place, were never good at leisurely chats over salads and diet cokes.

They were sitting at a small café, only a block away from their apartment. It was a warm sort of day, even though a thousand greying clouds were spattered across the limited skyline. The pair of sisters sat outside just next to a wrought iron railing that lined the café seating, both clad in dark glasses and munching on their food in a comfortable silence.

Over the past weeks the sisters had reconnected. When Simon wasn't around fretting over wedding details with Catherine, the girls would stay up late, catching up.

Catherine recounted the story of how she met Simon, how he proposed, and how her company was fairing. Ellie had nothing to tell. Well, in actuality she had a millions of things to tell Catherine.

But she was scared. Scared that no one would believe her, Catherine especially. So for now, and most likely forever, Loki would be a secret.

_A deep dark…maddeningly unforgettable secret. _Ellie thought, violently stabbing a perfectly innocent piece of lettuce with her fork.

"What's on your mind?" Catherine asked in her usually breezy tone.

Ellie looked up at her sister, whose eyes had already returned back to her own plate of food.

"Everything." Ellie said, quite honestly.

"Ellie. Hello."

Ellie and Catherine glanced up to see a broad shouldered man standing against the fence.

_Steve. _Ellie thought, almost choking on her bite of bland salad.

She hadn't seen Steve since the night of Catherine's bachelorette "party." They had spent a good part of the night talking about nothing worth remembering and then Steve left.

Ellie had thought it was a lost cause. Steve had left in a stuffy hurry and didn't leave his phone number, never asked for hers, or gave any sign that he would like to see her again.

And now, here he was, almost three weeks later. Showing up out of the blue again.

He wore the same brown leather jacket, another button up checkered shirt, the same neatly pressed khaki pants and brown boots. Ellie could feel her sisters gaze on her. She never told Catherine about Steve and Ellie could only imagine what was going through her sisters head.

"Steve." Ellie blurted, realizing that she had yet to say anything.

_I guess I could've said Hi. Is it too late to say it? Probably. Oh, just say it. _

"Hi." Ellie said, just missing the moment.

Her brows furrowed as she nervously tucked a strand of her out of eyes.

Ellie didn't know what to say. Any girl would be angry with Steve for just up and leaving and then appearing again. Ellie wanted to be mad, she surely was ruffled, but she felt as though it would be silly to get angry with Steve.

He never made her any promises. Never even tried to pick her up.

Steve nodded politely to Catherine, but didn't offer an introduction, or even a smile.

"There's some place I gotta go." Steve said, not easily. "And…I don't want to go alone."

_Is he asking me to go with him? _Ellie thought.

"Okay." Ellie said in her softest, sweetest voice. "But, um, right now?"

She smiled, not knowing if the gesture would come of kindly or insensitive. The last thing Ellie ever wanted to be taken for was insensitive.

Steve nodded curtly, his brows furrowed. "I'm not asking you to…"

"No," Ellie said, her heart swelling at his obvious discomfort. She shot Catherine an apologetic glance and reached behind her chair for her coat. "We can go. If you want me to…"

She ran a hand through her hair, a last minute sign of discomfort.

_For him to just show up like this. How did he even know where I was? Was he just passing by? Or was he looking for me? _

Steve didn't smile, but his shoulders rose, leaving behind that sullen sag. Ellie rose from her seat, guiding her purse strap over her head and shoulder. Her chair, scraped loudly against the concrete ground below and several diners glared in her direction.

"Bye, Elizabeth." Catherine called, a looked that clearly said _"I'm-judging-you-and-you have-some-explaining-to-do-tonight" _on her pale face. Ellie rushed in between tables, muttering apologies.

Steve stood by a rather large, incredibly shiny motorcycle. It looked almost brand new. Ellie's fingers clung to her skinny purse string and stared at the great machine with a mix of excitement and apprehension.

"Is this yours?" She asked. _Stupid question, Ellie._

Steve nodded, his chest puffing out with pride. Ellie grinned in spite of it.

_Honestly, men and their machines. _

"Have you ever ridden on one before?" Steve asked.

Ellie shook her head from side to side.

Steve cracked a bashful grin, rubbing the back of his head. "I wish I had another helmet."

"I trust you," Ellie said. She immediately regretted it.

_What a thing to say. I trust you. How could I? I've met him once under…odd circumstances and he's almost like a stalker and I-I would a fool to just trust someone…like that…like…_

She trusted him. She really did. It was odd, but from the moment she met him she felt entirely at ease with him. He was like a brother.

_A brother…I wouldn't mind kissing. I mean not to be…well…slutty but look at him! Any girl would want to kiss him at the very least. Okay, maybe not a brother. Maybe a best friend? I've never had one…So maybe not. People don't usually want to kiss their best friends. And how can he be a best friend. I haven't even known him for a whole day!_

As Ellie fretted with herself a strange, black feeling was growing in her heart. It took her a moment to realize what it was: guilt. She felt as if this was an act of betrayal, going who knows where with Steve.

_It's not Ellie. Loki…He left, he just up and left. And you, missy, are not going to sit around wallowing in a snotty, salty pond of your own tears. _

With her resolve reaching its peak Ellie came to a hasty decision. She never wanted to be the girl that was hung up over a man she could never have. There was absolutely no point in her wasting away in sorrow and self-pity. If he was gone, if had indeed lied to her, even if she would never see him again, that was certainly no reason to give up living.

_Forget him. _

She hoisted her leg over the whirring machine and Steve placed both his hands on the handles, revving the engine.

Ellie's heart flew into her throat at the roaring sound that followed. _Is he just going to take off? _

Ellie found herself facing another dilemma. _Where do I…?_

She held her arms out wide, not sure where they should be placed. _I have to hold onto him, I know that but…_

She swung her arms in the air, looking very much like an ground air traffic director minus the obnoxious flags. She could hear Steve's chuckle.

"I don't sting, I swear." He said

Feeling embarrassed, Ellie attempted to wrap her arms around his shoulders but they were far too broad. So she carefully wrapped them around his waist.

Without as much as a warning, Steve gunned the motor and they flew into the thick of traffic.

As he weaved between cars, tour buses, all Ellie could concentrate on was the closeness between them. She realized how wonderful the smell of his leather jacket was. As the wind rushed past her, her eyes began to tear up and sting. She ducked her head down, resting her chin in the center of his left shoulder blade.

"You alright?" Steve called, wondering if she was sick.

"Yes!" Ellie called over the roar.

* * *

><p><em>So this is where he needed to go<em>. Ellie thought.

Ellie stood by herself as Steve spoke with an elderly man at the gate. She looked up at the large sign above her.

They were at a cemetery.

It was close to sunset. Steve had driven them out of the city completely. It had taken several hours. Now, the chill of the night was creeping in. Ellie was glad she was wearing one of her warmest coats. It was actually a jacket that had belonged to her father when he was around her age. It was a tan checkered, very seventies vintage number, and even though it was rather big for Ellie, she liked it. She was also grateful that she had chosen to wear a scarf that day…even though it was _his_ scarf.

She pulled her coat tighter around her.

"We can go in now." Steve said, although he made no movements to do so. He was staring past the gate, where a thin road spread out. The road was lined with large, looming trees just beginning to bloom with leaves again. From their viewpoint, they could just make out a line of tombstones.

Ellie looked up at Steve. He was a ball of rolled up emotions. She could see spots of anger, sadness, confusion, guilt, and fear.

_He's so different. Everything is right there in his face, his eyes, his brows, the way he carries himself. _

She realized he was not going to take the first step.

_Fine then. _She thought and began to walk towards the entrance.

She had only taken a few steps when she heard Steve's heavy footfalls behind her. With his long strides he caught up quickly enough.

"Do you know where…?"Ellie started. She didn't know how to finish her question. She didn't know who they were visiting and even if she did what could she say?

"Yeah." Steve said ,understanding. His voice was distant.

As they weaved through dirt paths, Ellie felt a chill run up and down her spine.

She had never been inside of a cemetery before. There were very few of them in the city and she had always been tempted to wander inside but it seemed disrespectful in a way. And now that she was walking through a number of graves, she was glad she never acted on those lingering curiosities.

Finally, Steve and Ellie stopped and a patch that was set a part from the rest. A small stone slab read:

_Dedicated to the Veterans of WWII. May their sacrifices always be on our hearts and in our minds. _

_Not his parents then. _Ellie noted.

Steve moved with more determination now. As if now he wanted to be done as quickly as possible.

It didn't take him long to find them. The few of them that were laid to rest here.

Steve suddenly felt as if he were in a dream, as if time had stopped, as if he were moving through water. The names carved into stone that sat in front of him. He could read them as clear as day. And yet he felt as if it couldn't be. As if those names were wrong. A lie.

_Gabriel Jones_

_Colonel Chester Phillips_

_James Buchanan Barnes_

Steve blinked, as if the names would change when he opened his eyes again. But there they were cold and unmoving. Unchangeable.

Ellie stood by his side, not daring to move. She watched as Steve stared down at the names.

_What can I say? Did you know him? But which him? None of them have the last name of Roger's. _

As a frosty wind blew past them, Ellie looked up into the sky. The clouds that billowed overhead were coal gray, sweeping across the wide skyline. The sky was several different colors at once, orange, yellow, pink and blue. It was beautiful outside of the city. Even with such dark, gruesome clouds, the sky was still a sight to behold.

"They were good men." Steve said, his voice cracking. "Someone once told me that…above all else…I should be a good man."

Ellie looked back at Steve, his face was twisted in sorrow.

"Steve," Ellie began. She stopped to recall her voice, her words felt thick and useless in her throat. "I really can't imagine what you're going through. All these pretty words I've got swirling around in my head…well…they'll look nice on paper but…"

Steve wasn't responding. Ellie wondered if he was even listening. But she couldn't stop now, just in case he was.

"What I trying to say is...I mean I can't say anything right now that will make your sorrow go away. Or even numb the pain a little but…"

She reached out and grabbed a hold of his hand, which was hanging powerless by his side. It was so big against hers, but she held tight to it.

"I can hold your hand." She said. "And…I hope that will be something. For now."

Steve could feel the warmth of her hand against his. It was strange to him. Standing there looking down at the graves of his fellow soldiers, knowing that he would never see them, knowing how unfair it was that he could continue to live, while they died, it made him numb. Still, he could feel Ellie's hand grasping his. He wasn't entirely alone.

He could feel his knees go out from under him. He crouched down, but Ellie held fast to his hand. She held it up as Steve tried to hold back the pain that threatened to spill out of him like a flood.

He looked up at Ellie. Her dark hair, like a rose, looked even darker against the glowing sunset sky above her. She was looking up towards the sky, attempting to give him a moment of private mourning while never actually leaving him.

Steve had very few memories of his family. They had left him so long ago. So when a certain memory flooded into his mind he was surprised to find it. He had no idea he had it tucked away.

He was at the zoo with his mother. He had been very young at the time. His mother, a nurse who rarely had time off, had taken him for the day. He remembered looking up at her as they watched a giraffe pace slowly around it's cage. He remembered smiling at her and she smiled back and they just stood there enjoying the peace of the simple moment.

But why was he thinking of this now? That had been so long ago, so pointless compared to the rest of his life. The life that should have ended, or at least be very close to over now.

Was Ellie like his mother? No, she was much prettier than his mother. His mother had been a strong, fantastic woman, but beauty was not one of her attributes.

Still she was always there for him. Right up until she passed on.

He stood up again, holding tightly to Ellie's hand. Imagining for a moment that it was his mother's hand. For even in a moment of great sorrow, there could be a spark of peace.

The pair stood side by side as a another icy wind flew around them, lifting their somber silence up to the sky.

* * *

><p>"If you ever want to go again…" Ellie trailed off. "I mean, next time…I'll bring flowers."<p>

Ellie stood by the sidewalk, while Steve sat on his bike. He offered her a grim grin.

"Yeah," He said, never one for words. "That would be…nice."

Ellie held her purse, fiddling with the straps. She looked down at her shoes.

_I don't want to say goodbye. _

It was dark now. A flickering street lamp above her offering the only light. The steps to her apartment were right behind her. She could easily invite him up, but she had a sneaking suspicion that he would say "no."

"Well," She breathed. "Goodnight."

She turned to run up the stairs, but Steve caught her wrist.

"Ellie." He said. Ellie turned her head.

Steve shifted his grip so that he held her hand in his and pulled her, gently, closer to him.

"Thanks." He said, after a while.

"Yeah." Ellie said, momentarily stunned by his beautiful face. "Anytime."

Without giving it much thought she reached down and placed a quick kiss on his cheek.

They both flushed and Ellie stumbled back, her hand slipping from his grasp.

"Oh gosh, okay," Ellie blabbed, feeling like a silly teenager. "I'm, I, apologize, for that. I don't-"

_Just get out, Ellie, out! _He mind called to her.

"Yes, okay, bye!" She blabbed, fleeing up the stairs and pressing the ringer several times.

She didn't dare look back at Steve. She was far too mortified to see the look on his face. From what she knew of Steve she would probably be able to see his exact reaction in that terribly expressive, completely honest face of his.

Slamming the door behind her, she raced up the stairs and into her apartment.

* * *

><p>Steve sat on his bike, his baby blue eyes wide as saucers. He the pads of his fingers over his cheek which felt as if it were burning.<p>

Shaking himself out of his stupor and deep blush flooded his face.

_The hell was that? _He thought, a real smile blossoming on his face. _  
><em>

He drove off into the night. He was late. And hell hath no fury like the man Fury himself

* * *

><p>Ellie lay on her bed. She had bypassed Catherine completely mumbling something about need to change her clothes. Of course she did no such thing. Instead she collapsed onto her bed.<p>

Groaning she rolled onto her stomach as she relived the moment in her mind. The vision flashed before her again and again, and each time it felt as though she were being stabbed through the heart with her own stupidity.

She jolted up, when a knock came at her door.

"Elizabeth?" She heard Catherine call. "I've made tea…"

_Yes, alright, nosy Nancy._

"I'm coming." Ellie mumbled.

She dragged herself off of the bed and reached into her cramped closet for a pair of sweatpants and he favorite oversize pink sweater. She shed her scarf and jacket, cardigan and blouse and pulled the sweater over her head.

_Wait. What?_

She froze. Something had caught her eye just outside of her window. Stepping closer, she adjusted the sweater.

A large raven sat upon one of the branch of the large tree that sat outside her window.

She felt her heart thundering in her chest.

The raven was staring back at her, it's beady eyes as black as ink. It sat, oddly still, for a moment longer. Then it fluffed it's feathers and flew away.

_No…it couldn't have been. _

Ellie thought, shaking her head.

_It just couldn't have…_

* * *

><p>Please tell me what you think! I would love some feedback.<p>

I started Shiver never thinking there would be any competition for Loki and yet…here's Steve.

Anyway…thank you for reading!

BB


	6. Games

So this has been brewing in my head for a looooong time. A bit of a warning. This isn't loving, romantic, misunderstood Loki. No, this is "first few seconds of Avengers trailer" sadistic, creeptastic, Loki peeking out to play. So if you aren't a fan of truly sadistic Loki I may just pass this by…Also, **rated M.**

* * *

><p><strong>98. Games<strong>

.

"A game?" Ellie repeated. She raised a very skeptical brow and didn't move from her cozy spot in the chair.

Loki stood by the window, looking out on the street below. There were so many mortals. They crowded every inch of ground like pestering insects. It was a wonder he had found one that he could tolerate.

As he waited for his plans to come to fruition, he found watching these drab creatures was anything but entertaining. He was bored.

And Loki simply despised being bored.

Ellie was right to be suspicious of him. But the god of mischief had ways of achieving what he wanted. And a game was just the cure for this terrible boredom.

"Yes a game." He said, excitement building in his voice. He turned away from the window, he gaze focused on his favorite prey. She was looking as delectable as always, waves of rosy hair tucked over her shoulder, her bare legs draped over the arm of the chair, those dark eyes spiked with curiosity. Loki could hardly contain himself.

"Stand." He commanded, suddenly authoritative. Ellie looked up at him with only mild surprise. By now she was used to Loki's wildly unpredictable moods. It was the air of his voice. He was challenging her. It was a voice she wanted to rebel against as much as she wanted to follow.

_Goddamn him. _Ellie thought, not able to look away. _Damn him to hell. _

She tossed her head defiantly and

"I don't believe I agreed to any game." She said coyly.

Ellie almost regretted her decision to play along, when she saw the frightfully delightful smile that curled on Loki's face. Loki was ecstatic.

He tsked her lightly slowly creeping forward so the she would have to crane her neck to meet his gaze.

"But darling girl," He cooed, his voice too syrupy sweet to be sincere. "It's only a game. Just a bit of fun…"

Ellie felt a shiver crawl up her spine and settle in her head, clouding her common sense. It sounded so tempting the way the timbre of his voice crafted words like slithering snakes.

"Just a bit of fun?" Ellie repeated, trying her best to wanton. Foreplay was something far beyond her skill set. In the past, sex had been something casual and quick. She placed her thumb and forefinger on her chin, pretending to think it over with great care. She pouted, purposely teasing him, hoping to move the ball into her court.

"I am rather bored." She said, matching his lurid stare. She pulled her hand away, letting it rest on the book she had entirely forgotten about. Was it even a book she had been reading?

Loki's sneer turned into a white toothed smile and Ellie was suddenly reminded on the Cheshire cat. Ellie loved that face. She knew he was trying his best to intimidate her, but to see a genuine smile on his face brought some distant joy to her heart.

_Besides, the Cheshire cat is one of my favorite literary characters. _She thought, unable to stop her own thoughts from turning into useless ramblings. _Stop it Ellie. A game is apparently afoot. _

Ellie could hardly imagine what sort of game Loki had planned. She was quite sure, however, that it would be a game of strategy like chess. Her heart slipped into her gut when she realized, far too late, that Loki knew every move.

Loki gently cupped Ellie's chin and, with no excessive force, willed her to stand. Ellie's legs slid off of the arm of the couch and her book hit the floor.

His hands cupped her face and he pulled her in for a kiss. His lips crashed against hers and Ellie felt her arms drop to her sides. She loved the taste of him on her tongue, the smell of him so close her. God, if she could just kiss him for the rest of eternity she would be content.

However, Loki had deeper plans for her as she would so find out.

He looked several steps backwards, towards the bed. Ellie stumbled and followed as he all but dragged her. The lover's lips never parted. If anything Loki only drew her nearer, as if he wished for her to meld into his body. As Ellie kissed him, visions of their last session were running through her head, spurring her on.

She could feel hands tugging at her sweater. At first she thought it strange, in the past her had just magicked her clothes away. Now he was tearing at her sweater, trying to pull it over her head. It thrilled her that he wasn't relying on his fantastical powers. As the sweater began to slip over her head another hand tugged at her pajama shorts.

He swept her into his arms and dropped her down onto the bed. Ellie, well and truly aroused, fumbled clumsily with the clips of her bra. Loki, however, encased her wrist in his fingers and pulled her hands away. Guiding her onto her back, he held her wrists apart in front of her.

Loki felt his own heart hammer excitedly in his chest at the sound of her surprised gasp. He had magicked sleek, golden bracelets around her wrists. Then, he positioned her in a purposefully, painfully slow manner. Her arms were pulled towards the headboard, where gold chains slithered from the bands, entangling themselves in the curly design of the iron headboard, entirely useless to her now.

He felt his adoration for her grow as a demure flush rose in her cheeks and seeped into her body. He knew how much it embarrassed her to be on display in such a matter. And he could see the apprehension swimming in her dark eyes. Still she held her chin up high refusing to let her pride slink away in defeat.

He leaned down and pressed his lips gently against the side of her throat. He relished the shudder that racked her body, the quivering breaths that left her lips. He shushed her, running his fingers through her hair.

"Relax, my love." He purred in her ear, intent on momentarily comforting her.

Ellie could hardly relax. It wasn't enough that he strung her up in such a way, then he had to go about calling her his love. The very word excited her beyond her wildest, most carnal fantasies. For a second she thought she must dreaming, never did she believe a man would touch her in such a way without any coaxing, never would a man bestow such a pet name on her, one so intimate as _my love_. There was something so beautiful and frightful about it, _my love_. Ellie's eyes fell shut, her neck arching back as he pressed tender kisses to her skin.

Loki smiled against her achingly warm flesh, pleased with himself.

She bit down anxiously on her lip, once again aware of how vulnerable, and how exposed she was. He left her in her bra and panties, but she knew there were no secrets between them.

She could feel his hungry gaze on her, drowning her. She tried to look away, but his own image was far too tempting. She could stare at his perfectly sculpted face and body forever. However, he pulled back, kneeling on the bed beside her, his eyes frightfully mischievous.

Loki snapped his fingers. She was ready. Let the games begin.

Ellie's ears perked at the snap. Her eyes fluttered to him, curiosity momentarily beating out her nerves. She almost wished she hadn't looked. His index finger and thumb held tightly to a long, coal black feather. Sleek and shining it looked as though it belonged to a raven.

Ellie stared at its black folds, her heart thundering in her chest. His green eyes sparkled dangerously and she shook involuntarily under his scrutinizing gaze. With deliberate slowness, Loki dipped his hand down towards the bare skin of her stomach. Ellie sucked all her breath into her lungs, her belly sinking downwards towards the mattress in hopes of escaping.

Loki paused. The feather so close to her skin, Ellie swore she could feel its shadow. She tore her eyes away from the feather to be met with a liquid stare.

"Ellie" he cooed, his voice almost hypnotic in her ears. "I promise you here and now, no harm will come to you."

A thousand voices cried in her head, telling her to never believe him, but it only took one voice to coax her into nodding her head.

The very tip of the feather brushed against her skin and a ripple of pure pleasure gathered at the point of contact. All breath left Ellie, as the pleasure flowed through her spreading to top of her head and the tip of her toes.

Ellie gasped, as the feeling pooled in her stomach, it was not painful or uncomfortable in the slightest. In fact, it was quite the opposite. She began to squirm and writhe under the entirely foreign, yet incredibly familiar feeling.

As quickly as it had come, the wonderful feeling disappeared. Ellie glanced at Loki, her face etched in confusion, when she realized he had pulled the feather away.

_The feather…_She thought, understanding.

Loki, however, left her no time to mull over the dynamics of his magic. The feather swooped downwards again, this time crawling upwards in between her breasts.

The longer the feather stayed the more the pleasure built pooling in her chest and thrumming in her veins. Her whimpers turned to moans, the sound like music to Loki.

Every touch, every caress and every manipulation of the feather was designed to tease and torment her. She was a vulnerable pawn in his hands. Her breathing intensified as he played with her. She felt very close, her climax was creeping over her.

And then the feather was gone, almost all hints of pleasure gone in an instant. Ellie gasped and groaned, feeling suddenly, terribly hollow.

She was wrought with anger and exhaustion. She was angry with Loki for tormenting her so. And angry with herself. Her desire was so strong that she was willing to beg for that feather. She glared at him, but did not struggle, knowing how pointless it would be.

Her angry eyes only enticed him. He smiled, momentarily abandoning the feather, he leaned over her body and nibbled at her ear lobe.

"Have you ever dreamed of this?" He whispered. "In those darkest, loneliest nights."

Ellie refused to answer him. His large palm ran over her stomach, she was slick with sweat. Ellie's body gave way to violent shudders in her restraints. He could do whatever he wanted with her. So why wasn't she scared or fearful?

"Answer me." he crooned, kissing her cheek, her forehead, pressing a kiss to her rosy hair. His eyes were glimmering with lust and passion.

Ellie breathed a spiteful laugh, unsure of what would happen next.

"Hmm…Let's try again shall we?"

Ellie wanted to shake her head, but then the feather gleaned her right thigh and all thoughts of protest scurried away. She tried to pull herself free of the bangles but they held fast and strong. She could do nothing but writhe helplessly under his caresses.

God it felt so good. Hot, overwhelming, Ellie could no longer manage a coherent thought. The feather slid down her leg and over to the other, than crawled up her thigh, Ellie felt the pleasure mount again, her she clutched at the ties that held her wrists, trying to control herself.

Loki watched as his sweet torment began to engulf her. Her fingers curled into fists and her eyes slid shut.

"Look at me." Loki called, reveling in the amount of power he had over her.

Ellie refused and the feather was lifted away. She growled in response, lamenting that she was denied her finish yet again. This continued for some time. Ellie's stubbornness would not allow her to wilt in his presence. He would use the feather to bring her to the brink of climax and then steal it away. Yet with each passing round Ellie felt her stony resolve crack and cripple.

_Why am I fighting him? _Ellie thought, her mind dizzy as if she were drunk from the pleasure. _Because that's the game…If I resist he will only continue to tease me. And if I give in then he will have won. _

"This isn't fair. I can't win." She whispered between gasping breaths, frustrated to no end.

Loki sneered, kissing her again. His tongue invading her mouth, almost choking her.

"It's only a game if I'm winning." He whispered with lustful venom.

Ellie groaned as the feather raked back down her stomach again, approaching her most sensitive areas.

"Answer my question." He whispered cruelly.

Ellie bit her lip, trying to suppress her moans. As the pleasure mounted she was sure he would draw the feather away from her. In the raging heat of the moment, the thought was terrifying.

"You crave this." He continued, his cool breath at her ear. As he spoke his words drilled through her, only causing her pleasure to flood her. "To be helpless and ravaged."

Ellie mewled as the feather stopped it's wild trail.

"Loki," She pleaded.

"You can't deny it." Loki teased, his voice raw and ragged. He was almost on top of her now, his hip grinding against her leg. "Give yourself to me, Ellie."

Ellie was now sick with pleasure, entirely helpless.

"Yes." She cried, her back arching to meet him. She struggled against the bonds with all the strength left to her.

"You need me." Loki said, not ready to give in just yet.

Ellie nodded, hardly able to respond. "Yes."

"You're mine." Loki seethed.

"Yes!" Ellie cried, as her climax came. Her whole body was a wreck of shudders. Her eyes rolled into her head and she could no longer restrain her cries. Her head was nothing more than a sea of lust and need.

She felt the metallic restraints fizzle away and her body collapsed from exhaustion. Never in her life had she felt something so raw, so intense. She her limbs and head felt heavy and clouded.

As her senses began to return, she could see Loki's pale face swimming above her. He was lying on his side, his body against hers. She could feel his fingers running through her hair.

"I win." He whispered.

Elli no longer cared. He could win, if he wanted. She lifted one wobbly hand to playfully nudge his head, but he caught her arm. Turning her wrist he placed a gentle kiss on her palm and then lowered her arm down to her chest.

"Do you always win?" Ellie breathed, so softly she thought he must not have heard her.

But he did.

"Always."


	7. Near To You

I can't help myself right now. I just need to get this Steve chapter out of the way and then it will be Loki, Loki, Loki.

Inspired by the song _Near to You_ by _A Fine Frenzy._

* * *

><p><strong>82. Near To You<strong>

Ellie was having a hard time focusing on her book. This, of course, was no fault of the book. It was perfectly enthralling, good books always are. No, it was the very handsome, very blissfully ignorant man that say nearby that was the cause of her sudden inability to concentrate. With some secrecy, she peeked over the top of her book to get a better look at her distraction.

* * *

><p>Steve Rogers was a strange sort of man. But it was a good, refreshing sort of strange. Ellie had not known him for very long, but it wasn't hard to see how different he was from all the other men she had known in her short lifetime. He was tirelessly polite, sometimes embarrassingly so. He held doors open for her, never failed to call her 'ma'am' or 'miss,' never called her 'baby'…<p>

Ellie would have been suspicious of this home spun, gentleman's act if he wasn't so gosh darned earnest. At first she had every reason to be concerned. He seemed to appear as if from a dream. They never made plans. They were always just running into each other. It was something out of one of those entirely formulaic, albeit strangely therapeutic romantic comedies. There had been the lunch with her sister, the time when they bumped into each other at the market, and the time when Ellie had, on an off chance, decided to take the bus instead of the subway.

Any other girl might think it creepy or odd. But Steve had yet to even make a move on her. It seemed he wanted nothing more than her company. For the most part, the pair's outings consisted of walks and talks over coffee. Steve almost never talked about himself, if anything he tried to steer the conversation away from himself. And he was so humble, so honest , and so candid so quickly that he endeared himself to her almost immediately.

She had been initially wary that she had stumbled into another other worldly god. Steve certainly had the look down. The chiseled good looks, deep emotive eyes, commanding, alluring presence…And his charm could very well be a carefully constructed mask…

However, after thinking it through, Ellie decided that Steve was as human as she was. Loki, whose name and face she was still trying desperately to erase and forget, had treated Steve Roger's with the same venomous disdain he reserved for the other mortals that walked the planet. So why then, was he so intent on spending time with her, listening to her talk about nothing of consequence. It was only after several walks around the park and some steaming cups of coffee, Ellie realized why Steve was seeking her out.

It was very clear that Steve was struggling with some monstrous demons. Ellie could see the signs whenever they were together. Often times, he was distant. A permanent frown was etched onto his face and his watery blue eyes seemed to be coated with anguish. Ellie wished she could comfort him, but she had never been any good at such things and she didn't think Steve was keen to talk about whatever it was that weighed on him so heavily. Even if she could never know the details of his inner turmoil, she could pick up on the heart of the it…

Steve Rogers was lonely. It was only a theory, but Ellie was fairly certain it was a solid theory. She knew the feeling all too well. She counted herself as a bit of an expert.

It had been a hard endeavor, but she had, with much ribbing, learned that Steve was an only child and that his parents were long dead. When he did talk about himself, never made mention of any friends or extended family. He was, Ellie came to believe, entirely alone.

Her empathy for his situation had beaten any apprehension she had towards their abnormal approach to meeting each other. She too had experienced that sickeningly heart crushing loneliness. If there was anything she could do to ease his pain, she would surely do it.

Of course, she was too proud to admit that she needed the companionship as desperately as Steve did.

She missed Loki, sometimes painfully so. Whenever she saw a black cat slinking around the city streets, her heart would flutter with foolish anticipation. But she never found _her _cat.

Her nights were filled with sporadic dreams, none of them concrete or clear; just shadows of deviant green eyes and echoes of whispers. On good days, she could find solace in the tedious business in her new work-a-day job. On bad days, she was haunted by the shadows and whispers and they clouded her every thought and feeling.

If her thoughts strayed for even a second, they would stray to him. The pain, physical and almost unreal, would blossom in her chest. She refused to be reduced to tears, she refused to let the outside world see her private sufferings. She would just suck in all the air in the world, as long as if kept her seams tightly stitched.

"He promised." The romantic in her would mutter. "He promised he would return."

_I didn't believe him then. _Ellie would remind herself almost daily. _And I don't believe him now…_

* * *

><p>Ellie shook the disturbing thoughts from her head and tried, for the eighth time, to reread the first sentence of the second chapter. Instead, her gaze lingered on the very handsome Steve. Again.<p>

_Your ogling, Ellie. _She thought. _How rude of you._

Ellie had never been one to ogle before, but Steve could make even the frostiest of women melt. Everywhere they went women, and a select group of men, would give in to the temptation to ogle. Women and girls alike fluttered their eyelashes, baristas and waitresses showered him with extra foam or whip cream or free refills and French fries.

It didn't bother Ellie in the least. Steve was invulnerable (the very nicest way she could say totally oblivious) to such advances. It was as if he had never looked in the mirror and had no idea that a single citizen in New York would ever find him remotely attractive.

Luckily, Steve acted as clueless to his charms and wiles now as he ever had.

He had met her outside of her building as she was leaving for lunch. They crossed the street into Central Park, to enjoy the rare bout of early spring sunshine. Steve plopped down on the grassy floor, leaning against a tree. Before doing so, however, he had laid out a blanket for Ellie to spread out on.

"Don't worry about me," he had said. "I don't want to interrupt your reading."

Ellie just shrugged, still taking in the gesture of the blanket. Steve pulled a small, leather bound journal out of jacket and began scratching away. Ellie dropped her purse and spread out on her belly, propping herself up on her elbows she attempted to read her book. But, seeing as she was facing Steve, reading was not an easy task.

She dropped the book entirely and observed him. At first she thought he was writing but the erratic sweeping of his pen suggested otherwise. She realized too late that he was sketching. She unconsciously scooted forward, intrigued. She grinned, noting how adorable he looked, so focused on the page.

"Are you drawing?" She asked, forgetting how - he was to questions.

Steve looked up, as if he had completely forgotten she was there with him.

"Uh, yeah," He said, his face a bit flushed.

Ellie, unable to shake the smile she knew bothered him, scooted closer again.

"What are drawing?" She didn't mean to pry, she didn't want to, but she just couldn't help herself.

She watched Steve ever so slightly draw the book closer to him. Ellie wondered if he would actually deny her innocent request or if his unwavering politeness would work in her favor.

Steve seemed to be struggling with the question himself. His finger tapped anxiously against the back of the book and his brow was furrowed. Ellie felt bad, she didn't want him to be uncomfortable, but she had to know.

Crawling over on her knees with all the speed she could muster, Ellie peeked over the book, her head so close to his chest she could hear his gasping intake of breath.

It was a face. A woman's face. Angular and full, he was in the process of shading her shapely lips. Her eyes were dark, even darker than the lips. Her hair was a bit frazzled but beautifully so. It was on the short side and had a very vintage curl to it.

"She's beautiful." Ellie said, and she meant it.

Steve gently pushed her back a bit, shutting the book. "She is."

Ellie immediately felt guilty. That sorrowful stare was back. Ellie knelt in the grass next to him and had to restrain herself from taking him in her arms and patting his brow like a mother would her ailing child.

"Was she…your girlfriend?" Ellie asked.

Steve mulled over the question. "She was my partner."

"Oh." Ellie said lamely. _He's really hung up. _

She balanced her weight on her heels, unsure of where the conversation was heading.

"she must've been a great girl." Ellie said. "To get you."

Steve looked at Ellie questioningly. "What do you mean."

Ellie almost laughed. How could he be so hopelessly naïve?

"Steve!" Ellie said, playfully nudging his shoulder. "You're a wonderful guy. Smart, sweet, kind, and very…umm…"

_Handsome. Just say it Ellie, he needs a pick me up. He could do with some self-esteem. _

She sighed. "Handsome."

Steve took in her words and then smiled bashfully, shaking his head. Ellie scoffed, standing and brushing off her dirt ridden pants.

"It's true. Ask any red-blooded woman in New York, Steve. Any woman who lands you must be one hell of a girl."

Steve laughed, but Ellie could still sense the sadness swimming around him.

She smiled grimly, wishing she could do something to invoke a real smile out of him.

She plopped back down on the blanket, crossing her legs.

"Alright. I was honest. Now it's your turn."

Steve cocked his head to the side.

"This big business suit I'm wearing," Ellie said, stretching her arms wide to demonstrate. "It's pretty terrible isn't it?"

Steve grinned again. Ellie was determined to coax an insult out of him. Just one.

"Ellie." Steve chastised, clearly flustered.

"Come one." She coaxed. "Look at me. Black pin stripes? I look like a little girl playing dress-up."

Steve just shook his head. Ellie held a scolding finger out.

"No, no." she said. "Be honest. If my sister can tell me I look ridiculous, surely an almost stranger could."

Steve shrugged. "It's not particularly flattering."

Ellie smiled. "There. Was that so hard?"

"Sorry." He said. "I'm…not very good at talkin' to women."

Ellie nodded. "But…what do they say? Talk is cheap?"

A familiar and comforting silence floated between them.

Ellie nervously brushed her ginger her over her shoulder.

"I don't need you to talk to me, Steve." She said. "I feel very comfortable around you."

Stormy eyes met glassy blue ones.

Steve didn't know what to do or what to say. He felt the same way but could he say it? What could he say? Me too? That's nice? Every possible answer that passed through his mind sounded silly and stupid.

Ellie realized how cheesy she must have just sounded. _That was stupid. Stupid. If Loki…if he had heard you say that…if you said it to him he would laugh in your face. _

She stood up again, flustered and embarrassed. "Don't listen to me. I mean, do but…"

She fixed her jacket and grabbed her purse. "I've got to go back to work…"

Steve stood up, confused. "Did I-?"

"Oh, no, god, you didn't do anything. It's me. Forget I said that, it was…so…I mean don't forget just…I'm not usually so…"

Steve could understand her struggle to find the right words.

_She's cute. _He thought, absently. _When she's all…crazy._

He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Ellie stopped her babbling. All she could feel was the heat from his hand on her shoulder.

"It's alright." He said. "I'll walk you back."

Ellie nodded and waited for him to gather up the blanket.

* * *

><p>They reached the office far too quickly. Ellie realized that she had no idea of knowing when she would see him again. <em>Maybe I really scared him off this time. <em>

Steve grinned and waved in farewell. He turned to walk away…

"Steve?" Ellie called, reaching out and grabbing his elbow.

Steve looked over his shoulder. "Yeah?"

"Umm…" Ellie began. "My sister's rehearsal dinner is coming up. Do you…want to go with me? I wouldn't ask but…all of the other bridesmaids have dates and I…well, I couldn't baer to be up at the table all by myself."

Steve seemed almost immediately put off, but he still considered it.

"Sure, Ellie."

Ellie blinked, surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah." He said. "why not?"

Ellie smiled and watched Steve walk away.

"it's a date!" She called, almost giddy.

Steve stopped in his tracks.

_A date…_

He shut his eyes Peggy's voice, which was growing ever quieter with each passing day, ringing in his head.

_I'll have to be sure to keep this one. _

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and reviewing!<p>

p.s. Less than 200 days until The Avengers! (what is my life becoming?)


	8. Faith

The prompt was "Thor seeing Loki again for the first time after their confrontation." I have been wanted to write Thor for a long time, but I couldn't figure out how.

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><p><strong>30. Faith<strong>

In the shadow of the night, a looming figure approached what was left of Heimdall's observatory. The guardian sentry could hear his visitor's footfalls, but kept his eyes trained on the universe below him.

_And I thought this night would bring me peace. _The amber eyed citizen thought morosely.

Every night since the destruction of the Bifrost, Thor had come to Heimdall asking of Jane and her progress. Without fail, the last Prince of Asgard would lumber down the cracked and crippled bridge of light and demand answers.

Heimdall endured these interrogations with his usual steadfast patience. He was quite proud of Thor. To see such an arrogant sod of a boy become a proud but patient god, still eager to rule, was a mighty relief.

It was this relief, that allowed Heimdall the patience to endure this obsessive behavior. It was certainly understandable. Thor was in love. To the citizen's of Asgard, this was a hard concept to accept. Thor had never shown express interest in women before. He regarded Sif as a close friend, companion, and fellow warrior. He treated the other ladies of the court with jovial charm, but it was shallow and led nowhere.

For the people of the shining city to see their future king so enveloped in what were clearly signs of infatuation.

While Thor's feelings for Jane were strong and true, he held secrets that even the Warrior's Three could not unearth.

They were secrets Thor had kept to himself for months now and he could wonder and wait no longer.

"Heimdall." He said in greeting.

"The lady Jane is-" Heimdall began, having already spied on Midgard the moment he knew Thor was coming for him.

"I do not wish to hear about her on this night." Thor said quickly, as if he was tempted by the very idea.

This stilled the sentry. Heimdall turned, sword in hand.

"My lord?"

Thor sighed. He could feel a familiar rage boiling in his chest. He felt shame, for what he was about to do. And why should he?

Asgard had left the memory of his brother to the dust. His father and mother refused to speak of Loki anymore. There was no memorial in his name, no whispers of sadness. Asgard, it seemed, cared little for the god of mischief. They believe Loki was dead and gone.

But Thor could not believe his brother would perish so easily. He had to be affirmed.

"Can you see him?" Thor said. "My brother."

Heimdall balked. Thor had been told that Loki was not in fact his brother. The revelation had led to one of the god's more destructive rages. The eastern hall of the palace had to be entirely rebuilt. And yet, Thor had refused to refer to Loki in no other way. _My brother…_

"I cannot." Heimdall answered, without a moment of hesitation.

Thor's large hands became fists. And while there was nothing more imposing than an angry god of thunder, Heimdall felt no fear I his presence. Only pity. The god was not as angry as one would think. No, Thor was grief-stricken.

"This does not mean he is lost to us." Heimdall said.

Thor stared into the glassy eyes of the Seer. "What?"

"Loki has long been able to hide from my eye, my lord. If I cannot see him, it is because he does not wish me to."

Thor felt the choke hold of his laments loosen.

"My brother still lives?" Thor repeated. "How?"

Loki had fallen into the universe, with the charring pieces of the bridge and the Bifrost. For any being, mortal or god, alike to survive such a catastrophe seemed improbable.

"Is there anyway…?" Thor said. He needed to know. He didn't care what he would find, but Loki had to be alive.

Heimdall nodded grimly. "There is no guarantee…"

Thor shook his head. His mind was made up, there was no deterring him now.

Heimdall held back a sigh of derision. There was no one, in all the realms, more headstrong than his lord and master.

"There is a stream under the city," Heimdall began. "It is ancient, from before the time of the All-Father. Most have forgotten of it. Follow the stream to its source, my lord, and there lies a pool with the power to gaze into other worlds. It is a power not unlike my own. It may fair a better chance of finding him."

Thor nodded, but offering no farewell. He stormed back up the bridge. He had travelled it's length when he stopped.

Turning he looked back down the bridge. Heimdall had returning to his gazing. A rush of memory pummeled Thor's mind. He could hear the keening of the great golden observatory. See the heartbreak in his brother's eye.

_I was the_ _elder. _He thought as he walked on. _It was my duty to protect him and understand him. _

_Loki, could you ever forgive me._

_I have failed you. _

* * *

><p>Thor stared into the dark depths of the pool. It was truly a small, unimpressive sight. The water was black as ink and eerily still. Even though water flooded out of a small opening, the water stayed as smooth as glass.<p>

Thor knelt down.

"I seek my brother. Loki Odin-…Laufeyson."

The pool began to ripple and swell, as if a torrential rain was falling from the heavens.

As dull color began to swirl on the surface, Thor felt fear growing in his chest. What would the pool reveal? His brother's body? Torn and Broken? What had become of Loki in these months?

It was too late for Thor to revoke his request, he could see the shadow of his brothers lanky figure. As the rippling slowed the shapes on the surface became clearer.

_Brother…_

Loki was there. Thankfully, mercifully, standing. Thor was curious. He was wearing clothes of the Midgardians. The very ones he had been wearing when…

Thor shook the thought from his head. He knew that Loki's threat to harm Jane had been an empty one. It was how Loki did battle, he was a warrior of the mind and not the body. Looking back, Thor was humiliated that he had, in the heat of the moment, fallen for such a sneaky trick. Thor had, when battling aside his brother, seen it done many times. He had even chastised Loki for such an underhanded, seedy way of battle.

Jane was safe. So why was Loki on earth?

Thor's questions were left aside when the pool returned to it's full smoothness.

_Loki, he's…_

His brother was smiling. It was a rare smile that Thor had seen on very few occasions. The first time Loki had bested him in battle, The day he had successfully turned Sif's sunny gold hair to black, whenever he received praise from their parents…

It was Loki's truest smile. One that very few people had seen. One the god of mischief kept hidden and secret. This was not the smile that graced his face when he was plotting or planning or lying or deceiving. This was true, honest, joy.

_But what could make…?_

Another figure appeared on the black surface. A young woman with rosy red hair. She was a mortal, this was clear. And she was smiling, too. Smiling up at Loki who walked by her side. Their eyes met and Thor recognized what lay between them.

He was reminded suddenly and achingly of Jane.

Thor couldn't believe it. Loki was alive. He was on Midgard. He was happy. With a mortal girl.

His heart swelled as the pool had, with pride.

He watched the pair walk down a busy street for a moment longer. He watched the girl smile. He watched Loki treated her with unnatural tenderness.

This was the brother he had always known. The one that his father, mother, and friends refused to see. Loki was no monster in Thor's eye.

Loki was Prince of Asgard, worthy of the love it seemed he had found.

Thor smiled as he left the pool.

_Soon, I will return to Midgard. To Jane. And to my brother. _

It was a day that couldn't come soon enough.

* * *

><p>Shorter than I would like but just a bit of brotherly fluff.<p>

Thank you for reading and please review!

BB


	9. Dark

This chapter felt different when I was writing it. Strange different, but not bad different. I love having this outlet because I can start to work out exactly how twisted Loki becomes the reasons for it. There is a lot of ground I wish to cover, but I'm hesitant to do so until I see the Avenger's movie (or at least until I know more about it). For instance, CurbitKirby mentioned possibly writing an Ellie/Steve run-in with Tony Stark. I am dying to write this, but I don't know if Steve and Tony meet before the movie begins. I try to stay as loyal as I can to my source material (under every circumstance) so I can't bring myself to write it. Still, I'm dying to write Tony. I'm rambling now…Thank you for reading! ^_^

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><p>"<strong>But I love you, and my feelings won't change, even if we're away from each other. being apart so long, all kinds of dark thoughts start to take over. ..people are weak when they are alone."<strong>

**-Haruki Murakami, **_**Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman**_

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><p><strong>29. Dark<strong>

Neither the god of mischief, nor the mortal girl could have known the depth of their love. Even though both had reached the age of the emotional maturity, neither knew anything of love. It was not until they parted that they began to realize how deep their love truly ran.

Loki had been glad to be rid of her. When he walked that planet, his thoughts were clouded with her: her visage, her voice, her smell, her taste. Knowing that he occupied the same slab of rock that she did hypnotized his senses, distracted him from his plotting, made him weak.

He could not afford to frivolously throw away the time he had been allowed. He knew his false brother would search for him if the Bifrost could be restored. He had seen the cautious, ever planning leader of SHEILD, arguably the most powerful man on the planet, if his plans were to come to fruition. The more thime he was allotted the ,more difficult Loki's job would become.

He could not know what such an unfathomable distance could do to him and to he Creatures were strangers to a love so deep.

So it was that changes began to creep into the folds of their mind and the strangers to love could do nothing to stop the darkness from poisoning their souls.

Ellie was beginning to wilt. Her world continued to spin. She slept as surely as the sun sank over the city. And as a new day rose, so would she. Following the footsteps of her peers was simple enough. If she wasn't terribly skilled at many things, at least she could blend in.

But her mind was slinking away. She had been blessed, though some may say cursed, to glance into another realm. Loki's stories had pushed her over the edge. The limits of her perception had been entirely altered. She could now count herself among the few who knew there was indeed more.

Entire realms existed, filled with creatures and worlds she could hardly imagine. That is not to say she didn't try. This world, her world, seemed all too boring now. Countless hours were spent imagining. Her eyes may have been trained on her computer screen, on your face, on her empty page, but she was never present. She may as well have been a ghost, drifting about, going unnoticed, unaffected by the world around her.

There, friends, lies the curse, the tragic, the depraved. As time passed on and on, what little faith she had diminished to nothing, flushed out like a candle in a storm. Yet she could not quell the longing, she could not silenced the curiosity to see these mysterious realms. And to see if all with him by her side.

She would dream of his enchanting eyes and the lilting whispers of his voice. They felt more like nightmares, however. Her dreams were tormenting her. She could never see him clearly. His voice was muffled and she couldn't understand his words.

She would fall to sleep every night, praying that his face would be clear and his words would be heard. But if anything the dreams became more convoluted. Until she couldn't see him any longer. Until she couldn't see him any longer. There was only darkness.

And what was a dreamer without her hope? The wanting would have driven here to madness.

But Ellie could count herself among the lucky. She had Steve.

Steve, whose unknown heart ache was enough to pull her to reality. Her troubles were just that: her own. There was a world of people around her; struggling and suffering as she did. She knew she could not lose herself in her own tragedies which were not as impossible as she would like to believe. Steve needed her strength, what little she felt she could claim as her own. And she needed his. His warmth, though incomplete, was comforting to her. His smile was marred by shadow but it was there, he was trying to conquer his demons, she could at least try to battle hers.

The fallen god, not unlike the angel Lucifer, was not so fortunate. His was an isolated existence since he had left earth and Ellie behind.

This was partly because of the misery-ridden hand Lady Fate had so wickedly dealt him, but it was his own black heart, as cold and as barren, as the place of his origin that truly imprisoned him. He was an outcast, an other, a shadow on the fringe of society.

Even as child, standing with his brother, he had known his place. There, he had been the second, the alternate, lost and without place.

As he scoured the universe, following whispers and signs, he grew colder. The ice in his heart, that Ellie's love had only just begun to melt away, was returning.

In the time he had been absent, trapped on Midgard, the nine realms were laughing at him. Even without the Bifrost, news of his great folly had spread. Once again, as it had always been, Loki's triumphs were ignored and Thor's good fortune was deemed heroic.

Every creature in Yggdrasil looked upon the Frost Giants with fear or hatred. Loki had almost ended the pestering race. It was to be a genocide that would be celebrated by all of the realms. But in the wake of his failure, the cowards acted as if he were the fool. As if his actions were to be condemned. As if his failure was to be celebrated.

So he found himself relying on the strength and power he had gained while on earth. He needed to kill, torture, intimidate, do what needed to be done to show the nine realms that he was not a god to be laughed at.

But to be feared.

_This is who I am. _He thought. _What I am to become. _

It brought him great pleasure, to see lesser beings bow in his presence, their eyes swimming in fear. He was not afraid to begin in the squalor and scourge of the underworld. Pitiful, slobbering creatures resided there, but they made for good messengers. With hideous wounds and emotional scars the demons would spread word of his malice.

He travelled around building his power, hunting for his army. All the while a shadow grew.

And he began to forget. The girl with red hair began to fade away.

In rare bouts of silence, when Loki was truly alone, his mind would stray to her. He could imagine her rosy red hair, the sweet touch of her skin, and the sound of her voice.

_This is for her. I promised to return and I will. _

He had plans for Midgard. Of the realms, it was the most suited to his needs. A poor, ravaged planet with millions of mortals, no better than school of floundering fish. There pathetic attempts at monarchy had all ended in blood and death, according to Ellie.

He, Loki, could change that. The words of the All Father, spoken so long ago, rang in his head.

_You were made to be king. _

It was his destiny.

He would conquer this universe.

* * *

><p>"Loki!"<p>

Loki's large eyes fluttered open. He had fallen into a dream. It was a strange one. One that plagued him night after night. Elizabeth was there. Smiling at him, a smile she kept only for him.

"Please." Her voice echoed in his head.

She would repeat it again and again.

"Please, Loki."

It was the last word she said before he had left her.

"Please."

He couldn't understand it. The sorrow in his voice shook his bones. He didn't want to hear it. He did everything he could to drown her out. his attacks became more violent, his mind more cunning. His victims began to pile up. Killing was easy, the sound of wailing screams and cracking bones began to comfort his aching heart.

Ellie would have to wait. He would return soon.

As her voice rang louder and louder in his ears, the darker his world became. Once he had his army he could return to Midgard, and quell her quiet screams.

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><p>Thank you for reading and please review.<p> 


	10. Health & Healing

Probably a bit too sweet for Loki's character, but who knows what Ellie brings out in him, yes?

(BREAK)

**54. Health and Healing**

There were many things Loki still had to learn about mortals. He was not so ignorant as his inobservant brother, but it wasn't until now that he found reasons to care about the race's primitive, somewhat amusing ways.

So when he rang Ellie one sunny Saturday, he was surprised to find she was refusing his company. A first.

"You can't come over today, Eric." Ellie's voice mumbled, made grainy by the static of her phone. "I have the flu."

Loki, with all his cleverness, could not begin to guess what on earth she was talking about.

(BREAK)

Ellie sat in her bed, surrounded by every blanket she owned, sulking. She knew she was beginning to run a fever, but she was cold and needed to comfort of the blankets. Her head was far too fuzzy to register all of her emotions. She was missing an entire days pay thanks to this illness, which she was positive she caught from the customer who sneezed right into her hand. This was unacceptable, but she was stuck in bed with a stuffy nose, a pounding headache, sore neck and shoulders, and an unshakable bout of nausea.

Ellie was not a graceful invalid. She could never just don some extra make-up, down a bottle of Dayquil and move on with her life. Her mother had never taken care of her or her sister when they were sick as children. She never tucked her into bed with steaming cups of soup and comforting words. Sickness was weakness. And, while Ellie completely agreed with her mother's creed, she was still resentful. Whenever she found herself ill, she found herself recalling hateful memories of her childhood.

_God, I'm so needy_, Ellie thought. But as long as she was sick, was going to stew in her tissue laden pile of neediness and self-pity. So concentrated was her inner-rampage/illness induced rampage, she could not pay attention to much else.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when a commanding knock sounded n her door.

_Probably the landlady…wondering why I'm not at work…_

But it wasn't the land lady.

"Come in." She yelled as loud as her inflamed vocal chords would allow.

Since her mind was bogged down, it took her a full second to realize the tall, dark, handsome man entering her apartment could not possibly be her 84 year old landlady.

Ellie squeaked in surprise, grabbing one of the blankets and ducking under it. This was not good.

Ellie was still as a loss when it came to naming what it was that Eric was to her. He was no doting boyfriend. She had toyed with the name lover (and blushed herself into a stupor at how positively 'adult' the word sounded) but she decided that actual "love-making" needing to occur before such a term was applied. Friends with benefits seemed more suitable, but Ellie hardly considered Eric a friend. She knew very little about him.

_So just benefits? Oh, god. I'm a slut. Aren't I? but am I? Isn't sex the bedrock of sluttiness? Maybe I'm just on the verge…" _All these thoughts, ones she bemoaned every day, rushed through her head in the short time it took Eric to enter the apartment and shut the door behind him.

She piled the blanket on top of her. Whatever Eric was, she knew she did not want him to see her in such a state. Her hair was a tangled, bumpy mess that she had only half-heartedly tried to tame by twisting it into a braid. Purple bags hung heavy under her eyes, she wore no make-up, and she was still clad in her wrinkly pajamas, ones she had worn for three straight days.

"What are you doing here?' she demanded, the heat of her own skin swelling in the heat of the large, puffy blanket she was hiding under.

Loki could barely hear her. It was like conversing on the phone.

He smirked, wondering what inferior moral way was plaguing her.

"You told me to stay away." He answered pleasantly, knowing how it would irk her. "So here I am."

He breathed a laugh when the pile of blankets on the bed rose and fell in time with Ellie's exasperated huff. He stepped over the blasted mutt, who had only just (begrudgingly accepted Loki's constant presence and stood at the foot of the bed. From safety of her poorly fortified, fabric fortress, Ellie called out.

"Please, leave!"

It sounded more like a request and she mentally slapped herself for not sounding a bit more commanding.

Loki shook his head from side to side even though he knew she couldn't see him. It was quite entertaining, teasing her so. She was a grown girl, she took it all in jest. Most of the time…

"Come out, little one" He coaxed softly. Ellie sighed. She was tempted. It was a good day if she got to his glorious face.

"No." she said quietly. Loki grinned liked a fox.

She was insufferably adorable. He usually had no patience for such characteristics, but Ellie wore the personality like a glove. It suited her.

He sat on the edge of the bed, relishing the small groan that emanated from the mountain of sheets and blankets.

"I don't want you to see me like this." Ellie called, sniffing and sneezing.

Loki waited for one silent second and then snatched the blanket away from her. Ellie, panicking, grabbed her pillow from behind her and buried her face in it.

Loki laughed, she was always resourceful.

"I'm sick, Eric!" She said, overwhelmed with embarrassment. Loki slipped closer, placing one had on the back of her head and running his fingers through her tangled locks.

"That doesn't concern me." He said, surprising himself with his own sweetness.

Ellie tentatively pulled the pillow away from her face.

Loki cradled the back of her head, pulling her closer. Her hair was unkempt and wild, her dark eyes were deliciously sullen, and her chapped lips formed a slight pout, and ha charming flush was present on her cheeks, neck, and chest. A genuine smile swept over his face.

_Even in this state of obvious disarray…she tempts me._

He didn't have to say it. Ellie could see it in his swirling green eyes.

He leaned down and pressed his icy lips once to her temple,; then rested his forehead against hers.

They stayed that way for a moment. Ellie's huffs of breath and sniffling the only sound echoing in the cramped studio.

Loki's brow furrowed. She was unnaturally warm. He could only guess that this was not normal. He tried to pull away and inspect her once more but she grabbed at his collar.

"Mmm…" She mumbled something. She buried her face into his chest and wrapped her arms around his slight torso.

Ellie was feeling suddenly tired. It must have been a chilly day outside, because Eric was chilly. The feel of his skin against hers felt so good. She pulled him closer as her eyes slipped shut.

Loki realized that she was fading quite quickly. He shifted, making sure that Ellie wasn't disturbed; pulling his long legs onto the bed, resting his head against her creaky headboard.

His heart swelled as her heard her sigh contently.

As Ellie slept, Loki's thoughts wandered.

The women he had known that wanted anything to do with him always craved something more carnal, raucous. And he expected nothing more from them. He looked down at Ellie.

She had been the first person to want his affection and company.

She was the first woman he wanted to care for.

His protective arm left her shoulder and the backs of his fingers ran over her flushed cheek.

She stirred, nestling her cheek in the crook of his neck. He could feel her hot breath against his exposed skin. "Eric."

Eric. The name felt like a stab through his chest. A reminder he had ignored for days. It was all a lie.

Usually, Loki loved his lies. He was infamous for his mastery of lies. They were signs of his genius and superiority.

This lie just seemed ugly to him now. He was not Eric. Soon enough, she would come to know the truth and, like every one her had held dear, she would slip away from him. She would see him for what he really was.

Unless, he could bear to tell her the truth.

His breath caught in his throat and he looked down at her again. Her small heart hammered away, he could feel it, so close to his. He pressed his lips to her hair.

_Not now. _

(BREAK)

That ended up sadder than I intended.

Thank you for reading and please review!

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	11. Unsettling

Normally, I don't like writing "foreshadowing dreams" because they are overdone, lazy plot devices. That being said, your humble author is going to leap off of her soapbox and write a "semi-foreshadowing dream" because this scene just popped into my head and ...immediately.

I blame Loki and all of his mischievous ways.

* * *

><p><strong>68. Unsettling <strong>

"Did you sleep well?" Catherine Crane asked, her voice a quiet wisp in the thick, stuffy air of the elevator.

"I had a dream." Ellie Crane said, absentmindedly sipping at her bitter coffee.

Catherine merely nodded. She was busy sorting through of bevy of early morning emails on her phone. Ellie did not expect her sister to be at all interested in something as meaningless as a passing dream.

"A good one?" Catherine mumbled, her eyes, and most likely her attentions, trained on her glowing screen.

Ellie glanced sideways at her sister, who's thumb was sliding up and down the small screen with careful precision. She turned her head to the front and caught her own muffled reflection in the stainless steel door of the elevator.

_I can barely recognize myself these days. _

Her ginger hair was neatly straightened and pressed into a high ponytail at the back of her head, copious amounts of neutral toned make-up covered her face, her body sheathed in a navy skirt and blazer, all topped off with a sleet gray blouse and a matching navy cigarette tie. Of course the whole look was nothing without the pivotal tall cup of conformity chic Starbucks coffee.

"No," she answered to herself, knowing Catherine would not hear her.

"It was a nightmare."

* * *

><p>She was standing in the middle of the street. Strange. Any New Yorker with enough sense knew that, unless you had an outstanding deathwish, it was terribly unwise to go waltzing into the middle of a city street.<p>

_No, _she thought, her instinct steps ahead of her ability to perceive. _Something is not right. _

Her head was in a flurry. As if she had just woken up. The sounds around her seemed very far away, muffled by the unknown distance. But soon and quite suddenly, the noises around her were becoming louder. Much too loud.

She was itching to run, a voice inside her head was screaming at her to do so. But her legs were shaking, her heart was fluttering in her chest to the pace of a hummingbirds wing speed.

_Something is very wrong. _

Even though the sounds were becoming more and more clear, Ellie could not place them. Banging and crashing. But what sort? What was banging? What was crashing?

The only sound she could easily identify was the labored sound of her own breath. IT flooded her ears. She was gasping for breath. As if she had been running.

_Am I scared? _She asked herself. Suddenly it made sense. She had been running, she was scared.

But of what?

Her ability to perceive suddenly rammed into her with the force of a runaway train.

_Oh, God._

She was standing in the middle of 5th avenue. It looked as though New York City had become the victim of some aerial attack. Dust and smoke clouded the air. People, screaming and wounded, ran every which way. A mother clutched her child to her, begging for assistance. A body lay trapped under an over turned car.

Ellie stumbled backwards. Cars, mangled and destroyed, were littered throughout the street and sidewalks. She looked to her left. A store window had been smashed through, the rooms above it clearly visible as it seemed the wall had been torn to bits.

The sound of her own desperate breaths were finally overcome by a mechanical keening. People screams intensified as the very ground shuddered under the pressure of some unseen attack. Ellie felt her knees buckle and she had to fight to keep herself steady.

She ducked her head and flung her arms up in defense. In defense against what?

_What is happening? What is going on?_

A bright, blinding blue light shattered the chaos. Ellie, and those fleeing citizens around her were left motionless in it's path. She turned to look at the source and she could feel the eyes of every other person do the same. Debris plummeting to the ground, the sound of it echoing in her ears.

But Ellie could barely process the sounds.

_No…_

A figure stood in the wake of the blue light. Tall and commanding, his silhouette stood in the middle of the street. Ellie realized that the attacks, the light, had been an attempt to corral anyone in the area.

As the light faded away, the crowds of cowering people could see their attacker.

Ellie felt her heart turn to stone at the sight.

_Loki…_

There was no mistaking it. His hair seemed longer, but most of it was hidden under an immcualte golden helmet topped with two spindly horns that twisted backwards.

He loomed in front of them, clutching a long staff with a bright, shuttering ball of light at its helm.

He was clothed in green and gold and black. A long green cape billowed behind him, dancing in the gusts of wind that seemed to be emanating from his center.

Ellie rocked back on her feet, she felt dizzy and confused.

_What is happening?_

She looked over her shoulder. The hundreds of people that had been screaming and clamoring to survive were backing away from her. She realized, far too late, that a measurable distance had been set between them. She now stood in between the crowds and Loki.

_Loki…_

She turned back, hoping against all hope that the figure she had seen wasn't him. It couldn't be him. But her gaze was met with a plummeting disappointment.

It was Loki. He had approached so quickly. She could see his green eyes, dancing with wild glee. His lips were turned into a confident, ugly sneer.

Ellie gulped. She wanted to retreat back into the crowd. But her feet were planted firmly into the battered ground.

_Stay, Ellie. This is all wrong. Just a misunderstanding…_

His gaze fell on her and Ellie felt her heart swell with inappropriate joy. Their was mischief in those eyes. The same she had seen when he teased her and pulled pranks on unsuspecting victims. God, she had missed those eyes and that smile.

_He came back. Like he said he would. _

She was pulled from her thoughts when an ear-banging explosion erupted from the middle of the crowds. Ellie turned back to see a fiery blaze shooting from the sky. New, more terrified screams sliced through the falling dust as a dozen people fell prey to the fire and flying rocks. As her eyes darted about the street she could see a man trying desperately to save a woman whose clothes had caught fire. A young man's body was crushed under the force of a large flying rock. A woman screeched as she was overtaken by a stampede of people.

Ellie's brief bout of happiness was overrun with horror. People were dying in front of her eyes. Never in her nightmares had she seen such sights.

Her vision swirled in her mind and the sounds faded in and out.

"Silence!" A voice cut through the chaos.

Ellie's heart jumped at the familiar sound. The screams died out quickly, and every eye turned to the voice. Ellie, with a heavy heart, followed suit.

It was Loki who called out.

An eerie quiet washed over the street. The air shook with tension, as all attentions were turned to Loki.

Ellie, her face splattered with dust, struggled to breath correctly. Loki was stalking towards her, his posture grand, he held the staff with calculated arrogance.

He was soon upon her and Ellie could feel hundreds of eyes drilling into the pair of them.

He seemed taller than she remembered. She gulped, her throat dry. To see him like this, dressed in battle armor, his face marred by small scars, his eyes alight. He seemed…different.

He tore his eyes from her and glanced out into the crowds. His smile turned into a cat-like smile, his white teeth shining.

He turned his attention back to her, his fingers sliding through her dirt infused hair, pushing it out of her face.

"Elizabeth." He said, his voice harsh with wanting. His fingers traced over her jawline, his thumb and index finger holding her chin up.

He released her and she almost fell into him. He turned to address the crowds.

"I do not wish for any of you to perish here." Loki said, his voice was quiet, but it echoed in the air. Not a single soul misheard him. "Mortals of Midgard. Here me now."

"I am your king." Loki pronounced. "And this creature…"

He motioned towards Ellie and every eye fixated on her. "…Your Queen."

Ellie's eyes widened and her heart seemed to burst in her chest. _What is he…?_

She looked up at him incredulous. He returned his gaze to her. He made a flippant move with his staff.

"Kneel, Elizabeth." He said, his voice slashing through her like an icy knife.

Ellie felt as if her entire body were on fire. His words echoed in her ears but she could not make sense of them.

"What?" She said, her voice thick.

The silence of the crowds was bearing down on her now, threatening to swallow her up.

Loki's brow furrowed and a slight glare fell on his face. He nodded expectantly.

"These mortals must learn what is to be expected of them. Kneel before your king, Elizabeth."

Ellie could hear a glint of danger in his voice now. She looked out into the crowds of people. She did not recognize a single face. Where was Catherine and her Simon? Where was Steve?

_But it doesn't matter. _She thought. Yes, the faces she saw were strange to her. But she could see the desolation, she could recognize the pain. The sound of her heartbeat thundered in her ears.

"No." Ellie said, with all the conviction she could muster.

A collective breath escaped the crowd and enveloped Ellie with some sick sense of comfort. But any unspoken support the crowd was trying to send to her was dashed by the feral wave that surged within Loki.

He took a deliberate step closer to her, his hand grabbing her collar and pulling it upwards. Ellie gasped as she was torn from the ground, forced to balance precariously on her toes.

Loki seethed, his eyes wide and wild. His lips were at her ear. "What did you say?

Ellie, unsure of where her confidence was coming from, sucked in one deep breath.

"No."

Loki released her and she stumbled backwards. Fear bubbled in her belly when Loki, without so much as a thought, lowered his staff and bore down on her again. Ellie tried not to cower in this looming shadow.

"On. Your. Knees. Elizabeth." He demanded, his voice absolutely lethal.

Ellie felt pangs of sadness slicing her to bits. Any fears she may have harbored were long gone.

Who was this…? Threatening her with those eyes, that feral snarl?

Again, she looked into the crowd. The many faces and eyes that met her gaze…

A choking breath escaped her as a large, hot tear fell down her cheek.

"Never." She said, holding her head high. She tried to quell the sorrow that thrummed in her chest and threatening to spill out of her like a careening tidal wave.

She hoped, prayed, that this would all end. That Loki's eyes would cease their relentless attack. That she would see the eyes that loved her. Not this.

Not this monster.

But her desperate prayers were never heard.

Loki, the fallen god, stood before her. Achingly slowly, he clutched his staff and pointed it square in her direction.

"You pathetic little fool." He spat. Without a breath of hesitation, he stormed forward and bellowing a warrior's yell.

Ellie felt the ground buckle below her and her vision was clouded with the same blue light. It stung her eyes and swallowed her whole. And-

She woke up.

* * *

><p>"Sorry, what did you say?"<p>

…

"Ellie?"

Ellie was torn away from her memories. She looked to right to see Catherine gazing at her curiously.

"Are you alright?" Her sister asked, having pocketed her phone.

Ellie considered the question for a moment.

A small 'Ping" announced that the sister's had finally reached their desired floor.

Catherine stepped out of the elevator first and waited for Ellie to follow.

Ellie's feet were planted on the plush scarlet floor, her head still swimming with the force of the dream.

"Come on, Ellie." Catherine goaded, a small smile playing on her pale lips.

"It was just a dream, right?"

Ellie shook her head from side to side. She stepped out of the elevator, clutching her coffee cup with both hands.

"Yes, of course," She said, tucking a stray hair into place.

"Just a dream."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and please leave me your thoughts!<p>

:O)

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	12. Innocence

A drabble in which Loki's mischievous ways rub off on Ellie and Steve acts cute. I said I would write more Loki and less Steve and then…this happened.

* * *

><p><strong>92. Innocence <strong>

"You know, I really don't know anything about you." Ellie said with uncharacteristic coyness. Leaning elbows on the rickety iron table, she rested her head on her knuckles. She realized how silly she must look; short of batting her eyes lashes it was something out of one of those old children's cartoons.

Steve just nodded trying to hide his apprehension, the sudden change in the air all too apparent to him. Ellie had something on her mind. And the now familiar shine in her eyes was not promising.

"Hmm…" he mustered.

"Just as you really don't know the first thing about me," Ellie continued.

"Mm-Hmm." Steve said. This was true. Of course, up until now this was more than satisfactory for the pair. Steve and Ellie spent time together in order to ignore and forget the terrible thoughts and feelings that followed them like a demon shadow. They spoke of nothing personal or intimate. It was comforting to know that, even if they were suffering, they weren't doing so alone.

"You know what I think we should do?" Ellie said, feeling particularly cheery on this day. The sun was peeking it's head out from the smattering of white clouds and the air was still and cool. She was enjoying a calming, quaint, and altogether picturesque Sunday brunch with a very handsome, quietly charming man. It was one of her good days. One of the rare days she didn't spend hung up on a certain disappearing god and more time on making something of herself. The blues were stuffed into their assigned drawer deep in the darkest caverns of her mind, hopefully this time to stay.

Steve desperately unsure of himself, coughed but dared to play along.

"How can I?" He said, still a bit too bashful to sell the effortless charm Ellie was giving off. "I know next to nothing about you."

It was a pitiful attempt, but Ellie smiled anyway. He was trying. Slowly but ever surely Ellie had made it her mission to draw Steve out of his depression. She was sure she could do it. And, on an entirely selfish level, she believed that if Steve could be happy so could she. Steve was her Adonis rock. She was using him, yes. But it wasn't as if she would be the only one to benefit.

"I think we should play a game." Ellie said, her dark eyes sparkling.

Steve gulped, but stayed his ground. He had stormed many a well-fortified HYDRA base. Shot down towering tanks, led many a man into certain death only to resurface stronger than ever before. He could certainly hold a possibly tenuous conversation with a woman. He steeled himself up a bit.

"A game?" He said, this time his aloofness much more believable.

Ellie nodded. "Yes, a game. In order to get to know each other."

"What sort of game?" Steve said, his curiosity peaked.

"Nothing serious." Ellie said, shrugging and dropping her guard now that she had successfully reeled him in. "Just a game of questions."

Steve seemed confused. He had never played such a game. Ellie herself had only witnessed others do it. Once in college. She had been keen to join in her new roommates fun, but it became quickly apparent to her that she had lived a life so strictly sheltered that she had no interesting stories to tell, no answers anyone would want to hear.

"I ask a question and then you ask a question. Simple, really. Except…" She trailed off for sport.

"Except that the questions start rather tamely and…let's say they evolve. The first one to refuse to answer is the loser. And absolutely no lying."

She playfully pointed an accusatory finger in Steve's direction, like a teacher scolding a naughty child.

Steve blanched. It was now, at a time most inopportune and yet entirely relevant, that he recalled the conversation he had had with a very disgruntled SHIELD agent. Not just any SHIELD agent. **The** SHIELD agent.

With the calm and always cool Coulson at his side Nick Fury had taken Steve aside that very morning to lay down some, well what he referred to as, "ground rules."

* * *

><p>"Coulson's been keeping his eye on you." Commander Fury said, nodding at the pale, balding man. Steve glanced at the agent, but Coulson's eyes were trained ahead. It was as if he had absolutely no interest in the little chat that was taking place in front of him.<p>

"Have I done something wrong?" Steve asked, quite honestly at a loss. There were still many customs and idioms that baffled him. The surprising number of female agents, the technology, the way SHIELD conducted itself…

"Not yet." Fury said flatly. "We do however have some concerns."

Steve straightened in his chair.

"I'm not gonna lie, Cap," Fury began. "I was thrilled to hear you had been sneaking out every so often. Out maneuvering my agents…For a while there I was wondering if you…lost your edge."

Steve let the almost insult be. He had nothing he needed to prove to these modern day soldiers. He was perfectly comfortable with his own abilities. The only problem was synching his ways with this new world, one he still felt distanced from.

"It's good to see the star-spangled man hasn't lost his pluck. But there comes a time when I little freedom dangerous to my division."

Steve could hardly believe what he was hearing. Freedom. The very thing he fought for. And his was seemingly being denied straight to his face.

Fury could see the clocks straining in the soldier's face. He made a mental note. Steve Roger's needed to work on his poker face.

_And I've got just the man to teach him to buck up. _Fury thought, thinking of a recently hired consultant.

"Don't mistake me, Roger's." Fury doubled back. "I have no intentions of denying you any rights. I just need you to understand that…discretion is of the upmost importance."

Steve relaxed a bit. He trusted Fury. He could see that the man had the best interests of humanity at the forefront of his mind.

"I don't understand." Steve said, wringing his hands together.

Nick Fury sighed. _These high flying, super powered divas never understand._

He glanced over his shoulder and, although Coulson's eyes were still trained on the wall, the agent snapped to attention and held a blank manila folder out. Fury snatched it from his hands and flung it out on the table.

"For the time being," Fury stated as Steve slipped several documents out of the folder. "It would be in your best interest to keep as low a profile as possible."

Steve flipped over the first page and understanding swept over him like a fog. It was a picture of him, on his precious bike, standing streetside chatting with Ellie.

"She doesn't know anything." Steve was quick to say.

"You think I don't know that?" Fury said, "Listen Cap. If there was the slightest chance of you revealing anything considered classified, you'd be dead on the ground."

Steve stared grimly into the eyes of his leader.

"I only want to tell you that you're treading on thin ice. If this little…crush of yours were to discover anything of consequence. Well, I'd hate to thin what actions I would be forced to take."

Steve considered Fury's words. The many implications were staggering. Whatever shit he would have to deal with could be blown he way. But what would become of Ellie? There were still aspects of SHIELD he had yet to be granted access to. And he wouldn't overlook the possibility that something sinister followed the mysterious organization around. Like a thin shadow.

"With all due respect, sir, I can't just lie to her."

Nick Fury chuckled at the ridiculousness of it all. Here before him stood Captain Steve Rogers, the unsung hero of the Second World War. While, Fury lived in a constant state of planning and generally kept his nose well out of the past, he could clearly recall the stories of his great uncle. Stories of the War, the battles, the comrades in arms. Even as a child, Fury was lucky to count himself as one of the few who knew the truth of the war. One thing he always took away from these stories: The great and mighty Cap was a beast on the battle field.

And here stood the hero from the olden days, afraid of a little white lie.

"Look, I'm not asking you to lie for the sake of my little operation here." Fury growled. He rose from behind his desk, slamming his palms to the table top.

"I'm ordering you. _Captain_."

* * *

><p>"So?" Ellie asked, trying to pull Steve out from another one of his reveries. "Are you up for it?"<p>

Steve glanced down at his empty plate. It was a terrible idea. He had lied in the past, but it had always been for the best of reasons. Somehow, no matter how hard he tried to justify it, he couldn't believe that lying to Ellie would ever be for the best.

"How about I go first?" Ellie suggested, "Just to show you what I mean."

She didn't wait for Steve to respond. She had been planning this little game for some time now. After a particularly gruesome Saturday night of drinking alone while Catherine was off visiting Simon in London, Ellie realized that she was repeating herself.

First it had been Eric. Or the man she assumed to be Eric. She had just plunged right into that mess because she was lonely. She didn't even consider the fact that she knew nothing about him.

_And we all know how that turned out, don't we? _She thought sullenly.

_Not again. Not with Steve. _

She would be damned if she didn't at least quell a few of her lingering curiosities before she invested anymore time in their relationship. Which was, at least for now, a close bond more than anything else.

"Do you have any siblings?" Ellie asked, sipping at her iced tea.

Steve breathed a sigh of relief.

"No." he said simply.

"Good to know." Ellie said, smiling warmly. "Not so terrifying, right?"

"I guess not." Steve said.

"Okay then. It's your turn." Ellie coaxed. "Anything. But save the good ones for later."

Steve, for the first time, let himself think about what sorts of questions he wanted to ask.

"Erm, well." He stuttered, his mind as blank as a slate. "Do you have any siblings? No, wait, of course you do. I met your sister. That's not my question."

Ellie bit her lip trying to hide her smile. He was really charming. In a clumsy sort of way. For the first time in her romantic life, she felt that she held some ground in the relationship.

"What's your favorite color?" Steve finished, thinking that she would outright laugh at his lameness. She didn't. Instead she rested her chin precariously on her index finger and did some serious mulling.

"Well, it used to be green," she said, her nose and brow scrunched as if she were reliving some unwanted memory. "But now I believe its violet. That deep, almost black violet."

Steve grinned a bit. He appreciated that she ignored his terrible conversation skills; it made him feel more comfortable around her. More comfortable than he felt around someone since…well, since Bucky.

"Who is your favorite actress?" Ellie said. She had thought carefully about this question. She was dying to know what types of girls Steve went for. And this was a very underhanded way of finding out.

Steve considered the question for a moment.

"Rita Hayworth."

Ellie's eyes widened. _Is he teasing me?_

"Rita Hayworth?" Ellie repeated.

Steve, realizing that maybe his answer was a bit suspect, tried to nod her off.

"Of course. I mean come on, she's a tried and true dame. And she's from Brooklyn."

_Dame? Tried and true? That's it. _Ellie thought, unable to hold back her grin this time. _I'm dreaming. He's fake. This is some reality television, hidden camera nonsense. He's a cyborg. A figment of my imagination. Yes, of course. My damned imagination._

"Who's your favorite actor?" Steve said, trying to divert her attention.

Ellie considered it. "Hmm…Johnny Depp."

Steve could honestly say he had no idea who Johnny Depp was. Still, he listened to Ellie's heartfelt reasoning's and nodded as if in agreement.

"What did you want to be when you were a kid?" Ellie asked, leaning back in her chair.

Steve thought back, a long, long ways back. He could barely remember his childhood. When he tried to recall it, it was as if he was watching a scratched up film reel in a darkened theater while wearing sunglasses.

"I wanted…I wanted to be a hero." Steve said, quite candidly.

Ellie nodded. "Yeah?'

"Yeah." Steve said, his chest aching with sudden nostalgia. "I wanted to fight for the little guy. Protect people. Of course it didn't help that I was the littlest of the little guys."

"Really? You?" Ellie asked leaning forward again.

"Is it that hard to believe?" Steve asked.

Ellie paused. "I don't know…is that your question?"

Steve momentarily caught off guard, shook off the onslaught of depression that threatened to sink him.

"Sure."

Ellie considered the question. She looked at Steve. Physically he was anything but little. He stood heads above the crowds, heads above her, and carried himself with some intimidation. At least, he would have been intimidating if it weren't for his eyes and disposition.

He was too kind, humble, and quiet. Ellie never felt for a second that he was anything but a solemn sweetheart.

"No." She decided. "I guess I believe it."

Steve relaxed a bit. Ever since he had been chosen as the next breed of soldier a worry had been itching at the back of his head. He worried that he may not be able to hold onto the child that he was. The little guy that never gave up and always knew where it was he came from.

"Your turn." Ellie said.

"Are you still writing?" Steve asked, remembering their last outing. He had taken to his sketchbook again and Ellie had been scribbling in a torn up journal of her own.

Ellie's perky disposition faltered slightly. "No. I'm missing someon-something. And it's taking a toll…"

Steve regretted his question and wished he could make her smile again. "Your turn."

Ellie and Steve locked eyes over the table. "Alright, I'm going to raise the bar now…"

She had planned to asked him what it was he did for a living. She hadn't the slightest idea. But anther question slithered to the front of her mind and before she could stop herself the words were out of her mouth.

"How old were you for your first time?"

Ellie slapped a hand over her mouth, a rosy blush creeping up her neck.

Steve looked confused. "My first time what?"

Ellie cocked her head to the side. "You know…? Oh, don't make me say it."

Steve just shrugged.

"Then never mind it." Ellie said, hastily. "I'll think of another one-"

"Oh no," Steve said, shaking his head. "You've got to stick with it. Just tell me what you meant by-"

"I meant…" Ellie began, not sure of how to proceed. "You know, Steve, the first time you…"

When it was clear he was still in the dark, Ellie leaned forward and motioned Steve to do the same.

"…had…sex?" Ellie whispered, cupping her hand over her mouth.

Steve felt all the color drain from his face.

Ellie pulled back again, realizing that she had tread on a sensitive subject.

"It was that bad, huh? You don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to…"

Steve was conflicted. He wanted to be honest with Ellie. Even though he had been expressly commanded otherwise…

_The very least I can do is be honest about…other things. _

"I've never had one." Steve blurted, unsure if it was the right way to say it.

"Had one what?" Ellie repeated distracted by her own lack of tact and embarrassment.

Steve, not intent on pronouncing it again, looked at her expectantly.

Ellie mulled over his words until she realized what it was he was referring to.

"You've…?" Ellie started. "You've never?"

The very idea that someone as handsome and as gentlemanly as Steve had never…

"You're a virgin?" Ellie whispered, sounding appalled. "Oh, no. Steve Roger's don't you lie to me."

Steve, seeing that the thought of lying seemed to upset her, shifted in his chair. "I'm not, Ellie, I-"

He stopped, only just realizing what it was he was admitting to.

"I-I" he stammered, suddenly very aware of the dozens of café patron's crammed closely around their table. "I've never-"

Ellie held a hand up to pause him. "No, no. I believe you. It's just…"

Ellie pulled her hair out of her face. "I mean, you're so…"

She stopped. "You're so-well, any woman would give her unborn child to-No, not that…"

"You're very handsome, okay?" Ellie finally spat, glaring at Steve as if her admission was entirely his fault. "I would be hard-pressed to find a woman in this city who wouldn't agree to have-What am I saying? Don't listen."

Ellie fretted, and imagined stabbing herself through the stomach for her own stupidity. _Don't just tell the man he's a catch. Can he honestly not know?_

Ellie glanced at Steve, a blush was evident on his cheeks.

_He really is a…virgin. Alert the woman of New York._

Ellie smiled awkwardly, crossed her legs and then uncrossed them again.

"What?" She said. Steve was still staring, clearly embarrassed. "Come on, now, Roger's..."

"It's your turn."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading a please review!<p>

Loki and Steve will love you for it! ;OP

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	13. Seeing Red

A **very** short little bit. Thank you so much for reading!

*Inspired by the song "She Was Here" by Rachel Grimes

* * *

><p><strong>33. Seeing Red<strong>

In times of great silence, our minds work to fill the void. Very rarely are the damned left alone in peace and assurance.

Loki was no stranger to pangs of loneliness. At times, he would feel alone in the mighty halls of Asgard, surrounded by those who named themselves as his friends. He could see their lips moving, see their eyes trained on his face, see their lies slipping from them as easily as a breeze passes through the branches of a tree. They did not want for his company. He knew all too well that the people of Asgard feared him, knew him to be different. As if, even then all those years past, they had known of his origin.

And now, as he traveled alone, as he had always planned to, even as a boy, he could feel loneliness pressing into his chest like a shining dagger.

When the stillness and the blackness and the silence threatened to destroy his sanity and rip him into pieces, he would shut his eyes and escape into his own plain of thought.

As a boy, he would imagine the warmness of his mother's voice, the approving eyes of his father, the jovial laughter of his brother.

Now, the vision that would bring him strength and comfort, only left him sick and distraught.

A new vision would have to take it's place. One stronger. A memory. Something real. Not something he dreamed of and wished into reality.

The sound of birds: small tittering little creatures, as innocent as the night was black. The swell of a gathering storm: a quiet careful rumbling that the mortals could not hear. And at last: the sound of boots scraping against stone and dust, struggling over tough terrain to reach their destination.

There is was. At the moment he had first heard it, he had cursed it. He had known what would come of such noises. He had not believe that the moment would become a memory worth returning to. And yet, here he was, breathing it in with all the desires of his heart.

The first sound he had heard of her, echoing in his mind, flooding into the dark places and calming the anger that latched onto his heart like a desperate parasite.

As the sound, which he recalled as often as he could allow, began to grow louder and louder, Loki pictured her as she was when she stepped into his life.

Blankets of red hair poured into his black vision catching rays of unseen light, the swirl of peachy, freckled-spattered skin, rosy from the chill, and eyes as dark as torrential storms pressed in on his mind's eye.

They looked on him without fear, without loathing, without disappointment.

Merely curiosity, as bright and as pure as a child's.

And then, a far off smile, tainted with something he had not cared to recognize at the time. But now, as he watched her face, making sure to note every detail, he knew all too well what tarnished her lips.

The same loneliness. The same sadness. The same shadow.

He pushed the thought away and focused on the string of red hair that danced in front of him. So close he itched to touch it, to feel any part of her against his fingers.

As time passed, the vision became less and less clear. He strained, body and soul, to keep her face as it once was. But now, as he drifted further and further away...

...not even the sound of her boots scraping against the earth could soothe the unrest that clouded his soul.

Now, all that remained was flashes of red, sparks on a black field.


	14. Everyday Magic

**48. Everyday Magic**

After the escapade in the rain, Ellie found herself quite keen to see more of Loki's tricks. However, she didn't know how to go about coxing him into another performance.

She knew she didn't want to just outright ask the god to show off for her. No, she was still too proud to do that. She could only hope she was clever enough to string him along before he noticed.

She did have an idea of how to spark the flame. But it was a dangerous, stupid idea.

Loki, it turned out, was as vain as a primping peacock. It was something she had always assumed when he was still pretending to be Eric. A man of such careful primping and poise had to have a bit of an ego. Ellie had no way of knowing how right she was.

He was currently locked in the bathroom doing god knows what. Ellie could only assume he was playing with his ink black locks, which had been growing steadily since she had first seen him, almost a month ago.

Slipping stocking covered feet into her boots and slithered into her jacket. Taking a few tentative steps towards the door, she tested the volume of her shoes against the wooden floors. She could hardly hear her light footfalls over the sound of her own heart hammering away in her head.

She dared not breathe as she stepped past the bathroom door. With great slowness she placed her fingers onto the handle of the door and pressed down.

A jerking cringe rippled through her, as the sound of the lock sliding from its home seemed as loud as a thunder clap to her ears.

_I know I want to be caught but…this is terrify-_

"And just where are you going?" A sly voice cooed, as a chilly breath rakes past her ear.

Loki's hand was over hers which was still gripping the door handle. His lips rested by her temple and Ellie cold fell the smile playing on them. She tried to shrug him away.

"Out." She said simply, trying her best to sound unaffected.

"Oh?" Loki said, with a gentle but firm grip he pulled her hand away from the door, slipping his fingers through hers. "Whatever for?"

Ellie pursed her lips. He was doing it again, acting like a warden. She was tired of this.

_Screw it. I'll just be honest. _

"Well, I was hoping you would come with me." Ellie said, her voice lilting and cool.

Loki released her, pleasantly surprised at this little turn. However, her curiosity was beginning to annoy him. "Where exactly?"

Ellie grinned. She spun around so that she could look him straight in the eye. With a deviant's grin on her face she pushed herself onto her toes , so her lips could brush the side of his ear.

"To wreak some havoc." She whispered.

She didn't have to wonder if he caught her drift. He sneered delightedly and whisked the door open.

"If the lady wishes it." He said with much bravado.

Ellie scrambled into the hallway, more excited than she had been in weeks and months. To watch Loki call upon his magic was a glorious sight to behold.

Ellie spent her entire childhood terrified of acting out, knowing that, if she did, her parents would never forgive her. It wasn't until she started attending college that she began to go against their wishes and finally start living. Once she got a taste for it, she hated to go back to the way she was. And now she had the chance to have some real fun, she could hardly bare to let it pass her by.

_It all harmless really. Just bit of fun at the expense of the unsuspecting. Besides. He seems so happy…_

Ellie had realized that she was terribly, utterly filled with joy when Loki was happy. It was something so rare, but when he smiled she couldn't keep a smile off of her own face.

"Did you have anything in mind?" Loki asked coyly as they flew down the hotel in the elevator.

"Is there anything you haven't shown me?" Ellie asked, quite curious. Did he have any limitations when it came to his magic?

Loki sighed, causing Ellie to glance up at him. "Elizabeth, there are whole worlds you have yet to see."

Ellie's brow furrowed, as some foreign anticipation rattled in her chest.

_What is he talking about? I mean…I know he didn't come from here. But when he says "yet to see," is he saying he would take me places…other than earth? _

The thought thrilled her to no end. She couldn't even begin to imagine what was out there. What she had yet to see. Hell, she could barely wrap her head around there being other worlds.

As she pondered his cryptic comment, the elevator reached the lobby. Loki took her hand in his and dragged her along behind him. He too, was anxious for some fun. After the adventure in the rain, he longed to show her more of his great power. He would never care to admit it aloud, but he enjoyed impressing her. Watching her stormy eyes go wide as saucers, seeing her smile, hearing her laughter.

They exited the stuffy lobby and were immediately pulled into the flow of sidewalk traffic. Ellie held fast to Loki's hand; she had already started looking for potential targets.

_Have I always been this mean-spirited? Oh, don't dwell on it, Ellie, shut up and have some fun. _

"Well," Loki whispered into her ear. He delighted in her obvious fright.

"Well…" She repeated once she recovered. "You're the…master?"

Loki sneered, she walked into that one. "That I am. Never forget it."

Ellie snorted. Yes, Loki was the exact definition of a primping peacock.

She smiled. "Prove it."

Loki stopped his long strides and Ellie ran into him. "Is that a challenge?" He teased.

Ellie nodded. "That it is." She said, purposefully mocking him.

Loki laughed aloud, causing a few passers-by to stare. No one in New York acted that happy unless they were crazy and homeless.

Ellie blushed, embarrassed. "Hush, you'll draw attention…"

Loki only grinned. He too searched the crowds for a possible patsy.

"Ah," He said, drawing Ellie attention to a flock of young students waiting for a bus. Ellie glanced at them and then back at Loki wondering what it was he would do. Each one of the kids held their electronic device of choice as close to their face as they could manage. Instead of holding actual conversations, the teens tapped and tacked away on their phones, not uttering one word. Several of them had ear buds stuffed in their ears and Ellie could hear the erratic beats pounding softly.

They all wore matching, pressed uniforms. The girls decked out in maroon plaid skirts with matching jackets and crimped ties. Their hair was clearly done up professionally and they wore very grown up make-up. Over one girls arm was draped a designer bag and matching scarf.

The boys wore similar outfits, their jacket buttons undone and their ties loosened. They chatted loudly, their eyes scanning the passing crowds and shouting rude pick-up lines at the women who walked by.

They were the sort of students Ellie had come to despise after years of private prep school education. Snotty and snobbish, they cared more about status than much else. Their sense of entitlement was so over blown from years of fawning parents and piles of money.

Loki, relishing the moment, looked down at Ellie smiling. She knew he was goading her and she elbowed him with soft impatience.

A bright yellow fire hydrant sat innocently by the circle of kids. With a snap, it burst sending burst of water every which way. The teens, so wrapped up in image, screamed and squealed. Girls, fretted over covering their hair and boys cursed with obvious naiveté.

Ellie couldn't help herself. She laughed aloud at the display. Slapping a hand over her mouth she tried to silence her glee. Without realizing it, she wrapped her arm around Loki's, linking them together and pressing herself closer to him.

Loki looked down, inexplicably overwhelmed by the small gesture. Their skin was separated by layers of scratchy clothing, but his veins throbbed with the feeling of her so close to him. He was amazed that anyone would knowingly place themselves closer to him. Before Ellie knew what he was, he had coerced her touch. Now she was acting on her own, without any coaxing from him.

"Loki?" Her voice broke through his reverie. She was staring up at him with those impenetrable dark orbs. "Are you alright?"

"Of course." He said smoothly. But Ellie was convinced.

She frowned. "You looked sad."

Loki tried to smile for her, but he knew the smile could not reach his icy green eyes.

"What shall I do next?" He said, hoping to distract her. He should not be dwelling on such pathetic thoughts and neither should Ellie.

Ellie knew he was hiding some bleak thought from her, but she chose to ignore it for now.

They were close to the park now, and Ellie was dying to separate herself from the bustling, bumping crowds.

"You can shapeshift, eh?" Ellie asked. "Into animals?"

Loki sniffed. He was being underestimated. He hated that.

"More than animals." He said, a dangerous edge in his voice.

Ellie was not intimidated with his burgeoning hissy fit. She parted form him and walked deeper into the park. "Oh really?"

She was feigning disinterest, but it was difficult to keep up. After she had recovered from the horror of seeing the man she adored turn into the cat she had put up with, she had thought it was quite a sight to behold. She was dying of curiosity, wondering what else he could transform into.

Spun around, hands clasped together behind her back. Loki, who was a few feet behind her, appraised her. She left her red hair down today, bangs tucked carefully under a black headband. She wore her favorite black boots, dark jeans stuffed into them, and a plum colored jacket that was buttoned up to her neck. A flowery scarf was wrapped around her neck.

At first he had been appalled at the near constant state of casual dress that all of the mortals seemed to wear with undeserved pride. Her freckled cheeks were flushed in the cold. Now he found Ellie's bundled up form rather pleasing.

"Well, Mr. God, let's see what you can do!" Ellie said excitedly. She had made sure to scour the area first. No one was close enough to see them.

Loki chuckled, spurred by her request. _I could start small I suppose. _

He casually ran his fingers through his ink black locks.

Ellie watched with wide eyes as heaps of blonde curls seemed to sprout from his skull, successfully covering up the cool black. It was such a small change, but it made Loki into an entirely different person. He looked years younger and cute. Ellie knew she still preferred his darker hair, but she wasn't exactly put off by the man who stood before her know.

Tentatively she approached him and rose up on her toes again. She twisted one sunny blonde curl around her gloved finger and tugged on it lightly. Loki felt his eyes droop shut as her flowery smell enveloped him. He breathed contently as she played with his hair.

"Small changes are the most effective." He said, his voice caught in a whisper.

"Is that so?' Ellie said, suddenly aware of how close she was to him. "Well, blonde suits you…"

She paused, flushing. She stepped back a bit.

"Oh, who am I kidding? The skin of a slaughtered pig would suit you." She said candidly.

Loki sneered. "You flatter me."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'm well aware my words go wasted... Like your ego needs pampering…"

Loki slipped his arms around her waist. "Words are never wasted on the truth."

"Ugh." Ellie said, rolling her eyes. "Kill me."

He laughed and ran his fingers through his hair again. Ellie turned around and pouted.

"Oh, I sort of preferred the blonde." She said, teasing.

Loki raised one brow. "You shouldn't lie to me, Ellie. I can always tell the liars."

Ellie, as per usual, completely ignored the thinly veiled threat. She was far too focused on what he had called her. Ellie. Usually he refused to use her shortened name. Her heart would jump whenever he reverted to Ellie. It was then that she knew his guard had been dropped entirely.

She smiled thoughtfully, reached out and took his hand in hers.

The couple stared at their linked hands as a winter's silence engulfed them. Their breath hitched in their throats and the world around them seemed to fade into nothing.

They stayed still as statues for some time.

Until a wayward snowball, flew out from the bushes and hit Loki's pale cheek. As the ball broke apart, icy flakes clung to his cheek while other's fell to his shoulder.

Ellie's eyes went wide and the pair glanced in the direction the snowball had come from. Several young boys jumped up from the bushes laughing a cat calling.

Ellie stared back at Loki, whose green eyes had turned murderous. She laughed out loud, almost unable to keep herself on her feet.

She pointed at him with her free hand, snickering without abandon.

Loki felt a familiar rage bubbling in his chest. He tried to drag his hand out of her grasp, but Ellie held fast.

"Oh, come on," She said, breathless form laughter. "There just kids."

"Please." Loki seethed. "That they would dare to-"

He stopped when Ellie reached up to brush the snow from his cheek and shoulder. "There see. Good as new."

When she saw that he was less than appeased, she shook her head.

"I think it's time you showed me another trick." She said suggestively.

Loki tore his eyes away from the gaggle of children. He sneered understanding her intention.

"Yes," he said, turning his attention back to the unsuspecting boys. He lifted his hand in the air, palm facing the sky. If those bastard children wanted a fight, they would get it. "I believe I shall."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading! Happy Holidays!<p> 


	15. Different

Because I can't be stopped (& also because several people requested it), here is more Steve. ^_^

There is a bit of Loki and a bit of Peggy as well.

* * *

><p><strong>2. Different. <strong>

_He's late. _Ellie thought miffed. _He's always late. _

She stood waiting on the steps of the Met. The chill of winter was finally beginning to fade away and the sun shone down on the stretch of steps. University students sat in the sun, chatting away their free time. A group of uniformed elementary students were nibbling away on packed lunches while their teacher lectured them. Several clumps of tourists huddled together over wrinkly maps planning out their next adventure.

Ellie climbed up several more steps, hoping that she would catch sight of Steve before he could sneak up on her as he always did. Teetering from her heels to her toes, she waited with growing nerves.

This wouldn't be the first time he stood her up. But would it be the last?

Her head bobbed from side to side, trying to spot his carefully styled straw hair or his leather jacket. As she searched, she ignored the temptation to check her phone for the time.

_I like Steve. _She thought. _I do. _

It wasn't something she could deny any longer. Steve was the sort of man little girls dreamed about. He was kind hearted and gentlemanly, handsome and respectful. A prince living amongst the thieves and the pirates, the rogues and the, well, the general assholes.

_Punctuality aside, _Ellie thought, _I would be lucky to have him. _

Still, Ellie was hesitant to accept Steve into her life fully. Partly because Steve himself seemed as hesitant as she was. And the other reason…she knew why of course, the answer rooted in her mind always.

As she toyed with the idea of leaving and going back home, her fingers played with the frayed edges of the scarf that was draped around her neck. _His _scarf.

Her eyes lingered from the sparse crowds down to her hands. The dark, muted hounds-tooth fabric was scratchy against her skin, but she tugged at the scarf, running it through her fingers as if doing so would spark a distant memory.

Looking around, Ellie confirmed that no one was paying attention to the girl standing on the stairs by herself. She shifted the scarf upwards, so that the fabric covered her nose and mouth. Shutting her eyes tightly, she breathed deeply.

Even after all this time, through much wear and tear and one mistake washing, the scarf was still bathed in his scent. Sucking in the smell, Ellie was overcome. The powerful scent, reminiscent of winter frost and mint corroded her mind, making her feel empty and dizzy. A familiar shiver crawled up her spine and spread through her shoulders causing her knees to go weak.

A thousand images flashed behind her eyelids, each of them memories of him blending together in her head. In that small moment, it was though she could feel him near, his arms snaking around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder. She could imagine it was all too real. She could easily pretend his breathy laugh near was her ear, her heart fluttering at the sound of it. He would whisper something like "darling" or tease her hair between his gracefully long fingers. Ellie was swept up into her own mind's eye; a silly grin playing on her lips.

But in a terrible flash the smell faded into familiarity, only to be replaced by a pounding, inescapable ache. It thrummed in her chest, pulsing in her ears, spreading through her veins, encompassing her with longing. She sighed, trying to push the pain of reality out and away, dragging the scarf away from her face.

Opening her eyes, she jumped to find Steve standing before her. Only two steps down, he was at eye level. A knowing, apologetic look bubbled in his ocean eyes, a bashful smile plastered on his face.

"I'm late aren't I?"

* * *

><p>Steve knew very well he was late. He was grateful that Ellie seemed to have a boundless sense of patience.<p>

It wasn't as if he could explain to her the reasons for his tardiness.

Fury was sending agents after him now. They always stayed a safe distance away, but Steve was starting to grow hateful of their presence. He was a grown man, a decorated war hero, he did not need to be looked after like a - child.

So he had to lose them, which was beginning to take some doing, the more agents he outwitted the more Fury imposed on him. After he had lost them, he was forced to double back and start again, just to be sure.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he hurried down the street knowing full well that he was already running late. He was the one who suggested the date. He was the one who suggested the time. For him to be this late…

An old memory sparked in the back of his mind. Steve didn't have to recognize it fully to know it was not something he wanted to be thinking about just then. He tried to push the memory back into the shadows, but memories are persistent creatures. The more you try to push them away, the more they push back, filling your mind.

"_You're late." _

_Peggy…_Steve thought, the trite and tough melody of her voice ringing in his head like a bell.

He missed her. He knew he always would. She was constantly in his head. During long, sleepless nights he would imagine the life he could have had with her. After the war ended. After he had done his duty to his country. He could have been with her, married her, grown old with her. Danced with her.

He had expressly refused to learn what she had done after his death, after the war had ended. She must have married, how could a woman like her go without a husband? Some man had to have the sense to see what Steve had seen.

There wasn't another woman alive like Peggy…then. And now.

As his thoughts swirled around Peggy, his pace had slowed. The thought of her brought a weight to his shoulders he could never hope to lift. He had never gotten to hold her. Run his fingers through her hair. Tell her he loved her.

Everything he imagined doing with the one woman for him would have to go undone.

He stopped walking, the people behind him cursing and jostling to get around.

_I had a date. _

_No…I have a date._

Looking up, he realized he had arrived at the Met. Glancing around he spotted Ellie close to the top of the stairs. Her red hair was flung about by the wind. She wore a slim fitting plum colored skirt with black tights and ballet flats. Her hands were stuffed into the pockets of her thick navy coat, her scarf tugged up around her face.

_She must be angry with me. _He thought, ashamed at his own rudeness. His mother had always told him when he was young, never to be late. Climbing the stairs he stopped in front of her, unsure of what to say.

He watched her for a moment, after realizing her eyes were tightly shut. She had no idea he was there.

Cocking his head to one side he examined her. She was a pretty girl. Yes, her features were decidedly more girlish than Peggy's. Peggy's face was hard lines, beautifully crafted with high cheek bones, large lips, and sharp eyes. Ellie's face was rounded, speckled with freckles and small pouty lips.

Suddenly, Ellie's eye fluttered open, she pull her scarf away from her face, and jumped when she saw him.

* * *

><p>Ellie thought about glaring at Steve, she thought about berating him, telling him off, raising her voice and drawing attention to herself and then storming off in a dramatic huff. But she just couldn't resist that damn puppy face Steve was currently sporting.<p>

Instead she sighed, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Only a little," she muttered.

She turned on her heel and began to climb the few final stairs. Steve bounded up behind her until he matched her pace.

"Are you angry?" He meant it to sound empathetic, but he couldn't hide the chuckle in his voice. He knew very well she was angry with him and he was happy she chose to ignore it. Well, she tried.

Ellie glanced up at him. "Only a little." She said again, her anger melting away.

In all honesty, she was relieved he had even shown up. It had been a week since she had seen him last and she missed him.

As per usual, Steve offered her his leather clad arm which she took almost eagerly.

They were there to see a display of photographs and memorabilia celebrating the conquering heroes of the Second World War.

Steve, when he could skirt the subject no longer, had told Ellie that he was a historian. It was a paper thin lie and he did not believe it would carry much weight for very long. If Ellie was suspicious of his claims about his career she graciously kept them to herself.

Steve, had wanted to see the display since he had seen the flags advertising it's coming. However, he knew he couldn't brave the visit by himself. For him, the display was not a long lost history. It was the only life he knew. And imaging the sight of it, through fading black white pictures and crumbling souvenirs made his stomach turn.

* * *

><p>"So this is what you studied?" Ellie asked, searching Steve's eyes.<p>

He had been oddly quiet as they had begun to peruse through the room that housed the featured displays. The high ceilings were adorned with Americana banners and tattered flags that had seen the battlefield. Large glass display cases housed uniforms and the personal effects of lost soldiers. The walls were covered with original posters and art work inspired by the tenuous wartime.

There was a great deal to look at and Steve studied everything with an almost closeted reverence.

He nodded in response to Ellie's question. His eyes were trained on a small journal protected by glass. Ellie peered into the glass. A small tag next to the journal indicated that it had belonged to a Dr. Abraham Erskine.

Clasping her hands behind her back, Ellie wandered further down the line. The heels of her flats clicked loudly in the large hall. There weren't many people in the museum on this day. Steve and Ellie were more or less alone.

"It's terrible, isn't it?" She said aloud.

Steve tore his eyes away from the book and looked at Ellie questioningly. No doubt it was terrible. But what exactly was she referring to?

"So many wonderful stories." She said, managing a grim smile. "But for them to have to come from something so horrible…"

Steve often wondered himself. He was proud of his accomplishments, proud of what he was able to do for his county. Most of all, he was proud of what he had become. He looked back down at the journal, the one that belonged to the man who had given him the world.

What if there had been no war? What if no one this had occurred. Steve could hardly imagine. He would have gone on living a powerless life. The struggles would have never ceased. He would have never known Peggy Carter. Would he give it all up if it meant his fellow comrades would have continued to live long happy lives?

There was no answer he could give.

* * *

><p>"Are you alright?" Ellie asked tenderly. Steve had yet to say a word. They had spent the most of the day in the museum. The sun was beginning to sink behind the buildings above.<p>

Ellie sat at the top of the stairs with Steve, patiently waiting for him. Steve didn't respond, he seemed lost in thought.

She cleared her throat, trying to avoid the urge to begin playing with her scarf again.

Suddenly Steve rose to his feet. Ellie craned her neck and peered up at him.

"Steve?"

When he didn't answer her, she clamored to her feet.

"Steve?"

Steve turned to face Ellie. As he always did, he expected to stare into Peggy's warm almond eyes. But Peggy wasn't there. Ellie was.

Reaching out, Steve clutched Ellie's shoulders. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to hers.

Ellie's fingers clutched at the strap of her purse, which was still wrapped over her shoulder. Her body was stiff with surprise, but she didn't pull away. Steve smelt of leather and spice, nothing like the chilly winter frost she was used to.

Steve's mind was a whirl. This was it. The first kiss he had ever initiated. He had imagined such kisses with Peggy as his receiver. But this was different. Ellie's lips felt soft against his. His heart lurched at the surprise gasp that had left her seconds before.

When he pulled away, both faces were flushed. Ellie stood stock still, her hands still clasping her purse strings as if it was the only thing keeping her standing. Steve's hands still hovered close to her shoulders.

"I-I apologize." He stuttered.

Ellie shook her head. "N-no, you don't, don't apologize for that. I mean-"

She stopped. _Why is it that I can never gather my words when I'm with him?_

She grinned, composing herself. "Just don't think that a kiss will get you out of being late."

Steve stopped his fretting. She was joking with him. Ellie took a step closer and, lifting herself to her toes, brushed her lips against his, light as a feather's touch.

"It won't work next time." She said, stepping away. She began to descend down the stairs, calling over her shoulder.

"I'll see you soon!"

Steve watched her go. He touched his finger to his lips.

* * *

><p>I wasn't sure how to end this one, so I just sort of…did.<p>

Thank you for reading and leaving reviews. I am still stunned that people read my little stories and I thank you for it!


	16. Untitled

This little fragment takes place while Loki is still under the guise of "Eric." I wasn't sure what to title it. It was a little moment that popped into my head so I just had to write it out. I'll just let it be.

* * *

><p><em>Mortals<em>. Loki thought despairingly. He had already spent more time on the planet than his brother and he had yet to find even one redeeming quality to the primitive, pathetic race. His interactions with them were cloying at best. _How could my brother stand these boorish, helpless little creatures for even a second?_

Well, Loki had never looked to Thor for his taste in company. The warriors three, although competent soldiers, were boisterous and often foolish when off of the battlefield. The Lady Sif was indeed a talented warrior, but her competitive streak often drove Loki to terrors. Loki never did understand why Thor needed to keep them around. He only assumed it was an unconscious attempt to boost the thunder god's already bloated ego. So it came to no surprise that Thor's love for the humans was as misguided as his love for his Asgardian comrades.

His interactions with them had been cloying at best. Some of them were as ignorant as the skies were blue. Others thought themselves of more worth than they would ever amount to. He had to control the urge to sever a few vocal chords or frighten a mortal or two into a quivering puddle of submission.

He was here to bring attention to himself. No, he was biding his time, gathering his strength, and formulating his plans. He would have his moment, he would take what belonged to him. He only had to recognize what exactly that was.

"Eric, Hi."

It was Ellie, just off of work it seemed. Her hair was piled atop her head, stray strands escaping the black ribbon she had used to tie it up. He freckled cheeks were flushed from the unnatural warmth of the Western winter.

She stood at the door of his "home," her jacket resting over her arm as she clutched her purse strap with her free hand. She looked positively beat, her eyes bright, but the circle under them heavy and well defined.

He attempts to hide her exhaustion were fruitless. He invited her in with a fleeting smile. She walked into the house, still warily. She was a bright little thing, Loki noted. Even after all this time, she was still aware that there was something about him she should be cautious of. While other humans sought him out, like pestering insects to the web, there were the choice few that knew he was a threat to their well-being.

Of course, Ellie would never be able to know what it was that made her leery of him. He could imagine she had come up with dozens of theories.

It seemed the girl never stopped thinking. It was something he learned about when he was still in feline form. At all hours of the day and night she would drop whatever she was doing to write. The first time he had witnessed it, he had thought she was lost to some enchantment. She hopped out of bed, rushing to find her notebook, muttering to herself all the while. Then, she had begun to scrawl in such a frenzy, Loki had been sure she would tear the paper under her pen to crinkly shreds.

Her dark eyes were never vacant; there was always a thought or a dream thrumming in her head. It was quite a sight to watch. He found fleeting amusement in watching her work at the restaurant. Somehow, even though her mind was far gone, she could maneuver in between tables, shouldering heavy trays of food, and serve her customer's in a timely manner.

At times, he had been tempted to trip her up or change the orders on her plates. He grinned imagining the uproar it would cause. He was curious to know how Ellie would react.

"I brought food." Ellie said, completely unaware of the thoughts floating through the god's mischievous mind. "I hope you're not allergic to anything…"

Ellie let her jacket slide off of her arm and into a high standing chair at the bar in Eric's kitchen. She placed a plastic bag laden with food onto the ledge and then slipped her purse onto the back of the chair.

She moved to prepare the food and jumped when she found Eric leaning over her. He was so quiet and stealthy, it drove her mad.

"You look tired." He said in a manner most teasing.

Ellie blushed, embarrassed. _Tired. _She thought. _Nice way to say crappy…_

He was blocking her way into the kitchen. When he didn't budge, she lifted her hands to her hair, untying the bow and trying to mold her ginger locks into a more presentable shape.

"Well," She stuttered. "Double shifts will do that to you."

When he offered to response, Ellie slipped past him, trying not to shiver as her chest rubbed against his.

She coughed and reached over the counter for the bag of leftovers. Loki stood by the bar, leaning over it watching her. He knew the constant scrutiny made her uncomfortable and seeing her in such a tizzy was quite entertaining.

As Ellie wandered around the kitchen looking for plates and silverware, she tried to ignore the stares she knew were hammering through her like gunshots. He didn't say a word, didn't offer any clues as to where his elusive silverware was hiding.

What Ellie didn't know what that Loki had been sure to stock every drawer and cupboard with acceptable cutlery and supplies. As she opened each drawer, Loki would cause the items inside to disappear from her eye.

After looking through the last drawer, Ellie sighed exasperated. Placing her hands on her hips she spun around to face Eric. Her sat at the bar, elbows on the table, grinning at her.

"Look, I know you men aren't much for cooking these days," She started, trying to be assertive. "But please tell me you own plates and spoons and the like?"

He only smiled wider and carelessly waved his hand towards the cupboards to his right. Ellie's eyes followed his hand and she huffed.

"I just looked there. You watched me look there."

When he failed to respond again, Ellie felt herself growing impatient. She stomped over to the drawer and opened it.

"See?" She said, waving her hand as if the contents of the drawer were on display in some glittery game show.

"I see." Loki said, delightedly.

Ellie's brow furrowed in confusion and she turned to look inside the cupboard. Plates, bowls, and cups were stacked neatly within. She blinked, staring into the cupboard as if it contained the secrets of the universe.

"But…" She mumbled. She had been absolutely sure that there had not been a single cup, plate, or bowl in that cupboard. There hadn't been a single cup, plate, or bowl in any of the drawers or cupboards.

_I did look in this one didn't I? _She thought. Absentmindedly, she tugged at a lock of her hair. _Am I goes crazy? _

"You're tired." Loki said, finally. He couldn't hide the grin on his face, nor would he try to. Ellie was far to fun to tease and torment, far more so than the other mortals he had stumbled across.

Ellie just shook her head. "Tired and insane." She muttered to herself. She slipped to of the coal black, square plates from their hiding place and set them down on the counter.

"Well, what about silverware?" Ellie asked, choosing to let it go. _I must've just missed it. Walked right by it. _

Loki only pointed again, to a drawer directly across from him past the black marble island in the center of the cramped kitchen space. Ellie looked over his shoulder, in the direction of his finger.

_Now, I __**know**__ I looked there. _She bit her lip, troubled. Glancing back at Eric, she waited for some sort of explanation. When he offered none she shuffled over to the drawrd and wrapped her fingers around it's metallic handle. Taking a deep breath she pulled it open. Low and behold it was well stocked. Tossing her head back, not caring what Eric would think, she cursed.

"Oh dammit!"

Her cheeks went hot when she heard Eric's light chuckle. She did her very best to ignore him and rubbed the exhaustion from her eyes. She really was going crazy. First the ghost in her apartment, now this.

Gathering up the necessary tools, she walked around the island and came back to the bar, dropping them to the counter with a resounding clatter. _Just ignore it. Just ignore him, Ellie. Little shit, laughing at me…_

She hadn't known Eric for very long. One thing she did now was that he could be a real bastard sometimes. He openly took pleasure at the small misfortunes of others. Of course, Ellie felt the same way about some of it, but she was always careful to hide her giggle when some stuffy business man tripped over his own feet or when an unsuspecting pedestrian walked straight into a pole.

Ellie was keen to ignore Eric's obvious meanness, mostly because she was so desperately lonely and because, well, he was a lovely sight for sore eyes.

_Then there's the necking…_She thought to herself as she transferred the food from their Styrofoam boxes. _So he's a bit of a jerk…Nothing really wrong with that…I mean he's never gone out of his way to be mean or rude. It's only when people are really asking for it. And it's not like this will turn into anything. It's…just a bit of fun. _

"Alright," Ellie said, once she was satisfied. "There's nothing wrong with the food. The hippy hipster women who ordered it sent it back because it reeked of bad chi…apparently."

Ellie rolled her eyes at the memory. She placed one plate in front of Eric and the other one next to it. Rounding the bar, she walked past him. She was about to lift herself into the chair next to him, when his long arm slithered around her waist.

"And where are you going?" He said slyly.

Before Ellie could answer, he swept her up and into his lap. So tall and lanky was Eric that his legs reached the ground, even though the chair was high. Ellie's legs, however, dangled over his lap. It was nice actually, she had been on her feet most of the day and her overworked soles were thrumming with a familiar ache.

Still, she felt a little like a child. Eric's hand was clamped firmly to her aide keeping her from wriggling away. Without hesitation, he pressed his lips against hers, teasing her neck with his fingers.

Ellie pulled away, placing her hands on his broad shoulders. "Aren't you hungry?"

Loki only nodded, a playful smile teasing his lips. "Very much so."

Again, he pressed his lips to hers, this time with more urgency. His arms wrapped tightly around her waist, as his tongue teased at his lips. Giving in, Ellie opened herself up to him and he pulled her closer.

After some time he pulled away, leaving Ellie breathless. She gripped his shoulders as if letting go would mean the death of her.

Loki moved his lips to her ear and whispered, "Delicious."

It wasn't a lie, there was something entirely sweet about Ellie. While kissing her had at first, been only a means to an end, he was surprised to find he rather enjoyed it now. He found that, if he went very long without kissing her, he missed the taste of her on his lips.

Ellie's face flushed scarlet, partly because of his words, partly because at that very inopportune moment, her stomach rumbled ferociously.

"Ah," Loki said, reveling in her humiliation. "I'm keeping you from your meal."

"No!" Ellie stuttered. "It's…it's fine really."

She slipped an arm from his shoulder and clapped it over her stomach.

Loki shifted in the chair, never letting her go, and reached out to pull her plate closer.

"Shall we?" He said, his voice no louder than a whisper.

Ellie shot him an admonishing look. _Is he really not going to let me down?_

She rolled her eyes, miffed. Still, she was terribly hungry and the wafting smell or hot food was tempting her.

"I suppose…"

* * *

><p>This chapter is for all of my (I mean I'm only assuming there are more than one) Anons on Tumblr who are so sweet and encouraging and lovely. Hopefully, I'll have another chapter up by the end of the day. But now, I have to scurry off to work.<p>

Thank you for reading and I hope you will leave a review!

Much love,

BB


	17. Someday

_A look back at Loki's years in Asgard, complete with appearances from Thor and Sif. I would say that they are just about to reach the teenage years here. _

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><p><strong>48. Someday<strong>

"Brother, that was a mere trick!" Thor, the young and strapping god of thunder proclaimed. He lay prone in the grass, centered one of the many gardens that circled the great towers of Asgard's royal family.

Thor glanced up to the sky, his cheeks red with humiliation. Blinking in the light of the raging sun above, his view was obstructed a slim figure.

Loki, god of mischief and chaos, leaned over him. The younger boys hands were placed on his hips. He threw back his head in a manner most cocky and laughed and laughed.

"Come one, brother." Loki chided, not offering his elder sibling a helping hand. "You did not ban the use of magic."

Thor grunted, lifting himself out of the grass, brushing dirt from his golden hair. "I did so."

Loki, one eyebrow raised, shook his head. "I am certain you did no such thing."

Thor, recalling the last several minutes, realized far too late that he had in fact done no such thing. Cursing himself quietly, he searched the grass for his makeshift shield.

"Very well," Thor said, once retrieving it. "We shall go again, and this time, no magic."

Loki raised his hands with mocking innocence. "Then my victory will be doubly sweet."

Thor laughed, always amused by his brother's overwhelming confidence in battle.

The brother's separated then, each moving to opposite ends of the grassy clearing. Gathering their wits they turned to face each other. Thor spread his ever-growing arms out wide, resembling a bear ready to strike. Loki bent low to the ground, his lanky legs holding firm below him.

Not a breath of wind dared travel through the clearing as the brother's stared each other down. Thor, always the first to attack, launched himself forward, bellowing like a beast. Loki merely stood his ground, shutting his eyes tightly, he prepared to dodge his brother's first attack.

However, his concentration was shattered when an object from behind him smacked against his unprotected head, sending him sprawling forward into the dirt.

Thor clammered to a clumsy stop, his arms still stuck high above his head. He stared down at his brother wondering what sort of new fangled tactical move this was. It wasn't until he saw an apple, roll innocently past his brother's head that Thor suspected foul play.

Loki, growling, pushed himself up and out of the ground then turned to face his mystery attacker.

_Damn Wench. _

It was _her _again. The young Lady Sif.

He knew it even before he could see her face. Long, full locks of dandelion gold hair spilled over her shoulders as she laughed at Loki's plight. In her hand she held a makeshift weapon.

Thor peered over his younger brother's shoulder, trying to hide his own amusement.

The brothers knew why she had come, why she had intruded on their sparring match.

"Sif, Sif, Sif." The young thunder god admonished, shaking his head. "The answer is no."

Sif's musical laughter ceased, her mouth falling agape. She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Again you deny me?" She cried haughtily.

Thor laughed aloud walking to meet his brother. He clapped his arm over Loki's shoulder. The younger, decidedly slighter, brother nearly toppled over in surprise of the force. But he held his ground, as he always did, and reveled in the feeling of his brother's closeness.

"Oh my lady Sif," Thor explained pleasantly. "The battlefield is not place for you. It is the home to the warriors, the protectors of Asgard. Like myself. Like Loki."

Loki's ears rang with his brothers words. He grinned, raising his chin with pride. "Agreed."

Sif pouted, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "I am a warrior."

Loki and Thor glanced at each other and then broke into jovial giggles. The very thought of Sif charging into battle would be one that would entertain them for weeks to come.

Sif stomped her foot into the grass and soil below. She moved to walk away when a thought occurred to her. Without thinking of the repercussions, without thinking at all, she shouted:

"I could best you in any battle, Thor Odinson!"

The boys laughter ceased almost immediately.

Loki felt his heart plummet as Thor all but pushed him to the side.

"Brother," Loki called. "It is only a jest. She certainly does not mean-"

"Quiet your tongue, Loki!" Sif snapped bravely. "I never jest."

Nostrils flared and anger peaked, Loki glared daggers into the annoying little girl. "How dare you take such a tone with a-"

Loki stopped as Thor's hand came down hard on his shoulder. "Let me take the girl, Loki."

Loki made to protest, but he was stilled by Thor's demanding gaze.

"If the lady wants to battle," Thor said, stepping forward. "I will not deny her the pleasure of losing to a Prince of Asgard."

Sif tried to project a snort of derision, but she was far too excited that her offer had been accepted.

"Are you ready to lose?" she said, taking a surprisingly impressive fighting stance. Her sword, obviously crafted of wood and rusty tools, was far too long for her and she tried to play off the weight of it.

Thor, stared her down, a sparkling laugh caught in his eye.

The two began to circle each other, smiles playing on their lips.

Loki, pushed out yet again, stepped away, cursing the foolish girl with every fiber of his being.

_That damned girl. Thinking herself a warrior. She should be punished for her disrespect. But it's obvious, obvious that Thor likes her. _

Slipping into the shadows of a great tree, Loki hid his presence from his brother. It was easy enough, Thor was far to fizated with the precocious Lady Sif. He slunk behind the tree, his hand resting against the scratchy bark, peering out from behind it.

_I suppose I will have to be the one. _

Lately, Loki had been spending his nights confined to the deepest stacks in the hall of records. He had wandered in there on a whim weeks past. Thor had been off with their father on another mindless hunting excursion.

In the stacks, by light of a dimming candle, Loki had discovered writings of ancient magic. Dark and devious, he drank in the words and spells like wine. There were several new tricks he had been aching to try and now he had found the perfect prey.

There was no doubt that Thor would claim victory in this fight.

_No harm in interrupting…_Loki thought, his pulse thrumming with anticipation.

"My young lord. What are you planning to do?" A soft voice called from behind him.

Loki turned, knowing full well who addressed him.

"Mother." Loki said, straightening his posture and bowing in the All-Mother's presence. He lowered his hand, which had been waiting to strike, and placed it behind his back.

Frigga smiled down at her youngest son knowingly. She was well aware of his new found interests, having followed him into the library one night to see what it was that had him so enchanted. Although she could never admit to it, she found his pranks delightful at times. He was a clever young lad, calculating and creative. She wanted nothing more than to encourage his magic, but she couldn't have him wreaking too much havoc in her court.

Sitting down on a large stone near the tree, Frigga patted the spot next her; summoning her son to her side.

Loki looked back over his shoulder. Thor and Sif were oblivious to the Queen's presence. There were now wrestling on the ground, Thor laughing louder than ever. Loki's nose scrunched up in disapproval.

_How can Thor…lower himself to parade about with that…imposter?_

"Loki." Frigga called, drawing her sons attention away from the playful scuffle. Loki's thin lips pursed and he dragged himself over to his mother's side. Momentarily forgetting himself, he plopped down next to her, grumbling like a troll.

"What troubles you?" Frigga asked calmly.

Loki looked away from his mother, not intent of discussing the matter. He muttered something most foul under his breath, only half-hoping she wouldn't hear him.

"What did you say?" Frigga called. Loki cringed.

"Nothing troubles me, mother." Loki spat, growing impatient. It had been his day to train and spar with his brother. Sif had no right to weasel her way into their circle.

_And Thor just allows her to tag along. Almost as if he enjoys it. _

"The Lady Sif is quite a stubborn young maiden, is she not?" Frigga offered knowingly.

Loki refused to respond, but he did turn his attention back to his mother. Looking up at her with dark green eyes, he pouted, as if willing her to go on.

Frigga only smiled. "She will make a fine warrior one day."

Loki's face fell and he raged up to his feet. "Mother! How can you say something so foolish! She is no warrior. Why, I-"

"Loki Odinson." Frigga spoke over her son. "It is not wise to underestimate strong hearted souls such as Lady Sif."

Loki opened and closed his mouth like a fish on land. "But-It's not, she can't just…Thor and I were-"

Frigga's graceful smile faltered only a bit. "Loki, you do not believe that Thor has pushed you aside in favor of Thor's company?"

Loki tried his very hardest to feign surprise, but he knew there was little his mother did not see. Shoulders sagging, Loki returned to his spot next to her, resting his chin in his hands.

"Oh, Loki," Frigge admonished. "You brother fancies Sif, and I believe she fancies him. Your brother's love for you does not falter because of his feelings for Sif."

Loki snorted rudely. "Thor doesn't care for me."

"Loki," Frigga chastised, running her fingers through the boy's raven locks. "I love you. I love you more than-"

"Please, mother." Loki snapped, gently pushing his mother's caring hand away. "It is not _love_ I seek."

Frigga knew better than to take insult to her son's hasty comments. She pulled her hand away and looked upon her son with pity. The poor boy had not the friends that Thor did, nor did he seem to want for them. He only ever craved Thor's approval and company.

Loki, having forgotten his mother's presence, watched his brother tussle with the young lady Sif. Something akin to jealousy was growing in the young god's heart.

_It is not Sif I want. _Loki thought, pouting from the bevy of feelings attacking his insides. _But…Why does she want Thor and not I?_

Frigga stood and then knelt down before her son. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she pressed him to her and whispered a secret into his ear.

She stood than and walked away. Loki watched her go, her words echoing in his ears.

Scoffing, he jumped off of the stone. He had business of the mischievous sort to attend to. But he couldn't shake the words his mother had left to him. They buried into his heart, tucked away like a long lost hope. One he would cling to in times of his greatest despair.

"_Someday, my darling, you will be loved."_

* * *

><p>"Loki?"<p>

Loki's eyes drifted open. He was laying on the large bed that sat in the middle of the gaudy hotel room. Looking towards his left, he sought out the fool who dared wake him.

_Ellie._ She sat on the edge of the bed, her legs dangling off of the side. He made note that she was fully dressed. Her legs wrapped in dark jeans and rusty brown boots. She deep violet sweater over a white t-shirt.

"I didn't know gods napped."

It was an innocent tease and she smiled as she said it.

Loki smiled and lifted himself up. He touched his fingers to her hair, dragging them through the rosy locks. "What is so important that you felt the need to wake me."

"I'm bored." Ellie said, simply. She didn't pull away at his touch, or quiver at his lingering tone.

"Bored?" Loki repeated.

Ellie nodded. "Yes, Why don't we go out, tonight?"

"Out?"

"Mm-Hmm." She said, rising from the bed. "We could…go on a date."

Loki stood up, following her as she slunk closer and closer to the door. "A date?"

She smiled, pulling her hair over her shoulder. "Yes, it's what people do when they…um…"

Her voice became whispers Loki couldn't understand. She seemed flushed and skittish all of a sudden.

Loki, wanting to spare her the embarrassment, reached past her and pulled the door open.

"As you wish." He said.

* * *

><p>As they rode the elevator down to the lobby, Frigga's words haunted Loki's mind.<p>

Before they reached the final floor, Loki felt Ellie's gloved hand encircle his. Wrapping her other arm around his, she leaned her head against his shoulder.

He could feel the slight pressure as if it burned with the strength of the sun.

Looking down at her, he wondered if his mother had, after all this time, actually spoken the truth.

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><p>Thank you for reading and please review!<p> 


	18. Merry Christmas!

This chapter hinges on my most (possibly a bit OOC) silly Avenger's Head Canon: Steve Rogers is a sucker for all things Christmas. But it's cute Steve being cute and we all enjoy cute Steve, yes?

A bit of holiday fluffy fluff. Merry Christmas!

* * *

><p>There were a lot of things about this modern age that still baffled Steve. Technology, social norms, new verbiage, there were many new lessons he had to learn. Some of them he greeted with wonder and amazement. Others seemed so alien he knew it would take time for him to accept.<p>

Still, one thing stayed the same. One memory from his time that was so deeply steeped in tradition it would be several more decades for change to take it's hold.

Christmas.

So it came as an unhappy shock to Steve, when the only person he truly knew (outside of SHIELD's massive and intricate fortresses) said to him quite plainly…

"Oh, I've never celebrated Christmas."

It was about a week before the holiday in question and, as they had been out walking Steve had, in a desperate attempt at conversation asked Ellie if she had decorated a tree.

As Ellie, completely oblivious to the whole she had just shot through Steve's heart, continued to walk, Steve stopped in his tracks.

"You're Jewish?" He asked, brows furrowed. Ellie looked over her shoulder. She was looking quite pretty today. Her head was covered by a deep purple hat, she wore her favorite hounds tooth scarf which was tucked into a navy jacket. He freckled spattered cheeks were flushed from the chilly winter winds.

"No." She said.

"But you don't celebrate Christmas?" Steve asked again. Maybe, just maybe, he had misheard her.

Ellie smiled a bit, Steve's flustered state was an amusing sight. Sighing she walked back towards him and linked her arm with his, pulling him onwards.

"Well," she began. "My parents never celebrated it. They're not at a religious and they always felt that Christmas was just another consumer driven holiday where people go to parties with other people they can't stand, get a bit too drunk on fruity holiday concoctions, and exchange poorly chosen gifts in the guise of some spiritual satisfaction."

When Steve didn't say anything, Ellie blanched.

"You know…" she continued. "People pretend to believe in the spirit of the season, when really it only allows for more stress, more spending of money that could be going to more practical things, and well…"

This was a conversation Ellie had spent her life trying to avoid. Whenever potential friends heard the same little lecture her parents had doled out to her for year and years, they usually turned tail and ran away screaming.

It was true, Ellie knew, no one like a Scrooge. But she never felt particularly Scrooge-ish when December rolled around. It wasn't as if she hated Christmas. She enjoyed the sparkling lights and the excitement in the air. She always loved the winter snow, warm cups of cocoa, and peppermint flavored treats. But she never dragged a dying, shedding tree into her house. Never hung stockings or fretting over what to get her family. Never even knew who St. Nick was until she reached schooling years. Never baked cookies or attended church. She had thought about it a lot, but only as another way to rebel against her parents will and drive them to another level of insanity.

As Ellie regaled Steve with her bittersweet tale she could see the worry in his watery blue eyes.

"What are your plans for Christmas?" She asked, hoping to relieve his obvious inner turmoil.

Steve had been wondering the very same thing. It would be his first Christmas post-freezing. He had been wondering what exactly he would do. After giving it hours and hours of thought, he felt it best to visit his comrades in arms on the snowy winter's Eve. This time, he would go alone. He had some words for his mates and he had spent his last Christmas pre-freezing with the Howling Commandos, stuck in a tiny bar in the depths of France. His heart warmed at the memory. As his colleagues drank themselves silly, they boisterously sang Christmas Hymns and exchanged tales of Christmas' past.

As for the day, well, Steve had planned to spend it with the one person that mattered to him. The closest thing to a friend and family he had left. And that darling girl didn't even celebrate the season.

Muttering something to Ellie about visiting family up north, Steve turned the subject around.

He would have to find other plans.

* * *

><p>Ellie had made her own plans for the holidays. Catherine was off to visit Simon's family in England. She had, begrudgingly and with much whining, taken the entire month of December off. Simon, a career orientated man in his own right, was as against the idea as his bride to be. But Simon's family, clearly much more amiable than the Crane Family had insisted that they spend time with their almost daughter in law.<p>

So it was that Ellie had the apartment entirely to herself.

When Christmas Eve arrived, Ellie was well set in her ways.

It was almost midnight. She sat curled up on the couch, surrounded by blankets and pillows, watching the fourth in a set of five Katherine Hepburn Classics.

It was then, right before Cary Grant was to lay a passion laden kiss on the lips of Ellie's favorite leading lady that a knock rumbled on her door.

Pausing her movie, Ellie stared in the direction of her door.

_Odd. And…possibly creepy. _Ellie thought.

It was late. On Christmas Eve no doubt. Unless Catherine had sworn off the entire marriage thing and flown back to New York…

The rumbling knock sounded again, causing Ellie to jump a bit. _Nope, Catherine couldn't knock that loudly with all the force in her frail little body…_

Jumping up, still wrapped in a blanket, she shuffled into the hall and to the door. She stood in front of the door for a second, wondering if she should even attempt to open it.

Curiosity getting the best of her, she lifted herself onto her toes and peered into the peep hole.

Gasping at the distorted sight that lay before her she fiddled with the lock and pulled the door open.

"Steve!" She yelped, unable to hide her smile.

There stood Steve Rogers, a fuzzy Santa hat on his head, a small (somewhat wilting) Christmas tree under his arm, and a red and green (entirely festive) sweater draped over his large frame.

He seemed a bit bashful when he grinned and announced.

"Merry Christmas!"

Before she could protest, Steve plucked the hat from his own head and dropped it onto hers. Ducking past her and into the apartment he rushed down the hall before she could shove him out.

Ellie stood by the door, still clutching the handle, mouth ajar. Looking behind her she let the heavy door fall shut with a click. Raising her hand to her head, she felt the cheap white fuzz under her fingers.

_Am…I…am I dreaming? _

Shuffling back into the living room she found Steve trying to stand the little tree up. He turned to look at her as she came closer and bright smile on his face.

Ellie waved to the tree, absolutely flabbergasted. "Where did you…?"

"Oh, just down the street. It was the last one they had. Bit of runt, I know." He managed to keep the baby tree standing and he straightened up admiring it like a proud father. "I kinda like it."

Ellie laughed in spite of the ridiculousness.

"What're you doing here?" She asked.

Steve didn't answer. Instead he plopped down onto the couch, in her spot, and lifted his snow covered feet onto the glass coffee table. Ellie crossed her arms over her chest in mock irritation, but she couldn't hide the grin on her face.

Steve, seemingly alight with holiday fancy, patted the spot next to him. Shaking her head, Ellie stepped over his long legs and fell down next to him. Steve wrapped his arm around her shoulder and Ellie rested her head against his.

"I thought you deserved a proper Christmas Eve." Steve said, more confident than he had felt in a long time. For once, he wasn't the novice with no experience. For once, he had a lesson or two to teach.

Ellie grinned. "Oh?"

Sliding a small book from the depths of his jacket pocket, Steve nodded. Ellie peered down at the book and began to laugh aloud.

"Twas The Night Before Christmas," Steve read aloud, only pushing Ellie further off the edge.

"Steve!" Ellie admonished. "That's a children's book."

Steve shook his head. "It's a Christmas book. One I'm assuming you've never read?"

Ellie nodded.

"Well, let me do the honors of reading it to you."

"Really?" Ellie said. She had never been read to. Not as a child, not ever. It was something she had always dreamed of. Something she wished she could have experienced.

Smiling, Ellie planted a small kiss on Steve's still chilly cheek.

"Wait just a moment." She said. She pulled one on the blanket's nearer and flung it over Steve's broad shoulders. Then, slipping her legs up and over his outstretched legs, she snuggled closer to him and then dragged the final blanket over their laps.

Sighing contently she looked up at him and nodded her head.

Steve smiled…

"Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring. Not even a mouse."

* * *

><p>I know, I know buckets of fluff.<p>

Thanks for reading and let me know what you thought!

BB


	19. Always, She Waits

A/N: I've created a poll. I'm very interested hearing my reader's opinions. As May slips ever closer and The Avengers lingers on the horizon, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my sequel. Which leads me to my question. Who do you want Ellie to end up with? Stop by my profile and Let me know!

Also, I am always accepting ideas for chapters here. Is there anything you would like to see? One shots specific to Loki as a character, or Steve even? It doesn't have to include Ellie. I am trying to reach 100 chapters by May so if there is a ficlet you would like to see, please message me and let me know!

(Inspired by the song Always by Peter Bradley Adams.)

**22. Always, She Waits**

It was a strange thing, faith. In all her years, Ellie never had much of it. She had little faith in her parents. Little faith in her sister. She didn't believe in any sort of higher power. She certainly didn't have faith in her own abilities.

Faith was for the fools. That was what she had been taught. One of the only things she believed to be true. To devote oneself to the invisible or the seemingly impossible was a waste of time and talent. The world was a cruel, harsh reality, not a fantasy land.

_And what a fool I am. _

It was Saturday night. One of those hellish, lonely Saturday nights. With Catherine away for the weekend visiting Simon's family in England and Steve nowhere to be found, Ellie had broken the rules and snuck up the fire escape to the roof of the building.

She didn't miss much about the West, but she did long for the starry skies. There were no stars in the city, only manufactured neon lights.

_At least I had the stars back there. _She thought, not equipped to fight off the melancholy that was rising over her like a sheet. _There's nothing here to deter the loneliness. Too many people. Too much noise. And none of it…_

She sighed, trying to expel the feelings crowding her soul. But the sigh did nothing to free her from self-pity.

_You're a fool, Ellie. A goddamn fool. _

I someone were to ask her why she felt so vehemently about herself. She could have produced a list, all of it detailed and all of it true. However, she wouldn't need to explain each little bullet point. The first one would be enough to convince any skeptic.

One year. One year had come and gone since he had left her in the park. One year since he had told her she was everything, since he had promised to return. She hadn't believed him then and she didn't believe him now.

But she still waited.

She held onto his scarf, still thinking that someday she would be able to return it to him. She chased after black cats, hoping that maybe this time she would find more than just green eyes and swishing tails. She still believed that maybe he would return.

That was faith. Believing in the impossible. Believing in something when everything else contradicts it. Her mind knew better, her heart was a fool.

Staring up into the orange haze of a night sky, Ellie wrapped her arms around herself.

_I'll never stop waiting. _She thought forlornly. _Will I?_

Slipping the scarf from around her neck she held it in her hands, staring at it.

"Loki…"

A breeze was picking up. She could let it go right then, open her hands and let the wind carry the scarf into the night. But instead, she clung to it, scared to let it go.

_I promised. _

A frustrated sound escaped her lips and she she wrapped the scarf arounf her neck again with fervent vigor.

_He's forgotten all about me. _She thought, then repeated it aloud. _He's gone, Ellie. _

_He's gone. _

"Why can't you just let him go?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Millions of miles away a storm was brewing. <strong>_

_**Whispers clouded the nine realms. **_

_**Names were spoken in harsh tones. Some with doubt. Some with fear. Some with excitement. **_

_**A fallen god. A violent race. **_

_**Retribution. **_

_**Green eyes and a glassy gaze. **_

"_**Soon, beloved. I will return soon."**_

* * *

><p>Not very long or deep. Just some reflections.<p>

Thank you for reading!

BB


	20. Dreaming of You

I'll admit it. This is nothing but a shameless tease. You have been warned.

* * *

><p><strong>87. Dreaming of You<strong>

There were days when Ellie's loneliness overtook her.

Steve had, as he always did, disappeared once again. Catherine was off on yet another business trip. She was alone in the apartment. After three glasses of wine and a particularly hard hitting episode of -, she hustled off into her room.

During times like these, when she felt entirely, absolutely alone she would lay back in her bed, close her eyes, and let her most beloved attribute do it's very worst.

* * *

><p>"I've been waiting for you."<p>

His voice came to her first. Sly and soft just as she chose to remember it. Her eyes fluttered open taking in the scenery around her. She could hear a faint music floating about the deserted hallway. It sounded instrumental, no automatic tunes or computerized crap. She could also hear the jumbled tittering of a small crowd, several words floated into her ears, but nothing she could string into a comprehensive sentence. Nothing was clear in the chatter, but she knew the sound well enough.

She was able to gather that she was at a party of some sorts or some social event. Well, at least, that's where she had been. It seemed that she had slunk away from the celebration and into a shadowy hallway. And there, traipsing down the sleek marble floor was Loki.

He seemed taller than she remembered. But maybe it was the slim fitting charcoal suit he wore. His hair seemed longer too. It was slicked back and blacker than the ink in Ellie's favorite pen. He was dangerously beautiful. A towering, slippery stranger.

She grinned, pressing her back into the wall behind her. She could feel the cool surface on the bare skin of her shoulder. Surprised, she looked down and realized that she was wearing a dress. It was the sort of dress Ellie would drool over, but she would never dream of buying or even wearing; something that seemed far too glamorous for her.

The dress was green, the color of fresh evergreen, it's fabric shiny and light like air against her skin. It fell to the floor. The garment was entirely backless, the front that covered her chest entirely was held up by a thin gold bangle that was hung around her neck.

Loki stalked down the hallway, the heels of his sleek black shoes pounding in the empty hallway, coming to a stop in front of her. His hands were stuffed into the pockets of his suit and languid look dancing in his eyes.

Ellie felt odd. Usually, in a situation like this, she would be a bundle of nerves and butterflies. But not now. She felt completely confident in her skin. Even…sexy.

"Look at you." Loki sneered, his eyes raking over her body with delightful slowness. His tounge as he would spring upon her. She almost melted into a puddle right then and there.

"What are you doing here?" Wherever here was, Ellie had reason to believe Loki was breaking some sort of rule appearing. She was breaking the rules, sneaking away from whatever event was taking place several feet away. She glanced to her right, to the direction of the noise and clutter.

She felt his long fingers grip her chin and turn it back towards him. His lips brushed against her ear and he whispered,

"I've come to steal you away, of course."

Her breath hitched in her throat and her eyes fluttered shut. A best buried deep within her heart stirred and shuttered. She would have him right then and there. And he knew it.

His lips descended onto her neck, aimed directly at the spot above the crook of her neck. It was the spot she had always dreamed her lover would find. Loki had been the first.

As his lips brushed against the tender flesh, something inside her snapped, letting the flood gates fly open. Loki sneered into her skin, obviously aware of his overpowering influence. His hands gripped her shoulder and pulled her forward.

Suddenly the hallway and the music and the chattering fell away. They were standing in a large room, but Ellie had no eyes for its intricate, luxurious detailing. The scene had changed, as had her love.

The immaculate suit jacket was gone, as was the emerald green tie. The pale white button-up was undone, offering a small glimpse of Loki's alabaster skin hidden underneath. Ellie but down on her lip, the idea of ripping the shirt off of him tearing away at her mind.

"Well?" He drawled, sounding relaxed and almost lazy.

"Well…" Ellie repeated. Knowing her voice would never sound as cool or unaffected.

With a languid wave of his hand, Ellie realized he was referring her dress.

Her heart hammering away like a hummingbird in her chest, Ellie drew her hands to her neck. The fingers played with the clasp of the golden bangle, the only thing keeping the fabric of her dress from succumbing to the whims of gravity. After a moment of exploration she felt a small click ringing in her ears. She slipped the bangle from her neck but clutched the fabric to her chest. Then, she let it drop to the floor. Gasping with something akin to modesty Ellie raised her head to meet his gaze. But Loki was no longer lounging on the bed.

She felt him behind her. She heard his lustful groan by her ear. His hands touched her shoulders. His fingers slipped down her arms, his nails dragging over her skin. They stopped their downward slope, resting for a moments on her waist. His lanky arms snaked around her then, pulling her closer to him.

He chuckled low in his throat. "The things I have planned for you."

Ellie's head reeled backwards, resting against his shoulder. Her mind was a swirl of sensation she felt as if she were falling-

* * *

><p>With a crash and a sudden pain, Ellie was dropped back into reality with terrible haste.<p>

Blinking in the dark she realized that she had fallen out of her bed. Pushing herself into a sitting position, she cursed herself.

Her heart was still pounding in her head, her thoughts her stuffy and slow.

Pulling herself back under her sheets, she shut her eyes.

If she was swift, maybe she could make it back to dreamland and continue right where she had left off.

* * *

><p>I did say shameless tease, didn't I?<p>

Thank you for reading! ;o)


	21. Ghosts

While I wrote this chapter I had one song on repeat. Sometimes, a song births a moment all on its own.

You have **"Master & A Hound" by Gregory Alan Isakov** to thank for this chapter.

* * *

><p><strong>5. Ghosts<strong>

The doctors told him that there was a name for it. His condition.

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.

"You are not alone, Captain." A pretty, no-nonsense nurse had said to him. "Many soldiers, if not all of them, with same anxiety that plagues you."

It was more than anxiety though. Anxiety was something that Steve Rogers knew well. It fueled the battlefield and rattled his bones. He had accepted, long ago, that he was to protect his country, he would learn to live with the horrors of war. There was great evil in the world. Instead of bowing to it, he vowed to defeat it, no matter the cost.

What hammered at his heavily enforced exterior were the dreams: terrors and ghosts that bred in his nightmares and haunted him during the day.

In the depths of his heart hid the screaming, the keening of machinery, the smell of death, the rattle of bullets, and the color of blood.

When sleep threatened to pull him back into the madness of war, he fought it. He spent his nights locked underground in one of SHEILD's strong houses. He dedicated himself to his body, the gift he had been given. The tool he used to earn his glory.

He tried to drown out the memories with new sounds. The sound of his breath, the sound of his fists ramming into the bag. Anything to push away the demons.

He would not be defeated by a war that ended decades ago.

The doctor's tried to force medicine onto him. A cure that would ebb the pain. He refused them. They wouldn't have worked anyway. His body was far too advanced to be swayed by even the most modern medicines.

"In the meantime," The nurses and doctors told him. "You must always act with caution. Soldiers who suffer from the condition have been prone to violence, thoughts of suicide, self-destructive behavior. Please, Captain Rogers, come to us when you believe you are having an episode. We can help."

Steve would nod in affirmation, but it was an empty gesture. They couldn't help him. No one could.

He was alone. With only the memories of war to comfort him.

* * *

><p>It had happened again. A memory overtook him. He could never remember what triggered it, he could only remember. There was snow. Pure white snow. It swirled violently around him, the icy flakes stinging his skin and muffling his senses. Razor sharp winds were attacking him. And there was Bucky. His friend, his comrade, and brother.<p>

Falling.

The sound of his scream, desperate and fearful pounded in Steve's head. Steve could do nothing as the friend he loved disappeared into the grey. His body would lay there, in the cold valley, broken.

The thought of it chilled Steve to his very core. Why did he have to die that way. A bullet would have been kinder. His fear would not have been so prolonger. His death would not have been so eminent. He would have died fighting and protecting. Not falling. Powerless.

Steve had been powerless. His heart raced to follow his friend down. Try to save him. But he couldn't. he could only watch as the train pulled him farther away.

As quickly as he had slipped into the past, he was dropped out of it. In a whirl of color and light he realized he wasn't on the train. The chill of winter was gone, replaced by a stuffy heat. Reality had managed to come crawling back.

Steve blinked, trying to regain his consciousness. He had almost forgotten where he was. Looking directly forward, he was met with his own reflection in a muddy bar mirror. A line of colorful bottles lines the glass. He could see that, behind him, the bar was flooded with people. Their voices came late. They were warm and jovial. People were laughing and singing.

It was the Red Cycle. A small and intimate little bar. Their favorite.

He suddenly remembered why he was here. He wasn't alone.

He looked to his left and there sat Ellie. She didn't seem to notice him. She was busy scribbling something onto a scratchy napkin. He watched her.

She looked very pretty that night. Her hair was thicker, thanks to the humidity that came with the city rain. Red locks spilled over her shoulders. Her grey eyes were drilled into the napkin; she was completely focused. Her lips were pursed and shaped into a determined frown.

After a moment her eyes darted to him and back to the napkin. She stopped then, like a child who had been caught sneaking treats. She dropped the stubby pencil and looked at him sheepishly, a light blush dusting her freckled cheeks.

Ellie spun slightly on the bar stool to face him, clearing her throat.

"You're back." She said, smiling sadly.

Steve wanted to apologize, but lately Elli had been chastising him for being too apologetic.

"_I'm a big girl, Steve." She had said. "Stop apologizing for doing nothing wrong."_

He swallowed his gentlemanly urges and nodded. "You were writing about me?"

Steve was by no means one to pry into Ellie's business. He craved her company and her smile and the calm she exuded. He didn't care to know about her work or her tedious family life. She presence was enough. Still he did wonder. Every so often she would stop to scribble in a notebook, she would ask waiters for extra napkins, or slip into a store for a pencil.

Ellie flushed, embarrassed that she had been caught. She reached out for her drink and downed the rest of the liquid in one long shot. She ran her fingers through her hair nervously.

"Yeah," She said, spurred to honesty by the always reliable liquid courage.

Steve's mouth itched to grin, but he was still weighted down with aching sadness. He was still in mourning for the lives he loved and never knew he lost.

Ellie could see his shoulders sagging. She placed a hand on his.

"Are you alright, Steve?" She said, quietly.

As Steve contemplated the question, Ellie glanced around the bar. Smoke and heat radiated inside. It was much more crowded than usual. People were packed inside to escape the spring rain.

"Do you want to get out of here?" She offered.

Steve had been giving her great cause to worry as of late. He had always been rather melancholy, but it had gotten much worse. His eyes were heavy weights on his face, dragging down his handsome features and causing Ellie's heart to ache with empathy. They were deep and frightfully dark, like the sea caught up in the rage of a hellish storm. It looked as though he wasn't getting enough sleep. He was never irritable though, just terribly sad.

He stood up then, confirming Ellie's suspicions. She hopped off her own chair, pocketing her phone and wallet and followed him out of the bar.

* * *

><p>The rain had ceased its torrential downpour. The pair of lonely hearts entered the park.<p>

In the wake of the storm, the park was silent. Stone paths were slick with water and puddles. Trees, still stripped of their leaves, stood tall and refreshed.

There was something they both found comforting about the foliage. Branches hung low like guardian angels, watching but never meddling. You could never feel isolated in the park. Living, breathing organisms surrounded them. If they were quiet enough, they could imagine the trees whispers to them. Reassuring them.

Steve was having trouble shaking the memory away. Images came like flashes of lightening, followed by the thundering cries of Bucky's last sounds. He tried to fight it. But he was losing.

When it became too much, he collapsed onto a bench. His head falling into his hands, he tried to block out the screams and roar of the train as if hurried down the tracks.

Ellie stood by his side, alarmed but not fearful. He attentions had been drawn away.

She knew where they were. It was a section of the park that she had successfully avoided for quite some time. Now, here she stood, mere meters away from the very spot where Loki had left her. She looked at the trees, she could see herself standing alone. His words rang in her ear._ I will return to you._

She was distracted by a sound. Steve. It sounded almost like a sob. Ellie tore her eyes away from the spot. She rubbed her hand over Steve's back, hoping to offer him some comfort.

Steve was coming to understand that his "condition" was much like the ebb and flow of the tides. When the water rushed in, there was nothing he could do but drown. Bucky's death replayed in his memory like a broken record.

"Steve," Ellie whispered.

Her voice shot through the screams, quiet and sweet. Steve leaned into her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer. He slid over a bit so she could sit by his side. Hunched over, he let his head fall onto her chest.

Ellie held him tightly, running her fingers through his hair. She rested her chin on his head, shutting her eyes tightly.

She didn't know what could cause such a gentle man such pain. She could bear to know what it was.

Steve listened to the steady drum of her heartbeat. Slowly it overtook the screams. His eyes drifted shut and he felt the fear that smothered his soul begin to loosen its grip.

* * *

><p><em>Under city lights, protected by the shadows of silent trees,<em>

_Two lonely souls clung to one another,_

_Because it is as they say,_

_That misery loves its company._

* * *

><p>As always, I thank you dearly for reading.<p>

I would love to hear what you thought of this chapter.

BB


	22. Destined

An exploration of Loki's love life, both past and future. Also a look at what motivates him.

**40. Destined. **

Like any young prince, Loki and his brother Thor had been promised that they were destined to do great things. Loki and Thor often talked the night away imaging what their futures held. But while both brothers had been given lofty ambitions, their dreams of power were as different as the sun and moon.

Never in his dreams did he bother to imagine a partner ruling at his side. No, in the days if his youth, he imagined his reign to be a solitary one. He did not yearn for the opinions or advice of others. He did not wish to be burdened with trivial filial matters. He would not be imprisoned in the same way his father was. He would not bow to tradition or the old ways. When the thrown fell to him, a great change would come to Asgard.

However, he and his brother felt obligated to appeal to their mother's constant nattering.

"It is important," Frigga would tell her strapping young boys, "To believe in your future. One of you will be king. And you must have a wife by your side It is our ways." You may believe yourselves to be the mightiest warriors in the nine realms. And you are. But you will need someone in your life. To guide you and support you and encourage you. Do you think your father could rule over this land without me? Someday you will find a lady that will love you unconditionally."

Both boys had rolled their eyes at the very idea. Girls were of no interest to them in those youthful days. They were content to wander, sparring with one another and any creature foolhardy enough to challenge them. In those days the brothers had been a single entity: complimenting and completing each other. There was no room for females or anyone else. Those had been simpler times.

It wasn't long before Thor's eyes began to stray away from brotherhood to a more simulating fair. Loki was, at first, disgusted by his elder brothers apparent lack of will power. What could possibly be so alluring about the fairer sex? After much cajoling from Thor, Loki relinquished out of raw curiosity.

First came the trysts with the servant girls. He would lure them into shadowy, empty hallways and whisper sweet lies to them, teasing their darkest desires. It was quite fun. Those girls were mere playthings, many were their numbers and they were entirely disposable.

Each of them, after all, was sworn in by duty to serve him. He was only making they're a little more entertaining. The girls would feign snow white purity, giggled and flush at his roughish charms, but he knew that they were no more innocent then he was.

No, he did not encounter true identity of demure until he was introduced to the Lady Sigyn.

With her alabaster skin, golden waves of hair, and angelic features, Sigyn was truly a delicate flower protected by hand-blown glass. Cared for and loved deeply by parents of the highest Asgardian nobility, she had been groomed to become the wife of true worth. She was a picture of pristine fidelity, ever loyal and endlessly kind. A delicate treasure. And she had been his for the taking. With no knowledgeable effort on his part, Loki had attracted her affections. She would laugh at his trickery, bat her lashes, and her quiet smile was reserved only for him. The people of Asgard often whispered about the match. Some believe that Sigyn would "save" Loki. Others grumbled that the Lady was more suited for Thor.

Loki considered her value and a lover, as a wife and a mother. However, those thoughts were fleeting. He had no need of a partner. And if he did, it could not be Sigyn. He found her beauty incomparable, there was never (and would never) be a woman of greater faithfulness and beauty, but with endless beauty, Loki found, came endless boredom. Sigyn was dull in his eyes.

She doted on him far too often, cared too realty for his activities, followed him around like a shadow. As a young man he was better left to his magic, harboring new powers until it was his time to rule on high. Alone and =uncontestable.

* * *

><p>That had been his great plan. But much had come to pass since the days of his youth. He no longer longed for his home, Asgard. He had nothing to prove to those vile, ethereal beings. Leave them to their traditions and their extravagances. He had need of them no longer.<p>

There were other worlds waiting. Midgard. A world undone by war and the fools who thought themselves worthy of reign. Their time had come and gone.

As far as he knew, Midgard was his to collect.

He would rule those low, detestable creatures, the best among them at his side. This time there was a place for a partner. But it could only be her.

Only Ellie.

It wasn't a vision that had come easily to him. She was a mortal after all. Hopelessly weak, defenseless against the droves of alien races and species they were completely ignorant of. But for all her faults, she was unlike any woman he had ever known.

When he looked at her he saw the qualities he deemed necessary for his queen. But they were buried deep inside of her. She had yet to reach her full potential.

Loki knew simply from observation and guesswork that she came from a family with some certain pedigree. There was a distant grace about her, something she seemed determined to keep it hidden. As if her less than humble beginnings were shameful in some way.

She couldn't see that her stature was an advantage. She had been blessed with privilege not cursed by it.

He loved her maddening stubbornness. When threatened or insulted, Ellie was a gale force to be reckoned with. Yet she was of an open mind and caring countenance. She had the glowing potential to be his queen. Loki was confident he could coax it out of her. He would make her realize that she could be so much more. She could be as he was, worthy of worship.

Ellie's qualifications (or lack thereof) aside, he wanted it.

His great vision of power and prestige would not be complete without her by his side. For she was a woman after his own heart; the only person on which he could bestow his black heart.

She, like him, was a pariah in her own family. If mortals acted in the same way as the Asgardians, she could have been cast out as he had been. Looked down upon for her differences and implored to change.

And in the face of crippling loneliness and rejection, they had managed to find each other.

* * *

><p>They were lost souls meant to be one. In their lifetime, they had been rejected and made to feel inferior. They had been told the<p>

Over and over again their answer had been one devastating word:

No.

Loki would accept "no" no longer. With time and patience and plotting, Loki's time was on the horizon.

So it would come to be that he would take Midgard as his own. With Ellie at his side, together they would rule on high.

He knew know that this was meant to be. It was, he could see now, destined.

* * *

><p>AN: This was more of a practice for me. I'm trying to work through what happens with Loki while he scours the nine realms. He gains confidence, I believe, which only makes him all the more villainous. He truly believes that his time has come. Please leave reviews! (I love them dearly, you see)

Thank you for reading!


	23. Hallelujah

When I started Shiver, my plans were not at all ambitious. In my head I saw a simple, quietly intimate story: At least for a short while, two restless souls found peace and comfort in one another My original plan was to showcase a tragic love, one made more tragic by Loki's leaving, never to return. At least for a moment, two restless souls found peace and comfort in one another. Of course, things rarely work out as you plan and this would be a prime example. I started to really love my original character and love Loki more and more and then I realized the epic scale of The Avengers and my entire story changed.

Still, I trashed some small moments and I wanted to write them out. These are little blips of scenes that I have returned to. Inspired by the Leonard Cohen song Hallelujah (his beautiful lyrics in bold font).

**37. Hallelujah**

_**Baby I have been here before  
>I know this room, I've walked this floor<br>I used to live alone before I knew you.**_

It was strange having another figure pacing around her small little apartment. She found living alone quite to her liking and before now, the idea of someone else occupying her space seemed like a violation.

He fit quite nicely though, even with his towering height. She would miss his presence if he left, even if only for a moment. She would sit on her bed and just watch him, content to gaze at him. He was as mysterious as a spirit.

His looks were familiar but alien all the same.

And for the first time in her life, she didn't feel alone.

_**Maybe there's a God above  
>But all I've ever learned from love<br>Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you**_

Neither god nor girl would relent. This small room was a battlefield, lined with trenches and painted with secret trappings. But with each passing day, with each new discovery, their defenses were weakening.

She was wounded by his fervent stares and lilting voice. He was paralyzed by her little imperfections and merciful warmth.

But would either bend to the will of their hearts? Never, so it seemed.

Two souls yearning for love and yet they knew it not. They had found it, though they could not recognize it. Instead they clung to it, to each other, hoping the other wouldn't notice their quiet desperation, and undying need for attention. They were both the most selfish of creatures. But they were also strangers to true and meaningful affection and therefore fearful of the damage they could cause. To both each other and themselves.

So they would continue on fighting and refusing to give in.

_**I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
>Love is not a victory march<br>It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah**_

They thought they knew. They thought they had seen love firsthand. And they knew as nothing more than a weapon. Something devoid of glory and desire.

Love broke the strong and made the weak even weaker.

It was Hate that brought countries to their knees, he thought.

It was Apathy that brought one success and satisfaction, she thought.

Love was a poorly constructed crutch for the masses. To rely on such a handicap would be a fatal strategy to uphold.

You do not win wars with mercy, said he.

You cannot acquire pride with humbleness, said she.

And yet they found themselves merciful. They found themselves humbled.

_**There was a time when you let me know  
>What's really going on below<br>But now you never show it to me, do you?**_

Love was indeed a formidable weapon. For it was lack of love that pierced through the heart most deep.

When she pulled away from him and kept sorrowful secrets, he felt as though he had been bathed in the fires of Hel. He knew not how to comfort her and was left holding her tightly, hoping her pain would disappear.

When he turned cold and distant, she felt lost and powerless. What could she do to bring him back? What thought plagued his days and left him emotionless and numb?

_**And remember when I moved in you  
>The holy dove was moving too<br>And every breath we drew was Hallelujah**_

But when they laid their weapons aside and forgot the battle, what was left of glorious.

The smoothness of his skin, the lightness of his touch, the music in his whisper, the intensity of his gaze.

The smell of her skin, the curve of her waist, the light in her eyes, the sound of her breath.

_**It's not a cry you can hear at night  
>It's not somebody who has seen the light<br>It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah**_

When he managed sleep, which wasn't often, he would succumb to dreams. Dreams of his past. The ache in his heart would fluctuate. He longed for his family and yet despised them so.

When his guard was laid down, the demons of his heart would crawl into the light. Teasing him and taunting him, presenting to him his great failures, forcing him to witness his most deplorable acts.

And how could she love him then? If she knew everything he had always been, she would surely run from him. Hate him. Despise him.

He was worthy of such feelings, if only they came from her. Only she could shame him. Only she could save him.

He flung himself from the bed, leaving her sleeping and resting. He flew to the window and pulled back the thin curtain.

The night was clear, made bright by a large harvest moon. He could see the stirrings of nights creatures, too delicate for Midgardians to understand. All seemed peaceful on this night.

But he was nothing but peaceful. Fires licked at his spirit, burning through his chest and driving him mad. The night sky offered no solace to him tonight.

He had only one option left to him. He turned from the window and looked back towards the bed.

_**Your faith was strong but you needed proof  
>You saw her bathing on the roof<br>Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you**_

He had not waken her then. She was locked in sleep's grip. Her mind was too busy and buzzing during the day to bother with dreams during the night.

She was clothed only in a short, thin gown. The sleeves were mere straps that slid over her shoulder. Blankets of red hair flowed over the pillow.

He stepped towards her, transfixed by her image. She was so delicate, he could break right then and there. He had imagined it once or twice; she would die beautifully of that he was sure. But he cared too much to ever end her life. It would end soon enough.

She strips me bear. He thought gazing at her figure in the moonlight, still and quiet. Even asleep.

He knelt by the bed, his fingers touching her bare collar bone. She stirred then, dark eyes opening and blinking the light of the moon.

Can't sleep? Her voice was made deep with grogginess.

He merely nodded, having nothing to say.

She rolled to her side and motioned him closer.

_**She tied you to a kitchen chair  
>She broke your throne, and she cut your hair<br>And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah**_

As if in a trance, he rose into the bed again. He was not tired, he was a god after all. Lying on his back, he gazed up at the ceiling, the memory of his fall still stuck in his mind. He wanted to scream , destroy something of worth, kill.

He felt her near his side. She rested her head on his shoulder, the palm of her hand slid from his bare stomach to his chest right over his heart.

He could not hide his raging heart beat from her. She reached up and kissed his jaw.

The feeling of her palm so close to his heart was overwhelming. But soon he began to breathe easier, he felt his anger ebbing. He focused only on the feeling of her palm.

Soon his anger had faded to nothing. The demons ceased spouting their nasty words slunk away to their dark places.

His eyelids felt suddenly heavy.

As sleep crept upon him, he felt the steady beating of her heart against his ribcage.

The most simple of lullabies.

_**I did my best, it wasn't much  
>I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch<br>I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you**_

As the morning sun flooded the apartment, they began to wake. They had slept deeply the whole night through. He took her small hand in his, playing with her fingers. She suppressed a yawn and snuggled closer to him. Not a word passed between them.

The battle was still raging. But this moment belonged to peacetime.

* * *

><p>This chapter was an experiment, I'm really not sure if it's any good or too sappy or just plain crap. It seemed my writing will never be good enough for me. So I'm grateful I have this space to practice and very encouraging reader's.<p>

Thank you for reading.


	24. A Lesson

Someone requested a chapter featuring protective Steve. This was a joy to right, I might have had a bit too much fun. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!

**7. A Lesson **

Waiting for Steve had become so commonplace that Ellie had begun to plan for it. They were due to meet at Dargen's at exactly 8 o'clock. Ellie, as she had been programmed to do, arrived exactly on time. Of course she knew Steve was nowhere close by; it would be at least another fifteen minutes before he arrived.

But Ellie had planned for this. She purposefully arrived on time having decided that she could use the time waiting to properly sit down and review the prose she had been fiddling with all week long. After an uneventful ride in the subway, Ellie could now think clearly. It was impossible for her to do any real thinking in the subway. People were packed so tightly inside each dilapidated car which proved to be too great a distraction for a proper review. One of the small iron benches outside of Dargen's however, was a prime spot for some effective in-head prose editing.

Dargen's was by no mean a popular "it" spot. It wasn't a frequent entry in your average New York tourism book either. What it was, was Ellie and Steve's favorite place to go together. It was the place they had met after the debacle in the hip dance club they had both been coerced into entering. Both agreed that that Dargen's was more their speed. Ellie liked the paced quarters and cheap drinks. Steve liked the smoky, pub-like atmosphere. It reminded him of the pub he often frequented during wartime in England, The Rose & Crown.

When he stepped into The Rose & Crown, it was much like stepping into another world. The horror of the war could be momentarily forgotten. It was warm and somewhat bright; people were laughing and singing, telling jokes and stories. Even if Steve couldn't get drunk, he still enjoyed the happy company of the locals. Americans, French, British, soldiers from all walks of life came to The Rose & Crown. Ranks were forgotten, nationality never mattered, and it was a truly peaceful place. Right in the middle of war-torn London.

The bustle and boisterousness of Dargen's was reminiscent of that. Dargen's had the look of an English pub. The building itself was constructed of brick. Inside, the ceilings were low, held up by thick dark wood panels that matched the wood that constructed the bar itself. High and low table were packed into every corner and there wasn't a high tech television in sight. The bar was so crowded on weekends that people flooded into the street. The owner had decided to place some benches just outside just for his customers.

Ellie lowered herself onto of the benches, crossed her legs, and she waited for Steve.

She lost herself in her thoughts, thinking about the latest prose she had been fretting over while she should have been working. As she searched for a pesky word that had been successfully eluded her since Tuesday, her thoughts were interrupted.

"Hey."

Ellie's view of the sidewalk was blocked by a pair of lanky legs. She looked up and immediately regretted not stepping inside to wait for Steve.

The man in front of her was just the sort Ellie, and most of womankind, tried her best to avoid. His greasy corn-colored hair was entirely unkempt. He wore a ratty hoody under a cheaply made leather jacket and he was licking his lips crudely as he stared down at her. His hands were stuck deep into the pockets of his jeans and he was hunched over so as to get a better look at her.

She sighed curtly and looked away hoping the guy would buzz off.

"Where are you from?" He asked gruffly, taking a step closer. He reeked of smoke and Ellie fidgeted in her seat. It didn't seem as if he would read her silence as a dismissal.

"Here." She said, her voice bristly, belaying her obvious disinterest.

"Yeah? You look European." It was an odd thing to say. Everything about this man was odd, and not in a good way. Ellie just sniffed and turned her attention to her nails, she picked at them violently hoping the guy would take her thousandth hint and leave her alone.

She had no such luck. Instead he took the seat next to her, landing far too close to her, his shoulder brushing against hers. She instinctively pulled away but her side collided painfully with the arm of the bench.

His breath in her ear he said, in a voice she guessed he meant to be seductive, "Nice ass."

Ellie snorted rather unattractively.

"I'm sitting down." She snapped. "I was sitting down before you crawled out of the gutter. As far as your concerned I have no ass." It wasn't too far from the truth. Ellie and her sister weren't exactly the most curvaceous of girls. Tossing her hair over her shoulder, purposefully smacking the pervert in the face she muttered to herself.

"Idiot."

"Whatdya call me, you little-"

The man stood up to face her and Ellie was almost sure he meant to drag her on her feet. His hand swung towards her. But the sleazy man's tirade was interrupted. He yelped like a cornered weasel. Someone had grabbed him by the collar of his jacket pulling him backwards and practically off of his feet.

It was Steve. Ellie was about to say something she believed was clever and cool, but her tongue was stilled by the sight of Steve. He looked positively grim, bearing down on the unsuspecting fool with a gaze so fierce mountains would quiver in its path.

Standing next to the slight man, Steve looked positively bulging. Ellie could easily imagine Steve flinging the man into the air with very little exertion.

"Forgive me." Steve said, in a tone that was anything but forgiving. "But I believe you're bothering her."

The man scoffed, standing his ground like a tried and true fool. "And what if I am? Look at those stems, pal. She's asking to be bothered."

Ellie's jaw just about hit the floor. She wasn't asking for anything at all. Eve so she instinctively glanced down at her attire. It was a warmer New York night and she had recently purchased a pair of black shorts she had been dying to wear. They were not by any means "short" shorts and she had paired them with a black tights and silver flats. A silvery blue blouse was tucked into her jacket. Not a bit of bare skin was visible below her neck.

When she looked up, she blushed noticing that Steve was in fact looking at her legs. But he quickly turned his attention back to the man.

"I believe you owe her an apology." He said, his voice more amiable now. He had yet to release the man's collar, even though the man had been trying to squirm away.

"Fuck off." The sleaze ball said. He spat on Steve's shoe. Steve only laughed and released the man. But only for a second. Before the weasel could slither back into the shadows, Steve gripped both of his arms holding the man.

"Hey, fucker, get your hands off me."

Steve ignored him. Even though the man was struggling quite vehemently now, Steve didn't seem a bit bothered. Ellie had always assumed Steve was a strong man, but this looked like a scene out of some cartoon.

"Well, if refuse to apologize…" Steve began. He looked towards Ellie now and nodded his head towards the man in his grasp.

"You wanta show him what for?"

Ellie didn't understand. She looked between the both of them, thoroughly confused.

"Punch him." Steve explained.

Ellie nearly choked on her surprise. She held her hand to her chest, motioning to herself. "What? Me?"

"Come on." Steve said, "He deserves a good smack and you should be the one to do it."

The man was so befuddled he didn't know what to say. He had momentarily ceased his useless struggling and was opening and closing his mouth much like a fish.

Ellie shook her head from side to side. "I couldn't."

Steve shook his head. "Of course you could."

He released his grip on the man's left arm and, dragging him about like a rag doll, positioned himself in between the pervert and Ellie.

Steve offered his hand to Ellie. "All you have to do is form a fist. Now, you want to tuck your thumb under your fingers. Yes, like that, and when you swing remember to hit him with your knuckles not your fingertips."

Steve stepped back, grabbing the man again and holding him forward, as if he were presenting Ellie with a present.

Ellie stared at her fist and back at Steve. "You can't be serious."

Steve's grin never faltered. "He disrespected you, Ellie. Now I would be more than happy to lay one on him for you, but I think it's only fair you get a shot at him first."

The man began to protest. "This is fucking-let go of me you freak. You lay pretty finger on me, bitch and I'll bust up that face so-"

He was on the floor in seconds. It happened so quickly, Ellie wasn't sure she had actually done it. She realized she had in fact punched the man square in the jaw, when a throbbing pain rose in her hand.

"Ah." She seethed, cradling her hand.

Steve stepped over the man, who was moaning on the sidewalk, and gently took her hand into his. She watched as he inspected it, suddenly feeling like a small child. His hands were so large.

Steve grinned again. "Alright, a good, solid hit. You really laid him out."

Ellie blushed, realizing that he sounded almost proud of her. Adrenaline was pounding through her veins. "I've never punched someone before."

Steve smiled, affectionately ruffling her hair and slipping his arm around her shoulders.

"That's my girl." Steve said.

Ellie blinked, wondering if she had heard him right.

"What did you say?" Ellie asked, her heart hammering in her chest.

Steve, having only just realized what he had said himself, blushed. He was back to his bashful, unassuming self in an instant. A rosy blush rose in his cheeks and he pulled away from Ellie.

"Did I say something?" He stuttered, hoping she had simply misheard him.

Ellie smiled. She shook her head and took Steve's hand in hers, pulling him to the door. "Nevermind. I-I must've imagined it."

* * *

><p>I wasn't sure how to end it. So it sort of just stops. I hope you enjoyed it, if you did let me know!<p> 


	25. Steam and Lavender

**66. Steam & Lavender**

Boredom, though often underestimated, could be a real killer. Loki left her most every day. Left her alone in the hotel. And sitting by the window and observing the people bustling around below her was beginning to bore her.

One particularly boring day, Ellie slipped into the large bathroom to enjoy long, steaming bath.

The bath itself was the largest she had ever seen. It was an old fashioned number, a clawfoot tub done up in a cool ivory color. As per usual she slid the lock shut on the door, shed her clothes and sunk into the searing hot water. For a final, luxurious touch, she emptied a small, complimentary bottle of lavender scented shower gel into the flow, creating piles of fragrant bubbles.

As the water rose in the tub, the room was flooded with thick steam. Ellie's eyes slid shut and she focused on her breathing. She was so relaxed she felt as though her bones would turn to rubber and she would melt into the water.

"Evening." A cool voice called from the doorway.

Ellie almost jumped out of her skin. Glancing towards the door she saw the mischief make himself and quickly ducked deeper under the water, pushing bubbles over her exposed skin.

Loki tutted lightly, taking long strides towards her.

"What did I say about hiding from me?" Even in the almost unbearable heat, Ellie felt a shiver rake up and down her spine. She pulled her knees to her chest, looking up at him with large eyes. He smiled, appraising her.

"I assure you, darling you possess nothing that needs hiding." His voice was as lilting as a spring breeze, almost hypnotizing. "There is nothing you could do to repel me."

"You caught me off guard is all." Ellie muttered, hoping the flush rising in her cheeks would be mistaken as a side-effect of the heat.

Loki chuckled, but it did not reach his eyes. He stepped backwards, leaning against the counter of the sink, crossing his lanky arms over his chest. He was angry about something, Ellie noted. He had been coming back to her frustrated most night. She hadn't a clue what it was that he was doing and she wasn't sure she wanted to know what caused him such consternation.

So, rather than ask him how his day went, she chose to distract him instead.

"Is this your first time on earth?" She asked, somewhat timidly. She didn't want to set him off. Instead of making eye contact, she feigned interest in her knees. She wrapped hers arms around them, listening to the sound of water being disturbed.

Loki considered her question.

"No, I came here once many years ago. I was only a child." He said. "My…father brought my brother and I for a visit of sorts. We didn't even stay five minutes."

"Oh." Ellie said. "You were a child?"

"That was hundreds of years ago." Loki said curtly.

Ellie merely nodded, sinking deeper into the water and stretching her legs out.

"May I proffer a question?" Loki said smoothly.

"Mhhmmm" Ellie mumbled, too relaxed to suspect anything.

"When will you cease this blabbering and invite me to join you?" He sneered. He was on his knees now, his arms splayed over the edge of the tub, dragging one lazy finger through the water until it touched her bare shoulder. Ellie almost ingested some of the lavender infused water.

Gulping she quickly composed herself. "Are you saying you would wait for my permission?"

They both knew this was not the case. Loki's sneer widened.

"Clever girl." He said, shedding his shirt and trousers. He slid into the tub, leaning his back against the side opposite her. She could feel his legs tangle themselves with hers and she could barely contain the lust growing in her chest.

"Enough about me." He drawled on, ignoring her fluster. "I want to hear more about you?"

Ellie momentarily forgot her overwhelming stimulus. Cocking her head to one side, she lifted one leg, to hang over the edge of the tub, making room for him. She leaned her head back, letting it hang over the edge.

"Now why would you want to know anything about me?"

"Why wouldn't I?" He countered.

"Why?" Ellie repeated, shutting her eyes. "Because you believe mortals to be…oh how did you put it? Dull, boring, pathetic, disgusting, weak, annoying, helpless…I could on…"

Loki grinned, pleased that she was so keen to play along.

"You are nothing like them." He said. "Ellie, you are so much more."

Ellie raised her head to look at him. Was he teasing her again? No, his gaze was achingly serious. No smile, no sparkling glint to be found in his green eyes. He meant it.

"That is to say you are not as abhorrent." Loki drawled, all manner of sentiment gone in a flash. "You are still a weak, dull, annoying little creature."

Ellie's pride was wounded, yes, but she laughed anyway. Dipping her hand in the water, she scooped up some of the bubbly liquid and playfully splashed him. It was a mistake.

What felt like a bucket of water fell over her, soaking her hair and leaving her sputtering. She sat herself up choking.

Loki laughed aloud. "You do not wish to start games with me, love. I always win."

Ellie snorted, trying to pull the thick folds of wet hair out of her face."

And then Loki was there, assisting her, his fingers cool even in the heat.

When Ellie was finally able to see, she realized how close his face was to hers. Small drops of water still decorated his pale face, reflecting the light from the ceiling, making him look positively angelic. Ellie was left breathless at the sight.

His fingers dragged her hair out of her face, she could smell his breath as it flew past her skin.

She caught one of his hands in hers and pulled it away from her face. Holding it before her, she began to inspect it.

Loki had lovely hands. His fingers were long and looked as delicate as spider's legs. She ran the pads of her fingertips over his palm tracing the lines slowly.

_Why am I getting so…bothered. They're just hands for goodness sake Ellie. You're probably freaking him out. _

As if rising from a deep trance, Ellie lifted her gaze to Loki's face. He was watching her movements like a predator gazing upon his prey. His green eyes penetrated through her, sharp and unflinching. She dropped his hand then.

"Sorry." She whispered huskily.

He shook his head deftly, reaching out and snatching one of her hands into his own. Ellie's heart began to pound in her throat, but all she could feel was the touch of his skin.

Slowly he tugged her hand closer. She was drowning in his gaze, she couldn't look away from his eyes.

His lips brushed over her palm, then fell to her wrist. He pressed his mouth to her skin, feeling her blood pounding in her veins.

He dropped her hand then ad it plunged into the water.

He had her then. He leaned forward, gripping the sides of the tub with both hands.

Ellie understood all too quickly and she sunk lower into the water. He lowered himself down over her lithe form, covering her face with kisses. She ran her hands over his bare chest, feeling the contours of his lean muscles.

_Well, _she thought, _I'm not bored anymore… _

(BREAK)

Short, yes? I know. I need to be better about making these a bit longer. Anyway, thank you for reading and please review!


	26. Only Human

I have been slowly, slowly, slowly rewriting Shiver. Nothing at all major, just fixing up awkward sentences and strews of embarrassing typos (I've really got to be better about that). And I realized that there is a moment I wish I had in there. There is no real moment when Loki realizes that Ellie is more than just a way for him to sustain his powers. Of course, these feelings are foreign to him and he has no way of correctly identifying them, but that can't stop him from feeling them and reacting to them. Now I'm rambling…

Music is the great inspiration these days and this chapter could not have been made without **Bon Iver's Holocene**. There's also a new picture of Karen Gillan floating around (she's in a field, in a coat, the sun is light) that was also an inspiration. Thank goodness for Tumblr, because I don't even watch Doctor Who but so many people I follow do and she was the perfect muse for Ellie.

**80. Only Human**

_The things I do for her…_Loki thought scornfully. _For myself really. This is becoming ridiculous. _

In the earliest hours of a winter's morning, Ellie had dragged him from her bed.

"It's Sunday." She said, "A sunny Sunday."

It was a trite and useless explanation that meant nothing to him. But if he was to stay within her good graces, he would have to cater to her flighty whims. Most often it was quite easy. He knew that she was wrapped tightly around his finger. He could smile and grin, whisper about nothing at all, construct lies containing the sugary sweet words that would have her kneeling at his feet. But from what he knew of women, his charm alone would not keep her close.

So he slid out of bed and slipped into his informal, somewhat garish mortal attire.

Even though it was the middle of winter and the air was alive with an icy bite, the sun was shining brightly in a cloudless pearl blue sky.

After a quick standoff between Loki and Ellie's frustratingly stubborn mutt, Ellie coaxed Harrison into the back of her car.

As she drove Loki marveled at the primitive nature of the mortal's transportation system. Even thought she had mentioned that her machine was an older model, he still could not believe how archaic her people were.

_Pathetic. _

"Have you been out walking around here?" Ellie asked. Loki could tell she was trying to hide some misguided sense of excitement.

"No." he said, not trying to hide his contempt at being forced along on some silly adventure. He sensed that she meant to impress him and he dreaded having to fake a response authentic enough to trick her into believing him.

If she picked up on his mood, she chose to ignore it. "It's really quite beautiful. I come up here whenever I need to clear my head. And I have far too many thoughts in my head right now."

This Loki knew. Last night had been one of the rare nights that he craved sleep. But while he tried to sleep, Ellie had stayed up most of the night. She was hunched over her table blinking in the dim light of a small lamp, scratching away for hours and hours. The sound of her pen, the persistency of the light, and her constant whispering made sleep a hard thing to come by. Loki was more than a little annoyed with her and the present time.

"Right, let's go." She said. She clamored out of the car, opening the door for Harrison. The beast bounded from the car, already knowing the way. Loki slammed the passenger door with an excessive force, almost immediately regretted it.

Ellie, who had been watching her dearest friend escaping into the trees, looked over her shoulder. Folds of ginger hair bounced passed her face where a knowing look was drilling right through his bravado.

The corners of her lips turned up as she appraised him. She held her hand out and waited for him to come to her. Rolling his eyes with all the disdain belonging to a bored and stubborn child, Loki approached her and took her hand.

It seemed that nothing, not even his obvious frustration, could deter her. She smiled widely, laughing at him, and began dragging him to the trail.

"Thank you for coming with me, Eric." She said pointedly.

They walked on for a while. The forest was lush, but obviously rarely touched by rain. The trail was constructed of dusty dirt, rocks, and pebbles. Several times they crossed the bone dry remains of a riverbed. Trickles of water still slithered along and small pools of water dotted the paths.

The air was still, not a ghost of a breeze to shake the leaves of the trees above them. The only sounds were the panting breaths of the dog, the faraway call of a bird, and the crunching of Ellie's boots as they trudged forward deeper into the trees.

They begin to climb higher, until they came to an empty clearing. Here dirt gave way to floods of green grass, both low and high. A smattering of wide flowers dusted the grassy floor and the sound of a stream could be heard but not seen.

Ellie, finally, released Loki's hand and wandered into the clearing, Harrison running in circles around her, barking and tugging at the hem of her jacket. She laughed, knelt down and ran her hands through his thick white mane.

Loki turned his head away from the disgusting display of affection towards a mere animal.

_How stupidly sentimental. _He thought, trying to move his attentions elsewhere. Instead he began to survey the land around him.

Midgard's beauty was one of simplicity. The planet was terribly organic, made up of living systems as delicate as the mortals that wandered the lands, believing it was theirs to own. Still, he had seen nothing like this is all his journeys through the nine realms.

The silence that accompanied the

There was beauty in fragility he realized. Something so delicate had managed to survive and thrive for thousands of years. It was to be commended. The field and everything in it seemed to demand a reverence and appreciation.

_Everything. _

He returned his attention to her. The mutt had wandered off again and she was left alone.

She stood in the middle of the field, her head turned to the sky, eyes closed. She was lost to the world.

Like the blades of grass of that sprouted from the dirt, she was ordinary. There were millions of humans, all as weak and as ignorant as they animals they believed they could control. A violent storm could end their race as easily as he could crush the earth under his feet.

But somehow the mortals had managed to survive and live and evolve. He couldn't understand how they managed. Until now.

He approached her then. His footsteps made no sound.

When he was close enough to touch her face, he knew she could sense his presence.

Her dark eyes fluttered open. He had no words for her.

After a moment she grinned. "Are you still angry with me?"

He laughed; she had known all along. Leaning down he pressed his lips against his forehead.

"No."

She nodded. "Why do you stay with me? If I irk you so?"

It was an honest question. Loki knew she was a clever girl, more observant than the average mortal.

He tried to think of a plausible lie, but the lies wouldn't come.

"Because…" He began, but he almost choked on his words. They appeared from nowhere and he couldn't believe they were his own. But he mulled them over for a moment and realized, surprised, that they were.

"Because I want to."

_It is true. _Loki thought, still confused by his own understanding. _There is no reason for me to stay. I am sure I could find another. But I want not for another. I have her. I need just her. For now._

* * *

><p>As always, thank you for reading my little stories. I'm ¼ of the way finished now! Can I make it to 100? We'll just have to see!<p> 


	27. Love & Lies

A little bit of Valentine Fluff. A little isolated number, this one. I'm not sure if it borders on OOC. It is my firm belief that Loki would never out rightly admit to loving someone. So, let's call it a dream. A shared dream. Yes. That'll do.

**14. Love & Lies**

Valentine's Day was really just like any other day. Good for some, wonderful for others, and terrible for the rest. It all depended on the fates and the wills.

For Ellie, every Valentine's was a dull, dead day. Never had she been a part of a pair on the fateful February day. Today was no different.

With the apartment all to herself, she partook in a single gal's ritual. Snacking on a bowl full of festive candies and losing herself in a book that was in no way romantic. Of course, as the night wore on, she only felt more and more lonesome, thinking about the hundreds of couples that were wrapped up in each other.

So, after gulping down one candied heart too many, Ellie slipped into sleep restless and gloomy.

* * *

><p>There he was; lounging under the shade of a large and looming tree. As she trotted forward, her bare feet stumbling over the grassy, bumpy plain, she realized he was asleep.<p>

At least he seemed to be sleeping. Eyes shut tightly, body stretched out, relaxed unmoving.

She came very close and then stopped, suddenly afraid.

_This is just a dream. _She thought, knowingly. _One I've had before. This is all so familiar but…I know it isn't real. _

If it wasn't real what was stopping her from going to him? Waking him? Showering him with affection?

Before she could wonder, his eyes fluttered open.

* * *

><p>Seeing her standing before him…<p>

She was as delicate and as demure as he remembered. She was clad only in a thin, pale dress. Even from her distance he could see the freckles etched into her skin, the deep dark wells of her eyes.

How long had it been? He had not allowed time for rest or sleep in weeks. And now within seconds of shutting his eyes, he found himself in her presence.

_Dreaming, _Loki recognized. _And what a sweet dream it is. _

He shifted, rising to his feet with the fluidity of a swan, he moved towards her. He wanted to embrace her, hold her in his arms, touch her hair…there were so many things he had missed, still missed. Even if it was a finely painted image in his head…

But she stepped away from him, a troubled look brewing in her eyes.

Confused, Loki stood back, looking to his love for answers.

* * *

><p><em>There's so much I want to say. <em>Ellie thought, somberly. _Even if this isn't real. I should say them. Say them. Release them. Or else these words will swallow me whole. _

She licked her lips, fearing that he words would come out garbled and quiet. No, the things she had to say were worthy of being shouted from the rooftops. But there were no rooftops in this field.

"You're not coming back are you?" Ellie said, crossing her arms over her chest. "You never meant to."

* * *

><p>Doubt hammered into him with more force than Mjölnir could ever manage. Her doubt; attacking him.<p>

She was doing it. Staring straight through him. Into him. Gaze ratcheting into his soul with both a pleasure and a pain, one the like he had never felt before.

"I love you." Ellie said, her voice laced with lament. She rocked on her feet, unsure and anxious. "More…more than I care to admit. And it's stupid of me and foolish…"

"You…" she said, choosing her words with great care. "You betrayed me. You used me. You needed me, yes, but…I just, I have to know if any words you said, any touch you gave, if any of it was sin-"

He was there. Inches from her, his fingertips hovering over her lips.

* * *

><p>Loki knew what to say. He knew how to quell her doubt and still her anxious heart. But knowing and acting upon knowledge are two very different beasts.<p>

He couldn't tell her. He couldn't admit to such a lowly, weak thing such as love. It was not in his nature to be revealing, to be transparent. His was a name built on shadows and specters, lies not loves.

But he did love. He did feel love for her. To him, she was love. He had known no other as he had known her.

He could remember her scents and the sound of her breath as she slept. He found joy in her smile and pain in her sadness.

He longed for the taste of her. He longed for her flesh, for her blood, and her praise. He would die defending her.

This he knew. It wasn't a knowledge that took time to find. It just happened that one day, a day so insignificant that he had forgotten it's detail entirely, he knew.

"I…" He just couldn't say it. He didn't want to. "Ellie, I-do care for you. Quite deeply and with all of my being."

* * *

><p>Ellie thought it through. He was a god powerful and strong, she was a prisoner to an ignorant world. Born into mediocrity, one in a billion fragile souls. He lived among gods and goddesses, fought enemies of endless might, journeyed through realms she couldn't imagine.<p>

"Why?" She said, trying to reign in the tidal wave of feeling that threatened to sweep her into nothing. She was choking on her words. Everything she had feared since he had left was spilling out of her_._

_I suppose it doesn't matter_, she thought_, it's just a dream_.

"I'm…a mortal, and-you made it very clear that you…and you! A god? You can change your shape and conjure and mountains would probably crumble at your whim…Why would you…love me?"

She knew it was what he meant. What she wanted him to mean. She didn't need him to say it. They were words only. And words, as mighty as they were, could not explain all. There were times when words were useless. And this, Ellie knew, was one of those times. But words were all she possessed in her arsenal. She would call upon them until her dying days.

* * *

><p>Loki moved is fingers from her lips, tracing her jaw, he held her face in his hand.<p>

"Why?" he repeated, feeling the consternation in the air, palpable and toxic. He brushed his thumb over her cheek where a tear had fallen.

"You cannot imagine..." Loki said, stumbling over his words. He had never admitted to anything like this. _But this is a mere dream._ He thought. "There is nothing I can say…

He bent forward, his lips at her ear.

"Except that…I've waited so long for your love, darling."

Slowly, like dripping honey, he pressed his lips to hers. Ellie responded in kind, her lips relenting to his attentions. His hand left her jaw and cupped the side of her neck, fingers tangled in her hair. Ellie's arms circled his neck.

They parted after some time, the need for air just barely outweighing their need for one another.

"I swear to you, Ellie." Loki said, smoothly. His glassy green eyes were wide with conviction. "I will return to you. My time…our time is fast approaching. I will return to you."

He took her hand in his then, kissing it tenderly.

Ellie stared down at her hand. She had never dared to dream that one day, someone who touch her in such a way. She never believed that fate could map out a love so grand and consuming just for her.

As she contemplated how this had come to be, the feeling of his touch began to disappear. Her vision blurred and blackened.

And she woke up.

* * *

><p>Happy Valentine's Day!<p>

There are something's your author would like to say. Firstly, to everyone who has given me inspiration and ideas, thank you! I don't know what I would do without y'all really. Secondly, due to the nature of my sequel there are some stories that will not appear in this set of vignettes. Loki will not be discovering Steve until The Avenger's hits. He is far too busy making "shady deals" and pooling his power to spy on Ellie. And frankly, he doesn't think about it (I believe). Of course she's on his mind, but she is not an urgent matter in his head right now. He thinks of her (as in this chapter) once in a blue moon. Besides, I've got some plans for that whole business (Loki finding out about Steve, I mean) and I'm really terribly, frightfully excited to share my plans with you all. (seriously, is it may, yet?)

Well, I guess that's all I wanted to say for now. I have four chapters almost completed, so expect some more postings soonish!

Thank you for reading and, as always, I would love to hear from you! Keep those suggestions/requests coming and I will do my best to be accommodating.

3 BB


	28. Another!

After a hard day of work Ellie returns home to "Eric." It's her birthday and she's feeling a little down. She decides a healthy bout of drinking is in order and Loki is left to pick up the wobbly pieces.

**27. Another!**

_It's just another part of being human I guess. Another sucky part. _

Like every hardworking human to troll the earth, Ellie was learning that life could be a right old bastard. It had been surprisingly torturous: working on her birthday.

It was, of course, a busy weekend. And, to fuel the fire, the restaurant had been doubly crowded thanks to an annual marathon passing through town. Ellie was run ragged by the days end.

It was no surprise to her that she had a new found respect for anyone working a service job anywhere. It was a thankless job, unless of course you stumbled upon a generous tipper. But those illusives were few and far between.

As Ellie stomped up the stairs, she could think only of a hot shower and the comfort of her bed. After a bumbling battle to find her keys in her bottomless purse, Ellie managed to finally stumble into her apartment.

"Oh." She said, realizing that Eric had let himself in. Again.

_I've got to stop him doing that. _Ellie thought. But it was a mere thought. She didn't actually want to be rid of him.

He sat on her couch, lanky legs stretched over her coffee table. When she entered, he cocked his head back to smile languidly at her. She mustered a unabashedly flippant grin. Luckily, he wasn't a man who took offense easily and he ignored her less than enthusiastic greeting.

Dropping her bag to the floor, she shuffled over to the couch, intent on joining Eric, only to find someone else had taken her spot.

Harrison was curled up on the couch next to Eric, his large head resting in the man's lap.

Ellie raised a skeptical brow. "So…are you two getting along?"

Loki laughed. "You sound surprised."

Ellie groaned, shedding her jacket and falling onto her bed. "Can you blame me? You two haven't exactly been…cordial in the past."

It was true. And Ellie had every right to be suspicious. In fact, when Loki had slunk up to her apartment and tricked himself inside, he was met with the sturdy (yet fluffy) opposition of Ellie's faithful mutt.

Ignoring the feral growls and honorable attempt at intimidation, Loki had made himself comfortable on the couch, only for the dog to jump up and challenge the god of mischief to a battle of stares.

The two creatures had been locked in the battle until Ellie arrived home. The dog, more cunning then Loki had at first given credit for, instantly plopped down and adopted an air of scruffy innocence.

"Something the matter?" Loki asked, trying to shove the dog off of the couch in a manner most secretive.

Ellie mumbled something into the sheets.

"Pardon?" Loki said. He persisted just for the fun of it.

Ellie rolled over onto her back, staring at the ceiling. She was itching to complain and bitch and moan about her "circumstances." But she knew she would only bore Eric and then he would leave. He wasn't a man of pity or affection, Ellie had come to learn. If she ever complained or whined he would either feign interest or ignore her completely.

"I want…" She mumbled aloud, not quite sure where her train of thought was taking her.

"Yes?"

As jumbled as her thoughts were, one little word was flickering more brightly than the others. Like a dying star.

Ellie sprung up, suddenly rejuvenated.

"Booze." She said. _I shouldn't mope around. I'm 23 today dammit. I should at least get one good, hearty drink in me. _

Loki was not familiar with the Midgardian slang. He rolled his eyes, unprepared for another night dedicated to some ridiculous mortal form of entertainment. Following her around was becoming irksome.

_I should abandon all attempts at charm and niceness. _He thought. _Show her my truest form, stir some healthy fear in her, keep her all to myself. _

He often toyed with the idea. He needed her close, after all, not happy. But he found that pleasing her wasn't entirely difficult and he didn't want to bother with revealing his true nature. It could lead to endless complications and he had not the time for them.

_She would look quite lovely locked up in a cage. _He grinned to himself, entertaining his darker fantasies for a short second. _Prettily crafted, black iron, or gold perhaps…_

As Loki pondered the more elegant forms of entrapment, Ellie was digging through her closet, unaware of the deviant creature she had let into her life.

Slipping into a shiny black top and a slim black blazer, she ditched her regulation pants and slipped into some skinny jeans and sweet heels.

"You're coming right?" She called, pulling Loki from his twisted reverie.

"Where exactly?" He asked, not excited in the least.

"To the bar." She said. Realizing that his mood was as damp and as dark as hers, she walked around the couch, leaned her elbows on the back of it and ran her fingers through his dark, inky hair. "For some drinks…and maybe some fun in a shadowy corner."

_Drinks and fooling around. _She thought to herself. _Sounds like a perfect way to celebrate. _

Loki smirked at her hapless attempt to seduce him. He was almost touched that she tried, but she was clumsy and quite obviously inexperienced.

Finally having an acceptable excuse to push the mutt away, he pulled himself off to the couch.

"Lead the way, my dear."

* * *

><p>Loki had no interest in socializing with other mortals. Ellie had stretched the thin limitations of his patience to a snapping point. He could stand only her. One more useless quip from one more intoxicated mortal would mean the death of the unlucky fellow.<p>

It would be easy. He could even appear to be accidental.

Fortunately for Loki (and the other frequenters of the bar), Ellie had no interest in other mortals either. She seemed content with his company alone.

With his hand in hers she slipped in between the crowds and found two seats against the bar.

"A beer please." Ellie said brightly before the bartender could even ask. She hopped up into the high seat, suddenly peppy. _I might as well try to enjoy myself. A little bit. _

Loki couldn't imagine what the girl had ordered. All he could know was that it could not possibly be strong enough for his refined tastes.

"It's my birthday, today." Ellie said, unprovoked. She had been itching to say it aloud all day. Even a speck of recognition would have left her happy. But she was slammed at work, as were all of her fellow waitresses, and there was never a free moment to catch up. She had wanted to tell Eric, but she could guess that he wouldn't care for such a selfish display. She leaned forward, sipping at the froth that threatened to spill down the edge of the glass.

So after a day of keeping her lip zipped, she spilled it…to the boyish man tending the bar that night.

The bartender, a curly haired, strapping sort of man overheard.

"Today's the day?"

He said, leaning on the bar, batting his wide eyes in Ellie's direction. Loki, who had been lost in his own dark thoughts, felt a shrill call in the back of his head. Glancing at Ellie, he could see her attentions had been snatched away. Some long forgotten rage began to bubble in his chest. He could not imagine why such an intense feeling had chosen that moment to wake from hibernation. But he didn't bother with it for it faded within the moment and left him cold as always.

Ellie, unaware of Loki's pressing presence at her side, leaned forward speaking to the barman. "I know that face..."

She took another long drink from her glass. "You're fishing for tips."

The young man feigned a bashful smile and shook his head. "Nah, Happy Birthday."

Ellie smiled. "Thanks!"

"You know," he said, flashing a set of large white teeth. Ellie was reminded a bit of a stealthy shark. A cute shark, but a shark none the less. "I'm not supposed to do this, but for a girl like you, I think some birthday freebies are in order."

As a young girl, living on her own and footing all the bills on a meager server's salary, free anything always caught her eye. Whether she needed it or not. Although she tried to avoid such base strategies, if she was really desperate, she wasn't above flashing a smile and tossing her hair to get some freebies. It was a practiced skill. She had been lucky enough to be paired with roommates who knew their way around charming men. Though Ellie never measured up to their mastery, she did manage to sly her way out of a parking ticket or grab a free drink or meal every so often.

"Is that so?" she asked, after taking another sip of liquid confidence.

He flitted away and returned with two shot glasses.

"A toast," he said, spilling amber liquid into each glass. "To the birthday girl…and the guy lucky enough to spend the day with her."

He gestured to himself then, but Ellie shook her head.

Loki, now intent to burst the boys misguided ego, was about to swoop in. When Ellie took up his cause all on her own.

Reaching out blindly behind her she found Loki's coat and grabbed it pulling him closer.

"Sorry, hon',"Ellie said, "I've got my party right here."

Loki's first thought was to push himself away from her, not very keen on being treated like a mere attachment to such a flighty mortal girl. But when he saw the visible disappointment swimming in the young man's eyes, he decided he couldn't simply let the chance for some fun slip away.

Tormenting the weak-hearted was a joy he found when he was much younger. Playing on their confidences and reducing them to dust. He had done it to the vain and beautiful Sif, to the haughty guard captain, the sickeningly loyal Heimdell…

Now it seemed this poor, unfortunate lad would bear the brunt of his pent up mischief.

It was clear to Loki that the boy wanted more than tips. And rightly so. Of all the woman in the bar, Loki knew Ellie could count herself as one of the more desirable. During the week's Loki spent with Ellie, he had been working to improve her overall appeal. If he was to spend so much time with her, he would need her to be a bit more bearable. She looked rather pretty, dressed in the straight cut, finely tailored blazer he had convinced her to purchase. It was no wonder to him why the barman showed interest.

Slipping his arm around shoulders he placed a small kiss on her brow, eyeing the man as he straightened up again.

"Yes," Loki said, much too sweetly. "I'm sure you have people to serve, you've done your job and you can scurry off now."

The boy visibly deflated and slid away like a disciplined pup, leaving the glasses (and his pride) sitting alone on the bar.

Ellie rolled her eyes, putting her hand to her face to hide her delighted grin. She had never thought Eric could be so territorial. She was oddly flattered, finding the gesture entirely titillating. Still, she pointedly nudged Loki's side with her elbow.

"Eric, you can be so rude."

Loki ignored her pestering and finally leaned into the seat next to her.

Taking up one of the small glasses, he lifted it to his face and sniffed.

Ellie swiped up the other one, ignorant to Loki's perplexity.

"Well, he did say they were free…" She mumbled. Loki watched as she tipped the glass to her lips and swallowed the drink in one shuddering gulp.

It was Ellie's first shot in over a year. The effect was something she remembered vaguely, but it did nothing to lessen the storm of fireworks crackling in her brain. She shook her head from side to side, and set the glass back down on the table.

She eyed Eric, who was still holding his glass in front of him.

"Are you going to…?" she asked, trying to sound sweet. Loki glanced at her, brow furrowing. Without a word or notion he held it towards her. He had no desire to partake of any mortal brew. The food he managed to gulp down was enough.

Ellie smiled, taking it from him and emptying it as she had the first. Slapping it down onto the bar, she grinned.

"I think I'd like another."

Tossing her hair, and the rest of her inhibitions, over her shoulder, she waved towards the bar tender.

Loki shifted in his seat, realizing that he was in for a long, arduous night.

* * *

><p><em>Quite strange<em>. Loki thought as he held the door open. It was remarkable how little alcohol mortals could consume and yet still manage to become so entirely intoxicated.

Ellie was a bit of a stumbling mess by this point. Though she wasn't loud or in any way attention grabbing, Loki was quite sure he had never seen this side of the girl.

She became more flirtatious with the sniveling barman, giggled and laughed at almost nothing, and she had become a lot more attentive with Loki.

After a second round of "shots," as she had called them, She leaned her head on Loki's shoulder and began to toy with his scarf. Running her fingers through the fabric like she had never seen it before.

He would be lying he said that the small weight on his shoulder wasn't oddly comforting. No one, not even Thor, had sought comfort from him. Loki had always assumed he preferred it this way. Until now.

Usually, it took some time and coaxing for Ellie to be so affectionate with him. It was clear that, as young as she was, she struggled to find confidence in her sexuality. Loki had spent many hours coaxing her and babying her as he had with the many servant girl who dared to crawl onto his web.

But after yet another round of ill-advised shots, Ellie was living up to another side of her nature. One that mirrored the color of her hair: that of a fiery fox.

As she slipped outside, Loki was sure to stay close by. She had been in danger of toppling over several times. She held her purse and her jacket in one hand and she swayed from side to side as she walked.

_If I wasn't here to watch out for her…_Loki thought, peeved.

"That was fun." She mumbled, a bit quiet in the bleak night. She was still grinning though. She spun around to look at him and, her heel catching in a crack, fell backwards.

Loki was there, catching her round the waist and steadying her. Ellie, not even aware that she had almost become one with the pavement, slipped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. Meeting her insistence in kind, Loki slid his tongue past her lips, deepening the kiss. They stood in the middle of the sidewalk, close to ravishing each other.

"Darling," Loki tried to interrupt, but he was distracted by her scent. Marred as it was by the harsh breeze of alcohol, it was clear that (had he pressed) she would have taken him right then and there.

"Ellie-" He tried again, his voice breaking as her tongue slid over the side of his jaw.

Grasping her shoulders and forcibly pulling her from him, he trapped her in his piercing gaze.

"We should return home." He said, succinctly.

Ellie, her large dark eyes blinking, considered his words.

"I suppose," She said, her voice lilting. Jerking backwards, Loki thought she was due to crumple again, but she was merely slipping her heels off of her feet. Holding the pair in one hand, she smiled, and pivoted and began to walk down the street.

Loki watched her go, his eyes threatening to roll into the back of his head for good.

_Little fool…_

Quickly matching her uneven pace, he took her hand.

Before she could question him, he swept her into his arms as easily as a rag doll.

"What are you…" She muttered, her head a whirl.

"I don't want you to hurt yourself." He said, an air of finality in his voice.

"Hurt myself?" She repeated. "Oh Eric, I can walk down a street!"

Loki merely shook his head. "I don't believe you can."

"Oh." Ellie said, having no energy to argue with him. She rolled her head back looking up at the sky.

However, in her drunken state there was nothing at all interesting about the stars. So she returned her gaze to Eric.

"You are really beautiful, you know." She whispered, touching the finger to the tip of his nose. "I mean gorgeously so. Like…one of those Greek statues."

Loki sneered in spite of her words. He wasn't one to refuse such words.

"Am I?" He said, his mood brightening.

"Oh yes," Ellie said, playing with his scarf once more. "The most beautiful…that I ever…well…we haven't…but we could…"

Her words faded in and out of comprehension and Loki decided to ignore her.

* * *

><p>When they finally arrived back at her place, Ellie had quieted down. Loki had to check to see if she was still awake. Setting her down on the threshold of her home, he slid the door shut behind her.<p>

They had left a single light burning inside. The dim glow came from a lamp on her makeshift desk, providing a warm light that filled the small space.

Harrison was fast asleep on her bed, having managed to tug one of her blankets over his large back. Loki, stood next to Ellie waiting for her to make a move. But she just rocked back on forth, a wistful look in her eye.

Loki, who had been subconsciously fighting his urges for most of the night, slid his hands over her shoulder and helped her out of her blazer. Underneath she wore a royal blue jersey halter, the bright color looked good against her freckle smattered shoulders. Dropping her jacket to the floor, Loki ran her large hand over her bare shoulder. Her skin was warm and smooth and he was swept up in the urge to laden it with sweet kisses.

Ellie placed her hand over his and turned into him. He leaned down and kissed her then.

"Happy Birthday," he whispered, mimicking the words the barman had said.

She smiled against his lips.

_What a nice birthday. _She thought.

Pushing his coat off of his shoulders, she grabbed his tie and pulled him towards the couch.

Loki, understanding, fell onto it. With his legs spread wide, he guided Ellie closer. She stood in front of him a dreamy far off look in her eye. His hands, which rested on the small of her back, slid downwards. Gripping the backs of her thighs, he pulled her down so that she straddled his lap. She pulled his scarf from his neck and tossed it over her shoulder. He ran his hands over her jean clad legs, enjoying the feel of her tender curves.

Tugging on a loose lock of her hair, he raised his lips to her ear.

"Let me offer you a gift."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading! Please review!<p> 


	29. Stay

I have enjoyed the opportunity to explore the possibility of Steve and Ellie as a potential couple. The idea to include Steve in Shiver was not at all planned until the very moment the idea popped into my head, when I was already deep into writing my story.

Steve and Ellie's relationship is slow. Very slow. Purposefully slow. I came across a post on Tumblr: "6 types of love" and I was able to identify Steve/Ellie in the mix. **Storge**: an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity. I think Steve and Ellie both struggle with the idea that they could love one another as they are both extremely hung up on other people. Steve still mourns the loss of Peggy and Ellie believes Loki will never return. Even though their situations are hopeless, they cannot give up on that love. But they are both utterly lonely and in need of affection. So they have each other for that. I wanted to explore that more in this chapter.

**63. Stay **

It had become a sort of ritual for Steve to appear at her apartment in the early evenings. She learned not to expect him, as his appearances were entirely random. But she never turned him away. It seemed he had a knack for coming around when Catherine was away on business; a more frequent occurrence as she was in the process of taking her company to a more global standing.

When Steve did knock on her door, she welcomed him in with open arms. He would always bring some sort of offering: a six pack, a bunch of flowers, food. She kept telling him that there was no need, but he would hang his head and wave her off.

After she thanked him and chastised him, he would shed his trusty leather jacket and they would pile onto her couch to watch whatever happened to be on the classic movie channel.

"I still can't believe you've never seen Some Like It Hot." Ellie said.

This February night was no different from the nights previous. Steve had settled into the center of the large brown leather couch, his legs perched on the glass coffee table just in front of him. Ellie sat just to his left, her back resting on some pillows against the arm of the couch, her legs stretched out over his.

"My parents never let me watch them." Steve said, shrugging. "I had to sneak out to the theater if I wanted to see a movie. We didn't even have a television."

Steve took comfort in the ability to divulge little truths to Ellie. He wanted to her to know him, just as he was, but he was always having to dodge any touchy subjects. He didn't want to lie to her. And being able to speak candidly and truthfully was a great release. And he liked knowing that she liked things about him that were true.

"We had one, but only so my parents could keep up with the stock market and news." Ellie said, grinning as they watched Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon trying to escape the hotel through the window in their dresses and wigs. "They never wanted to go to the movies."

When the movie had ended, the clock was due to strike ten o'clock. It was time for Steve to go. Ellie watched him slip his arms into his jacket and followed him down the narrow hallway to the door.

He pulled it open but, his hand still on the door, stopped before leaving. Ellie slid under his arm, leaning against the door. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to keep the sadness she always felt when he left locked up inside of her.

_Who knows when he'll come around again?_

Steve had a far-away look in his eye. He gulped, the sound loud enough to reach Ellie's ears. Looking down at her, he licked his lips as a last resort to suck in some much needed confidence.

"Hey, El?" He said.

Ellie nodded, secretly thrilled with the nickname he had only recently (and without so much as a wink) bequeathed to her.

Steve paused. _What am I doing?_

He knew what he was doing. He knew what he wanted and what he didn't want.

What he didn't want, was to return to SHEILD headquarters, to his small but pristine room. It's white walls empty and plain. Save for a few dutifully silent agents, Steve was alone in the bowls of the organization. It was too quite there. Too clean. Too sterile and it reminded him too much of a hospital.

"Can…can I stay?" he had wanted to be more clear in his request, but he was choking on his words.

"Here?" Ellie asked, surprised. "Tonight?"

Steve nodded, blushing and bashful.

"Of course," Ellie said, leaning against the door so that it swung open further. Steve shuffled back inside and pushed the door shut. As the fateful click echoed in the hallway, Ellie and Steve were staring at each other with moderate confusion. Neither were quite sure what to do now.

Ellie was the first to shake herself from the stupor. Without a word she walked back down the hallway and into the living room. Steve followed, once again slipping his jacket from his shoulder to the tall end table at the end of the hall.

He entered the living room, but found no sign of Ellie. Standing by the couch, he inspected it.

_It is rather comfortable. _He thought.

"What are doing?" Ellie had slipped into the shorter hallway at the other end of the living room. She had poked her head out, clutching the archway. Locks of head hair fell over her shoulder.

Steve waved his hand in the direction of the couch.

"Well, I thought-" He began.

But Ellie interrupted him.

"You can, sleep in here." She said, gesturing behind her. "…with me."

She regretted the words as they left her mouth. If only she could reach out, grab them and shovel them back into her throat where they belonged. Those words should have never seen the light of the evening.

_Oh god, could that sound any more like a "come hither?"_ _No! What must he think of me…?_

"Well, no." Steve said, all too quickly. Ellie felt her stomach knot up with the familiar twinge of cold hard rejection. _I should have expected as much. And know you've gone and made it awkward Ellie. You should just disappear until morning after he leaves…_

"I mean." Steve back peddled, raising his hands in an almost comical defense. "El, it's not that I don't _want_ to. I _don'_t want to. But not-

"Oh no!" Ellie said, beginning to understand what it was he meant by saying no. "_I_ don't want to. Well, I do _want _to, but I don't…_now_, I don't…"

Ellie was a flushed as Steve, their babbling becoming ridiculous.

"…_want_ to." Steve finished.

Some sort of odd, cerebral understanding passed between them.

"It's just that I-" Ellie said, her throat threatening to close up. "I mean…I don't know if you ever…but I'm lonely."

_There. Idiot. _She had wanted to avoid sounding so blatantly pathetic. Brushing her hair over her ear, she hung her head feeling rightly and truly shamed and slunk into her room.

Falling onto her bad, she immersed herself in a wave of remorse.

_How can I face him now?_

* * *

><p>Steve stood by the couch, utterly undone. He did not feel Ellie's humiliation nor did he feel embarrassment in spite of it. No, he felt empathy. Rushing through his veins. For he had, since he had awoken felt the same, felt the same.<p>

Falling asleep was a challenge in itself, but doing so without first succumbing to haunting thoughts of Peggy, and the realization that he would never hold her in his arms, drove him to late nights in the gym and no sleep whatsoever.

He hated falling into bed every night. Utterly alone, without he hope of ever returning to the life he had loved.

He didn't realize he had shifted into motion. But he found himself standing just outside her door.

It was open a small crack, a rosy light eking from it creating a glowing line on the wooden floor at his feet. Taking a deep breath, which did nothing for his nerves, Steve pushed the door open, and stepped inside.

* * *

><p>Ellie sat on her bed, her legs folded under her. She was running a brush through her hair. She didn't see him at first. As she reached over to place the brush on her nightstand she glimpsed him in her doorway. Jumping a bit, she sat up straighter.<p>

"You too?" She asked, similar thoughts brewing in her head. After spending months sharing her own bed, the absence of another body was jarring. Sometimes, she would wake nights wondering what was wrong, only coming to understand that the stillness surround her was to blame. She was alone.

Steve nodded and pulled her door shit behind him.

* * *

><p>For the pair of them, it was the most restful sleep they had experienced in some time.<p>

Both of them, without knowing it, had been wishing the space next to them was filled, by the one they loved. And, although, never could admit that they had similar feelings or one another, here and now this was enough. Knowing they weren't alone.

Ellie was the first to succumb to sleep. After Steve had slipped into her bed, she had snuggled up to him. They were so close, they could feel each other's cool breath on their skin.

As Steve began to nod off as well, he was acutely aware of her body and how well it fit against his. Her forehead pressed against his collarbone, her head tucked under his chin, Her hand resting against his chest. He lifted his hand, tracing his fingers over the bare curve of her shoulder. He had always imagined women's skin to be soft, but to feel it under his own fingers was a moment to hold.

His touched moved from her shoulder, down her arm and to her waist. He rested his arm over her waist, pulling her even closer.

His eyes fell shut and he was lulled to sleep by the sound and the feel of her languid breaths.

As the sun broke through her in the late morning, Ellie and Steve would stay tangled in each other's arms, far too content to be bothered with waking.


	30. No Hero In Her Sky

After talking with some reader's about Steve and Ellie (and after seeing some frankly gorgeous pictures of Steve and after reading some spoilers), I was struck with several ideas for Steve-centric stories. Once I get these out of my system, we will returned to your regularly scheduled Loki goodness, I promise! Oh, and one of my reader's suggested a first date!

Though I'm given to understand a great deal of you are falling in love with Steve! (Yes, my diabolical plan is working *cue dastardly laugh*)

I listened to several songs while writing this chapter. And I would love to share them with you:** Falling in Love in a Coffee Shop by Landon Pigg, I've Got This Friend by The Civil Wars, and The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice**.

* * *

><p><strong>91. No Hero In Her Sky<strong>

"You want to go where?" Ellie asked. She had heard what Steve had asked (right out of the blue mind you), she just wasn't sure she had heard him correctly.

"Coney Island." Steve repeated, his chest puffing up in something much like pride.

"Well," Ellie said. She had only been to Coney Island once. It had been a great misadventure. She had joined a school yard friend. They walked through the sideshow, giggling and screeching as only little girls could. Seven year old Ellie had eaten her very first bite of candy. However, when her parents discovered that their youngest girl and skipped out on her after-school, young entrepreneur tutoring session, they had been a little less than pleased. Ellie's punishment had been swift and her whole opinion of the prime tourist spot had been permanently colored.

"I suppose." She said, hoping her disinterest was too prominent in her tone.

It appeared it wasn't.

"Good," Steve said, a nervous sigh finally leaving his lips. "It's a date, then."

Ellie looked up from her journal. "A date?"

It was silly for her to feel so flustered. She had known Steve for over a year now. They had gone out for drinks or coffee almost twice a month. He came to her house every other week to watch old movies or chat over a cheap dinner.

But they had never been on a date. They had never kissed; never out rightly expressed the feelings they couldn't even admit to themselves. A date was the sort of first step that could lead to all of that. Did she even want all of that? Did he?

_How can I know? _She thought, chewing on her bottom lip.

She met his eyes over the table. Though he was smiling, his eyes relayed the same nervous excitement she was feeling.

She relaxed, realizing he was no better at this dating business than she was. It the outing turned into a disaster, at least all the blame wouldn't fall on her.

"Alright," Ellie said. "A date."

* * *

><p><em>Have I even been on a date before? <em>Ellie thought three days later as she evaluated herself in the mirror hanging on her closet door. A pile of clothes lay on her bed. Her hair was still swept up in a towel.

_He'll be here in twenty minutes…_

_And I have no idea. What. To. Wear. _

It was almost to cliché to be real. Here she was, emptying her closet of everything and anything, looking for something to wear.

_He's seen a great deal of my clothes. Should I have gone out and bought something? No. That's silly. This is silly. It's the middle of the day. My day off. No need for fancy. But…It's a date right? So it should be something less…normal. _

She growled frustrated in the among of though she was dumping into this.

_I know what Steve'll wear. _She thought, throwing another skirt into the pile. _One of his checkered shirts, khaki's, and that jacket. And good for him. He looks great in it. Really great. Really fucking great. _

_Oh damn…no wonder I never went on dates. _

* * *

><p>For once, Steve was right on time. Managing one last glance in the hall mirror Ellie bounded out of the door (shutting and locking it behind her) and hurried down the stairs. After a few more torturous minutes of indecision, Ellie had finally settled on a date-appropriate outfit.<p>

The view from the windows suggested that it was a chilly sort of day, so Ellie had decided on dark jeans tucked into her rusty tan boots, and a teal blouse under her favorite plum coat. Since her time to prepare her hair had been slashed by her inability to choose an outfit, Ellie had chosen a cream colored knit cap that had been a gift from one of her college roommate. It was handmade, with a small collection of button sewn around the corner of the hem. It was a little snug, but Ellie was fond of it.

When she opened the door she nearly melted into a puddle. Steve stood there, wearing almost exactly what Ellie had predicted, a clump of flowers in his hands. She could call it a bouquet, but it was too large for that. Tied with a small ribbon, the flowers were a collection of her favorite colors: violet and blue, yellow and white, and plenty of greens, too.

"Steve," Ellie said, having no idea why she was getting so positively worked up. "They're beautiful."

_And they're just flowers. _Ellie thought to herself, trying to keep her composure. She had received flowers before, but for some reason, these ones seemed so much more beautiful. It was as if he had pulled them from the earth and their very prime himself.

Ellie took them from him and held them to her chest, she shut her eyes and inhaled the fresh fragrant smell of them.

"Thank you." She said, grinning like a twitter pated fool.

"One second." She said, turning on her heel and running back up the stairs. Unlocking and opening the big red door, Ellie rushed inside. Rummaging through the kitchen she found a vase big enough to hold the wild blooms. Filling it with water, she dropped them inside, taking a small moment to arrange them just so. Then, placing the vase on the empty dining room table, she left again.

Steve stood at the doorstep, eyes trained on the frosted glass door, nervously primping his hair. Did he scare her off with the flowers?

_I know it's not how things are done these days. _He thought, pushing a stubborn lock back into place. _But I don't know any other way. And even then…_

The only dates he had ever been on were double with Bucky. Those dates, which had seemed positively paralyzing then, looked like easy walks compared to now. He couldn't rely on Bucky's natural roguish charms to lure in a woman or two. He was alone.

Through the crack in the door, he could hear her bounding down the stairs again. Straightening his posture, he gulped down all his anxiety.

Ellie pulled the door open again, a silly grin stuck to her face like glue.

"I put them in a vase," She said, gasping a bit. "They're just gorgeous, Steve. Really…"

He could see she meant it. Her eyes were sparkling like freshly polished dimes.

Steve only, nodded not quite sure what to say. _Your welcome? Nah, that sounds weird. _

He settled on: "Shall we?"

Offering her his arm, they trudged down the steps and to the sidewalk where his motorcycle was waiting to carrying them away.

* * *

><p>For both of them, Coney Island was a bit of a disappointment.<p>

Steve had known the attraction as a bit dated, but thrilling. He had gone with Bucky and a girl or two dozens of times, fifty years ago, the attraction had been shiny and new. Families, friends, and tourists flocked to the peninsula, for a moment's peace from the crowded and often depressing Brooklyn streets.

For Ellie, the experience had been one she lived through kid-colored glasses. While the pier was still rusting and suffering from years of neglect, in the eyes of her younger self it had been an electric wonderland. Now, over twenty years later, the pier seemed much smaller, dirtier, and

But neither of them minded. It was a cold, cloudy Tuesday and they were almost entirely alone. Save for a gaggle of hooky-playing teens, a group of tourists that stayed huddled together, and an elderly couple shuffling from booth to booth, they was no one.

They walked around, fingers threaded together, looking at the various attractions. There was something, almost eerie about the empty boardwalk. But Ellie and Steve felt entirely comfortable. They were happy to just be with each other.

* * *

><p>After wandering around for an hour, they decided to walk towards the beach. They walked until they reached the sand.<p>

Ellie dropped Steve's hand and clambered up, onto a steel railing that stood between the cement pier and the sand. Steve stood by her side, gripping the railing and looking out into the ocean.

The waves were roaring, the sound of it deafening but relaxing. Steve realized that he hadn't heard the sound of waves rushing to and from the sea for decades. He shut his eyes and let the sound roll into the back of his head.

The water was a muddy gray color, reflecting the dullness of the sky that day. Ellie rocked back and forth, being careful to keep her balance, being lulled by the sweet sound of the waves.

She sighed.

Steve's eyes flickered open and he looked at her. From her position on the bar, she was a head taller than him. Her freckled cheeks were dusted pink from the cold, but she looked content. Her lips were painted ruby red, something he knew she did for him. Though she couldn't know why…

Steve found it strange, that he found her so lovely on such a dull day. Fog hung heavily in the sky. Were it not for the stillness of the air, one could guess that a storm was coming. The only sound that could pierce the roar of the waves was the random squawking of gulls.

As he watched her, taking in every detail with his eyes, he found he couldn't look away. Her hair tucked under a knitted cap, the small smile playing on her lips. It was all so compelling. The disappointment of the day gave way to a sudden, liberating (albeit confusing) realization: he loved her.

The thought seemed to suck the life right out of him. Time stood still for a single second. The sound of the waves and the birds was swallowed up. He couldn't feel the earth under his feet, nor the clothes on his body. He was stripped bare.

As time slowed to a start, the sounds of the ocean returned in an instant. Steve faltered on his feet as if he had been swept up and dropped to the ground again. He remembered to breath. He remembered to speak.

"Hey, El?" Steve ventured. Not wanting to fright her into falling, he lowered his voice. He slipped one arm around her waist. Ellie smiled, resting her arm around his shoulders and pulling him closer.

"Hmmm?"

Steve swallowed. "Is it…is it the first date, when you start telling the truth?"

Ellie frowned. _Truth?_

She leaned down, resting her cheek on his head.

"I think," she said, "The first date is reserved for your most charming lies, you know? So you can secure a second date."

"Oh." Steve said.

Ellie pushed off his shoulder. She lifted her legs over the railing and spun round so she could face him.

"You look sad." She said. "Is everything alright?"

It was. Steve wanted to say. It was alright. Because she was there. With him. She had never given up on him, never left him, never hated him. She knew it. That he was hurting. And yet she stayed. When others would have run, Ellie stayed.

She didn't even know who he was. To her, he was just a man. It comforted him, knowing that she saw him as she would see any other man. Not as a hero, not as a threat or a savior.

He was just Steve to her.

He reached up and touched her neck, slipping his hand to cupped the side of it he pulled her down and kissed her. Her lips were icy, but soft.

Ellie felt her heart fluttering like a trapped butterfly. She wrapped her arms around his neck in an effort to pull him closer. His arms fell to her waist and he pulled her from the railing.

They parted and Steve lowered her to the ground.

They were both breathing loudly, eyes locked together.

Ellie laughed and brushed a bit of red lipstick from Steve's lower lip.

Steve grinned, a new sense of euphoria blooming in his chest.

"I guess I can save the truth." He said. "For our next date."

Ellie smiled.

"I suppose."

* * *

><p>Hopefully, the next chapter will be posted the next couple of hours! Thank you for reading!<p>

Also, I realized the other day how many more of these I have to do! If you have anything you would like to see (Steve or Loki-centric) please do send it my way! I'll do my best to oblige!


	31. Question

I realize this chapter is very short. Let's call it a mini-chapter. But don't let it fool you, the contents are anything but mini!

**79. Question**

"I'm not saying it's a bad idea." Agent Coulson said, crossing and uncrossing his arms for the third time in thirty minutes.

Agents Coulson and Hill had been standing by their director's side for almost an hour. They waited, in relative silence, for him to give them confirmation on their orders.

Fury mumbled something incoherent under his breath. Maria Hill glanced at Coulson, who simply shrugged.

"Sir?"

"You sure as hell better not be saying it's a bad idea." Fury said, pushing himself away from his document-littered desk. "It's not a bad idea. It's a terrible idea. A goddamn stupid idea."

Coulson visibly deflated. "The man just wants a normal life. He's a decorated war hero. We can't just deny him-"

"That's enough from Captain America's fanboy of the decade, Coulson." Fury snapped, massaging his tense temples.

"If I may, sir." Maria said, her voice cutting through the ray.

"You most certainly may." Fury said.

"I see no harm in it." She said, stiffly. "Roger's is no idiot. Her background checks out more than alright. With minimal surveillance I believe Roger's is more than entitled to his request."

"Is he?" Fury said, still not liking it.

"Yes." Maria said, not a drop of doubt in her voice.

"And I assume this "minimal surveillance" you speak of will not be something I divulge to Roger's when I give him my answer."

"That would be up to you sir." Maria Hill said. "But I recommend as much."

"Very well. Agent Coulson, please make the necessary arrangements. And this time, don't ask Roger's for his autograph."

"Sir."

* * *

><p>I was a right thrill: riding on Steve's motorcycle. She would call it a bike, but it was far too grand and sleek to be labeled as such.<p>

But what Ellie loved most about the motorcycle was holding onto to Steve as they weaved in between still cars on the main streets. She hated to admit it so freely, but she was beginning to love being that girl. The girl that hopped on the motorcycle; swung her leg over the seat with a casual ease that made her seem cool. The girl that snagged the guy suave enough to handle himself on such a mechanical beast.

In truth, Steve was about as purposefully suave as a socially lone moose and Ellie was about as good at swinging her leg over the seat as she was at cooking. They weren't exactly the most cool couple.

They weren't exactly a couple. However the pair had long since stopped questioning the nature of their relationship. Yes, the had kissed. Yes, they cuddled. Yes, they spent a great deal of time with each other. But that was the end of it.

At least, Ellie assumed that was the end of it.

After a short ride into Brooklyn, Steve brought the motorcycle to a stop. Ellie glanced around, brushing her hair out of her face.

She frowned, looking around at the buildings that lined the narrow street.

"Where are we?" She asked, standing on the sidewalk.

Steve smiled, suddenly very nervous. He hopped up onto the sidewalk and pointed lazily with one hand.

"Up there. Third floor. This is my apartment." He said, trying not to stutter or hesitate.

"Oh." Ellie said, mildly surprised that Steve was finally choosing to lift the veil of his life.

She glanced up, shielding her eyes from the sun, when she suddenly realized why Steve had chosen this time to reveal the location of his home.

"Oh!"

She clapped a hand over her mouth. Steve grabbed her hand and pulled her up the stairs.

_Maybe he's just showing you Ellie. _She thought, to herself as they climbed to the third floor.

His apartment was much larger than she would have imagined. The floors were dark cherry wood, as were all the accents on the walls. The furniture was of similar make. It was a very neat space, well kept and not bogged down with too many decorations or designs. Clearly a man's apartment.

"You live here." Ellie said, her shoes clacking loudly in the entry hall.

"Yeah," Steve said, somewhat sheepish. "And I would like you live here, too. If you want to."

Ellie turned to look at him.

"You do?" She asked, her voice small. She had wandered into the living room. It was a small space, made large by the high ceilings. She stood in the center of the room, feeling as tiny as a mouse.

Steve approached her carefully, realizing the weight of his question.

He placed his hands on her shoulders, hoping she would see it as reassuring.

"El," He said, grinning. "It's just…I want you to be with me. The way we are. There's two bedrooms."

He backtracked quickly, hoping she wouldn't misunderstand.

The truth he couldn't out to words was that he needed her. He slept better with her by his side, she quieted the scream and the dreams. When he was with her, he felt better connected to the strange world he found himself in. He hated leaving her, only to return here. His desperately empty apartment, with its creaky floorboards and old fashioned fixtures. It was a prison, not a home.

"Only if you want to, El." He said, secretly hoping she would say yes.

Ellie nodded; her gaze grim. She walked around the living room and slipped into the next hallway.

She peeked into the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom, there was a small office off to the side, a nice hall closet.

_This is silly, you're making him wait, Ellie. _She thought to herself.

None of it mattered. The floor plan, the appliances, the style…

Ellie already knew her answer.

She poked her head back into the living room, Steve was standing where she had left him, looking more nervous than she had ever seen him.

"Steve?" She said, her voice breaking slightly.

His head popped up.

"Um," Ellie, wondering if she should be rethinking what she was about to say.

_No, _She thought. _This is right. It just feels right. _

"When can I move in?"

* * *

><p>Thanks to the Avenger's spoilers I so shamelessly gobbled up today, I now know that Steve has his own apartment. So, I thought I would add that in somehow.<p> 


	32. Good Morning

This was supposed to be a simple little chapter about Steve adjusting to living with another person. I just had a thought about Steve and Ellie living together and what that would be like and wanted to write it. To clarify, Steve and Ellie will have lived together for about just close to three months before the events of The Avengers movie takes place. I like using Lies to write out little moments that occur to me. This is, I'll admit, one of my favorites so far.

Song I listened to while writing: Her Morning Elegance by Oren Lavie. Another song I just adore.

**62. Good Morning. **

Besides the fleeting, long ago days of his childhood, Steve had never shared a home with another person. Home, to him, was something that could have someday. But the thought of it was so foreign and far away he didn't quite know what to think once he had it.

To have another presence floating around his apartment was strange and comforting all at once. After a week or so, Steve had come to several conclusions.

Firstly, the pair of them were terrible cooks. After a couple honest attempts at making what the internet claimed to be the easiest of meals, Steve and Ellie usually gave up, only to order in or wander out.

Secondly, Steve found himself to be a cinephile. He had a lot of catching up to do in many areas and seeing the great films of the decade was high on his list. It was one of his favorite pastimes from his life pre-freeze. Returning to his half-truth about spending most of his time in crowded cinemas because his parents did not own a television or VCR, he coerced Ellie into watching many a rented movie. His favorite flick so far, was the adventure movie franchise, Indiana Jones.

Of all of the things he learned, he found he enjoyed having her near.

He especially liked watching her dress for prepare for work in morning.

Ellie, a modern day woman, stuck tightly to a schedule. One she kept unless she was sick.

Roused every morning by the faint buzzing of her mobile phone, Ellie would slide from Steve's arms and scurry across the cherry wood floors into the bathroom for a shower.

Steve, trained to sleep lightly, would always wake when he registered she was no longer curled up by his side. He would stretch, yawn, and blinked the sleep from his eyes, listening to the sound of the shower behind the shut door.

Every night before they tucked in, she would place an outfit on the bathroom counter. Once her shower was done, she would slip into the clothes and then push the door open again to let the clouds of steam seep out of the bathroom. When she did so, Steve would roll onto his side and watch her primp for work.

There was still so much Steve couldn't understand about women. His mother, as kind and gentle as she was, wasn't the most feminine of ladies. As a TB nurse, she was required to be tougher than nails and still manage a kindly disposition. So dedicated was his mother to her work, she was up and gone hours before Steve would rise. She always made him breakfast and left it on the counter for him. Some nights she wouldn't come home until well after dark, some nights she never came home. She was the strongest woman he would ever know. No women would come close to Sarah Rogers.

So it was a bit of a fascination to watch Ellie mull about in front of the mirror. First she would brush her hair out, drying the ginger locks vigorously with a towel. Then she would mold it with a handy mechanism, a blow dryer. This was the longest process. She was careful to tease unruly locks into straight tidy. Some days she would sweep her hair up into a bun or ponytail at the back-top of her head. Other days she would leave it down, careful to keep it straight and wave-free.

After he hair she would begin on her face. In order to see better, Ellie would lift herself onto her toes, leaning over the sink and counter to get a better look in the mirror.

Everything was done with silent concentration. Her gaze was always thoughtful and serene. He wondered what she could be thinking about. Sometimes he would catch her lips moving and he knew she was speaking to herself. He wanted to know what it was she thought about on such mornings. Wondered what it was that made her tick.

On this particular day, she wore a striped blouse tucked into a black pencil skirt, her legs sheathed in black tights.

She put a lot of work into looking the way she did, but Steve could tell she was uncomfortable in the clothes. Whenever she returned home from work, she was eager to slip out of the confining outfits and into something else.

He had to admit, she looked sleek but not herself. Her attitude very much light, but always hiding some grim disappointment. He guessed that she did not like her job. They never spoke about her work. He had tried to gage the subject once, but she had merely written it off.

"It's very boring," she said, listlessly. "I don't want to bore you."

He thought it must be hard, to go out every day to do a job she never much liked. He just wanted he to be happy.

He was shaken from his thoughts when she slipped into a pair of high heels. She clack-clack-clacked across the wood floor and pulled open the shades.

"Might rain," she said to herself, but loud enough for him to hear. Reaching into the closet she pulled out her favorite plum jacket and a hound's-tooth scarf.

As she twirled the scarf around her neck she approached the bed.

"Good Morning" she whispered as she did every morning. Leaning down she brushed her lips over his forehead, only after brushing his hair out of the way.

"A beautiful morning," he said, still a tad groggy.

She blushed, smiling and lowering herself onto the bed. As if unable to stop herself, she ran her fingers through his mussed straw hair.

"I wish you could stay." He said.

"Mmm…me too." She answered, somewhat absentmindedly.

_She's thinking about work_. Steve thought, seeing her shoulders droop.

"You could call in sick." He offered.

She laughed, placing her hands on her hips with mock indignation.

"Steve Roger's! for you to even suggest such a reprehensible-"

He sat up then, slipping his arm around her waist and kissing her. He found, after that first kiss, that he quite liked kissing her. He enjoyed it immensely, actually.

Pulling away, knowing she had to leave, he settled back into bed.

"You should be getting up, too." She chastised lightly.

Stepping up, she walked around the bed and towards the door.

"I'll see you tonight." She called over her shoulder.

"Yeah," Steve said, he lay in bed a moment longer, listening as the door slammed shut.

_Damn. _He thought, staring at the ceiling. _I miss her already. _

* * *

><p>I didn't really know how to end that one. I hope you all enjoyed it! I have one other Steve chapter lined up and then I have a couple Loki ones to get out. I've just been on an obvious Steve kick as of late (If you hadn't noticed. I regret nothing!), most of my Loki writing has been for the sequel so I can't share it yet (but it's good stuff!).<p>

Again, if you all have any scenes you would like to see please let me know! All I can say is that everything I write here takes places before the Avenger's movie and Loki will not be discovering Ellie and Steve's growing bond until then.

As always, thank you so much for reading. It means a great deal to me.

BB


	33. Stars

A chapter as short and as simple as can be. Ellie and Loki go stargazing.

**Listened to: Light & Shadow by Philip Wesley. Give it a listen! It was the perfect mood-setter...**

**10. Stars. **

After days and months and weeks of floating in an abysmal state of writers block, Ellie was thankful she had finally come up with a grand idea. Of course, it was an idea that had nothing to do with her writing. Her journals still sat on her desk gathering a thin layer of dust, seeping up the failure that flowed out of her and clouded her small studio.

Hopefully, this grand idea would help rocket her out of her deep dark whole. That she was currently trapped in.

After some coercion on her part she had managed to pack up her car with every blanket she owned, Harrison, and Eric. The drive out to the desert had been a long one and Eric had been an almost insufferable wreck in the car (apparently he found automobiles to be undeveloped wastes of technology), but they had finally made it to the site where views of the predicted meteor shower would be best.

Scouting out a spot, while Eric leaned against the car sulking as only men could do, Ellie's laid out her blankets and called Eric over.

She rolled her eyes, not even a little peeved by his sour attitude. "If you didn't want to come, you could've said no."

Loki balked. The truth of it was he couldn't say no. He wanted to keep a steady eye on her. A drive out of the city and into the desert alone wasn't exactly something he thought she should be doing. Of course if he put it to her that way he had the express feeling she would turn him out or attempt to cause him physical harm.

She had brought with her some leftovers from another day of work and they snacked on them until darkness covered the valley.

Ellie was practically giddy with excitement. She had never seen a meteor shower before and she could only believe it would be more beautiful than anything she had imagined in her own mind.

Laying on her back and stretching out on the blankets, she waited hands clasped over her stomach, trying to contain herself.

Loki looked down at her and couldn't help but grin.

_All of this pestering and planning and all for a few stars in the sky. What poor mortals. They have no idea the true beauty that lies past their stars. _

Still, he shifted, laying by her side and feigning interest in the few measly stars that hung up above.

Soon enough, stars began to fall.

Ellie was entirely entranced by the sheer number. It reminded her of a stead shower of rain, slow and swift all at the same time.

"They're beautiful." She whispered to Eric, reaching out and threading her fingers through his.

"Mmm…" Loki could not see it. The constellations of Asgard and the other nine realms made these stars look as old and as dull as a rusty coin. Neglected, forgotten, and altogether depressing to look at.

"I wish I knew more about them." Ellie mused.

Loki pointed to the sky. He began to name contestations, guiding her sight with his hand. As a point, he began to show off a bit revealing constellations he knew the humans had not been able to name. Ellie listened with quiet fascination, moving her head to leaned against his shoulder so as to better follow his sight line.

"How do you know so much?" Ellie asked; a mixture of wonder and skepticism laced in her tone.

Loki ignored her questions, instead reaching out and pulling her largest wool blanket over their bodies. Harrison had made his place at Ellie's side, his large fluffy head resting on her stomach.

"Living in the city," She said. "You never see stars. I didn't until I was five. It was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen."

She paused, swept up in the memory. She could hear the swelling of the waves and taste the salty air on her lips. And the stars, her first stars, sparkling so brightly up above.

"After that, I used to lie in bed at night and wish my ceiling was the night sky. I would close my eyes and pretend to see the stars. I wished I could escape my dull, boring life and go up there. Up where the stars lived. Leave this all behind."

She sighed, and then bit her lip. She was tempted to go on, and when Eric chose not to speak she took her chance.

"I still wish that sometimes."

Ellie knew it was silly. She was a grown woman now, even though most days she still felt and small and inconsequential as a child. To have such impractical, impossible ambitions. She wished she could just move on from such childhood fantasies. But she couldn't help but entertain them when her sky was at its darkest, when the gale winds were roaring, when the .

"Maybe someday." Loki said. _Someday. _There would come a day, he imagined. When he would reveal himself to her. When he would take her away from this depressing planet. He could show her the worlds of her dreams. The ones she was too scared to believe in.

It was a surprisingly pleasant thought. There was so much he could show her. So much he could give her.

"What did you say?"

"You should never rule out anything, even the impossible. Maybe someday, you will be able to fly into the stars. You have…a beautiful mind, Ellie. It should not be wasted on the limitations of others." Loki said, speaking honestly.

Ellie was speechless. Someone like her. Someone like Eric still harbored those childhood fantasies?

She tore her eyes away from the sky to glance up at him. She smiled to herself.

_You are not alone._

Returning her eyes to the sky, she squeezed his hand. "Ah! Another shooting star!"

"I saw it. Did you, Eric?"

"No…" He said, quietly laughing at her enthusiasm.

"Well too bad then. You can't make a wish." Ellie teased. She shifted onto her elbows, raising up and shutting her eyes tightly.

_Something to wish for. A wish…_

When her wish was made, she plopped back down, wrapping her arms around Eric's arm and snuggling against him.

"What did you wish for?" Loki teased, trying to cover up his real curiosity.

"I can't tell you that. If I do, it won't come true."

Loki smiled, leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead.

"Very well."

They returned their eyes to the sky, watching the stars dancing in the dark.

_Well whadya know…_ Ellie thought smiling.

It came true.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading!<p> 


	34. Sad Souls

I can't imagine that I will actually get to 100 before May and post a fully revised version of Shiver but…I guess we'll see. Thank you for reading and reviewing! It is the best motivation. You rock. Yes, you. ;0)

Listening to: Sad Eyed Lady of the Low Lands (Bob Dylan Cover by Phoenix) & Josephine by The Wallflowers

**56. Sad Souls**

He couldn't bear to be alone sometimes. When he was alone the demons in his heart crawled out to play. Words of terrible power and malice swirled around in his head, dashing through his spirit and leaving fiery wounds, the likes of which would not heal easily.

As ferocious as he could be in denying the loss of his family, the ripping pain of being rejected by those he had loved was ever present in his heart. The very fate that should have befallen his brother, had fallen on the god of mischief.

_Oh the tender irony of it all. _Loki thought, glaring into the warm glowing sunset that was flooding Ellie's minuscule residence with rosy, tangerine light. Drudging shadows pooled on the wooden floor: the delicate shapes made by a tall glass filled with flowers Ellie had collected from her walks, a few sparsely placed picture frames, books (all precariously stacked).

_Thor brings Asgard to the brink of war and I try desperately to end it without shedding a single drop of Asgardian blood. My foolhardy brother lives quite comfortable in the folds of Asgard, surrounded by friends that exist only to worship his ground and I fall to this pitiful planet…alone. As I have always been. _

His self-hatred and tirade against the cruel fates was interrupted by a healthy, timely dose of perspective.

He could hear Ellie tramping up the stairs with all the grace of blind rhinoceros. He knew what it meant. She was always heavy-footed and careless when she suffered through a trying day of labor.

_It is true, _He mused. _I could be a member of this race. That would be a travesty most vile. _

Pushing the door open, Ellie lumbered into the apartment. She had been gone since the morning, slipping out of his arms that morning and mumbling something about working a double shift so that she could pay her rent on time.

He didn't understand why she had been so morose that morning. Now he did.

Turning his gaze away from the pink clouds billowing in the evening sky, he balked. She looked an absolute mess, more so than he had ever seen her.

Strings of frizzled hair were falling out of her ponytail. There was a multicolored stain decorating the left shoulder of her work mandated blouse. A smear of make-up was visible under her right eye causing. Loki guessed she had been sniveling in the car on her way home.

Without so much as a hello, Ellie shuffled over to her bureau. Letting her purse strap slide down her should, she hung her bag on a hook inside. She shifted her gaze to stare into the mirror that was built into the door. Her eyes gravitated towards the stain.

"Oh," She groaned. "Gross!

Quickly unbuttoning and shedding the blouse, she tossed it into the corner where a small pile of laundry had been steadily growing since the week's start. Shifting around in the deeper corners of her "closet" she pulled out a large sweater and wreslted it over her head.

When the task proved to be an unexpected challenge in light of her exhaustion, she cried out somewhat frustrated. Finally she was able to poke her head through the top hole.

She turned and stumbled forward onto her bed, collapsing on top of it. Her face buried in the comforter, she tucked her arms under her chest and groaned.

Loki, who had kept a manageable distance, knew that now was his time.

He slunk over to the bed, sitting on it. He had seen her strung up like this only once before and it had been during his days harboring a feline body.

As Eric, he knew Ellie worked to maintain a socially acceptable appearing, one that relied on keeping emotions bottled up inside.

He felt somewhat sickly satisfied by her outburst. It meant that she finally felt comfortable enough around him to act like her usual self. This pleased him, he enjoyed her somewhat odd sensibilities to the charming young woman she tried to be.

Gently touching her hair, he eased the tie from the ginger locks and ran his fingers through them, smoothing the kink that had been left behind.

"Bad day?" he asked, trying his best to sound empathetic.

He was learning much from Ellie. Empathy being first and foremost. He watched her day in and day out attempt to understand the emotions of others. For some reason she felt it important to relate to people. He found that she was the only soul worth relating to, however. His patience for humans was limited to just the one.

Ellie sighed, burying her head deeper into the blanket, trying to fight off a fresh bout of tears.

"Yesh." She mumbled.

"Well?" Loki encouraged. He had not a drop of interest in the details of her day, but he hated seeing her so upset. It wasn't at all entertaining. He knew that, if she had her chance to vent her frustrations, then she could move on from her tedious feelings.

She sighed and pulled her head up.

"I had to work a double shift because Lisa's a right dummy and messed up the schedule. There was a birthday party with tons of children who yelled and screamed thr entire time. Which meant I had to deal with complaining guests who blamed the whole thing on me. After politely asking the parents to quiet down their devil's spawn, they snapped and said they would not be leaving me a tip. So I lost out on a good load of cash. Cash I needed for gas, since I've been low for about five days now and I really think I'm pushing my luck here. Then I dropped a tray and had to pay for the plates I broke. But I didn't mean to drop it. Can't and accident just be an accident? And…and then…Then! This pricky pig asked if I would accept my tip in kisses. I mean god, he was so disgusting, I think he touched my ass, but I can't be sure because I was rushing past him. It's the 21st century! Aren't men better than that?"

"To be fair," Loki said smoothly, trying to quell some strange rage that was bubbling in his belly. "You do have a rather tempting behind."

"Eric!" Ellie bemoaned. "Not the time."

She dropped her head down again, burrowing deeper into the sheets. After some quick breaths to calm herself, she felt the waves of depression slowly slipping back.

"This wasn't how it was supposed to be." She mumbled into the sheets, hating herself for even admitting to it.

"And…?" Loki prompted. "How was it supposed to be?"

"I don't know." Ellie said, rolling over onto her back.

Loki positioned himself so he was laying astride her on his side, holding his head up in his hand. He looked down at her, placing a comforting hand on her stomach.

Her eyes flickering under his green sea gaze.

"I came out here to escape. Get away from my family and their life and their rules and their expectations…It was suffocating."

She sighed, her throat closing up at the memory of it.

"They wanted me to be something that I never was and never would be. I thought that…if I left, if I really pursued what it was I wanted for my life, for myself, and I was successful than that would show them. A big "fuck you" to them. That's was it was supposed to be."

She sniffed.

"But here I am just skirting by. Paying my rent with measly paychecks; paying everything else with tips. I've written nothing of real value, made no lasting connections…It's all been…"

"Why did you leave them?" Loki asked, his voice soft.

Ellie shook her head. "New York was…it was boring. It was phony…it wasn't me. And when I failed them, god, I felt like absolute shit. They made me feel like shit. I realized one day…that I would never be good enough for them. No matter what I did."

They stewed in silence for a moment. Ellie reliving past horrors in her head, Loki realizing that her words were flying straight to his soul.

"They were right I suppose." Ellie said, drifting further and further towards the deep end. "Maybe I'm just a fucking failure. I'll live here and wait tables until I'm as old as dirt. God…"

"Do not be fooled by shallow souls, Ellie." Loki said, leaning closer. "They know not what true greatness is."

Ellie snorted. "Greatness? Please…"

She shook her head.

"Are you saying you don't care about that stuff?" Ellie questioned. "It doesn't bother you that I'm just living here stagnant. A waitress, not by choice but by absolute necessity. That I'm…"

He stopped her, placing his finger on her lips.

"I am saying that…"

He thought about it. What was he saying? He was saying the truth.

"I accept you as you are and what you will become. There is not another soul on this planet I care about more. And I know you are destined for a better life than this."

_By my side. _He thought, chest swelling with pride. _When I come to rule. Those people who doubted who will be made to bow at your feet and worship your ground. _

Ellie smiled, positively floored by his words. She felt her dejection melting away.

Grinning, she touched her index finger to his nose, a sign of silly affection. It was enough of a thank you.

Loki felt his anger and ice began to ebb into nothing, leaving behind the remnants of the heart he thought he had long since abandoned.

He looked at her, understanding why he chose to stay. Even in such a state, she was his escape from the cold cruel reality that his life had always been. When he had before felt alone, even amongst crowds of amiable Asgardians, he felt nothing of loneliness when he was with her. All of his pain and heartache melted away.

Why did she need to be his escape? When she could be his reality.

_Another irony. Except this one is less souring. Loki, god of mischief, made happy by a mortal. A human. _

His finger left her lips and encircled her hand, pulling it away from her face. He glanced at it, how small it was. He could break it, crush it in his own. But such an idea, one that used bring a smile to his face, seemed terrible to him now. He did not want any pain to befall her. Never.

"Oh, Ellie," He sighed wistfully. "We make a curious pair, you and I."

Ellie smiled.

"Good." She whispered. "Those are the best kinds."


	35. Part of a Balanced Late Night Snack

This chapter came out of the blue while I was driving the other day. Yes, these are the things I think about when driving. It's a miracle I haven't been in an accident yet. This was also my attempt at writing a more complicated positioning scene. And by that I mean I just struggled with describing how Ellie is situated in this chapter. I hope it's not too confusing. I have all this nice little images piled up in my head and it's so difficult typing them out. Also, Steve attempting to be a little bit seductive? Yes please.

**34. Part of a Balanced Late Night Snack**

Now that he had someone to come home to, Steve had been spending less and less time in the gym. Why waste his time alone in a dank basement hideaway, when there was a lovely young lady waiting for him at home?

The gym was as much of an escape as it was an excuse for him to leave the house so that Ellie would believe his too had a job to go to. Staying late at the gym was his way of pretending he had worked the day away and then gone out for a good head clearing workout.

This time, however, he had gotten quite the workout done, and didn't arrive back in Brooklyn until minutes past midnight.

As he expected, the lights in the apartment were turned off. He was careful not to make a sound knowing Ellie must have gone to bed.

But she hadn't.

He could see that he had been wrong, the light in the kitchen was still blaring.

He walked down the darkened hallway to see what she was up to so late at night. He could see her before he entered the kitchen. She was dressed in her pajamas, red and blue flannel shorts and a navy tank top, sitting atop the small island in the rooms center. Her hair had been swept up into a bun at the top of her head, tired strings escaped the tie falling into her face. Her legs were folded under her and she was munching on a bowl of what he guessed to be cereal.

"Hey," she called in greeting, knowing it could only be him and his heavy footsteps lumbering down the hall.

He entered the kitchen, eyes alight and stood in front of her. Even sitting on the island she wasn't as tall as he.

"Dinner?" He asked grinning.

She nodded. "Mmm-Hmmm. The best sort."

She raised another spoonful in the air to show off her late night snack, before popping it into her mouth. She unfolded her legs, dropping one over the counters edge and propping the other on the island so that she could rest her arm on it. Shifting her bowl to that hand, she placed her other palm over his forehead.

"You're sweating up a storm." She noted. "Good workout?'

Steve nodded.

"You'll have to take me with you sometime." She said, reutning to her cereal.

"Really?" Steve said, taken aback.

"Sure," Ellie said. "I sort of want to see what you get up to. I mean, I don't want to intrude."

"Oh, no." Steve said. "You wouldn't be intruding."

"Good. It's a date." She said.

_How bout that? _Steve thought. _Another date. _

"Good day?" he asked. Ellie dropped her hand and picked up her spoon again.

She shook her head, wrapping her arm around her leg that was hitched up on the island, so that she could hold her bowl in both hands. "A day like all the others…Just a day."

Steve was still getting used to seeing so much of a woman's skin. Ellie cheeks, arms, collar, and much of her legs were covered in speckly freckles. He was actually quite fond of them.

She was in a funk, he could tell. He knew she found no pleasure in her job. He knew she hated getting so done up every morning. He knew she wished she could just write and be free. He stepped closer, leaning his body against the island. He ran one hand up past her knee that was draped over the edge, he bent down and kissed the bare skin of her bent knee.

Ellie blushed, pausing mid-chew. After a moment she managed to swallow her mouth full rather than choke on it. Steve straightened up again and pointed to her cereal, acting as if nothing of note had just transpired.

"It is good?"

Ellie wasn't sure what he meant at first. "Umm…is it-Oh! The cereal, not the umm…"

She shook her head, stumbling over her words.

"It's, um, very good. Here," She held up the spoon again. "Try some?"

Steve grinned and wrapped his hand around her wrist, lowering it. Leaning down again he kissed her, sliding his tongue into her mouth. Ellie dropped the spoon and it fell to the floor with a metallic clatter. She held onto the bowl though, letting her other hand slip into her damp hair.

After a moment or two [or three (okay four)] he pulled back and licked his lips. "Hmmm, cinnamon?"

Ellie only nodded, her face almost as red as her hair.

Steve blushed, suddenly very aware of what he had just done. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he rocked back and forth on his heels.

"Well, it's late." He said, none to nonchalantly. "I'm gonna go to bed. Night!"

Ellie watched him go, disappearing into the dark hallway, still sitting in a puddle of shock. Putting the unfinished bowl down, she hopped off of the counter. Leaving the kitchen to tidy itself up, she hurried after him.

_Day just got a bit better. _She thought, giddy.

* * *

><p>I know, I know. Very short. But I hope you enjoyed it! Working on more chapters right this very second! Oh, and I will most definitely be writing the "gym date" chapter. So be on the look out!<p> 


	36. Skin

This is probably a scene that should have been in Shiver. In fact, I may slip it into my rewrite.

This takes place during the events of Shiver. When Ellie and Loki are in New York.

**1. Skin**

He was lost to her again. Ellie lay tangled in the pristinely white sheets provided by the swanky hotel. Loki sat on the edge of the bed, hands clutching the sheets on either side of him, hunched over thinking.

It surprised her, how easily she could recognize what was happening. She recognized the hunch and the stillness from when she had known him as Eric. Hell, she recognized it from when she had known him as a prissy little feline.

It wasn't until now, though, that she could recognize what it meant.

He was hurting. Once again, he had locked himself away in his own mind, reliving the pain of neglect and abandonment. She knew the story now. The beautiful childhood, the disappointing young adulthood. The mother, the father, the brother. To be betrayed by such a family must have been terrible.

_He was cast out. _Ellie thought, recalling his own venomous words. _Rejected by the ones he loved and trusted. All along, the god of mischief and lies was the one being lied to. _

She couldn't deny that her heart broke for him. After what he had done she should hate him, loathe him, despise him. However, she had learned that his malice had been born from years of denial.

She could relate. Her entire life she had been trained and told to be someone else. Someone other than the person she wanted to be.

And she had listened, as Loki had. For years she worked hard to deny her instincts. For years she practice heavy self-hatred in an attempt to banish the person who lived inside and was desperate to be set free.

It seemed the pair of them had spent years living under pressures they could never truly aspire to.

_It would always be a losing battle. _She thought. _We were not meant to deny the desires of our hearts. _

With that thought pounding in her head, she pulled herself from the sheets and crawled over to him.

She knew he was more than capable of feeling her approach, but if he did he wasn't acknowledging it.

Kneeling behind him, she tucked her legs under herself and slipped her arms around his bare torso. Holding tightly to him, she pressed her forehead to his back, between his defined shoulder blades.

"Loki?" She called in whisper, not wanting to startle him.

He offered no answer. He was too far gone to even notice her embrace.

She sighed, running her hands over his chest. Pressing light, comforting kisses on the indentations of his spine she moved from the center of his back to his neck. Pushing herself back up to her knees, she rested her chin on his shoulder and tried again.

"Loki."

He stirred then, a shiver rippling through his body. His large hands found hers and encircled them.

A broken sigh, broke through the stillness. The pain of hundreds of years of torment was buried deep within him. It made Ellie angry and desperate all at once. He was god, but he had her humanity. It was small, a mere bud resting in dry soil. With her help it could blossom into something beautiful and strong.

Ellie had never felt this way before. She wanted to protect him, shield him from harm and sadness and darkness.

Revived in her conviction, she whispered:

"Can I see it?"

Loki turned his head, not understanding.

His mind was still a thick fog of memories. It didn't take very much for him to drown in them. He was always teetering on the edge of a tall cliff. One wrong step and he would fall in. Climbing out could take hours, days, ages.

Ellie lifted her own hand, taking his with him.

"Your skin." She said in a whisper. She didn't fear his response. She knew what it meant to be lost in the past, it made you lethargic and hopeless. If he was angry, he couldn't muster up the energy to act on it.

He turned to look at her then and Ellie regretted her request. His green eyes were swimming with such sadness, the likes of which she had never before witnessed.

She swallowed her own tears, knowing she had to be strong for him. She

"Oh, Loki," She cooed. "It's alright."

She knew her words had not convinced him, but he held his arm out to her anyway. Ellie watched as his alabaster skin began to change before her eyes. It was different this time. She had been paralyzed with fear, stewing in her own pain and self-pity.

Now she could truly see the transformation. A chill was building in the large room. The icy blue overtook his arm, slithering up to his shoulders and falling over his back. Ellie released him from her grip, surprised at how slick his skin was now.

He rose from the bed and turned to face her, wild shame in his scarlet eyes. He was breathing heavily, fighting to contain himself.

"Is this what you wanted." He seethed. "Here I am as I was born. My truest form. That of a monster."

_Monster. _

He was so attached to the word. But it wasn't his word. It was the word others had invented for him. One he had grown up hearing. One he accepted so quickly, because it was accepted by all others.

Ellie shook her head. "No, Loki."

She reached out and touched his hand. "You're not a monster."

"Do not lie to me." Loki growled, pulling his hand away.

"I'm not." Ellie said, matching his volume. "Come here."

Loki stood his ground, as stubborn as a scorned child.

"Loki," Ellie said, relaxing her tone. "Please, just listen to me. And sit."

She crossed her arms over her chest. Waiting.

It took some time, but he relinquished. Lowering himself next to her with rebellious sluggishness.

Ellie turned, to face him. She crossed her legs and took his hand in hers, examining it.

There were patterns etched into his skin now. They were beautiful, swirling lines, set against the blue.

Carefully, she lifted his hand to her face, against his cheek.

"You are not a monster. You don't have to be." She said, meeting his gaze. Loki felt trapped under her eye, wishing she would stop. She stared too deeply, burrowing into the sections of his soul that no other person had gleaned. He wanted her out of there, knowing that she would be disgusted by what she would find. He itched to tear his hand away and disappear.

"Skin is skin, Loki." She said. "It is not your heart. It is not your mind. It's only skin."

She sighed, a heaviness touching her words.

"I do not much care for those who make judgments on something so fragile and out of our control."

Releasing him, she touched the bare skin of her collar. "My skin is me, but I am not my skin."

Loki said nothing, he didn't understand.

This could be the last time anyone ever sees this skin. You are free to reject it, let it go." Ellie said, gently. "But you should do so, not for me, not for your family, but for you, Loki. Only you."

_No one else has the right to tell you what to be. _

Loki let her words wash over him like a flood washing through the desert. It was a desert that had not before seen the likes of water. Dry and desperate, it drank in every drop. Unsure of this new sensation, but sure enough to know it was paradise.

And so the blue skin fell away.

He felt liberated.

He felt free, as if he had shed it entirely, like a snake.

He had always known he would reject his heritage, but he hadn't truly believed it until she said it.

Ellie smiled. She leaned forward and embraced him again. He wrapped his arms around her waist, burying his head in the crook of her neck.

"Thank you." He said, feeling for the first time, that he was in the debt of another. And in his debt, he felt no shame or humiliation. He only pride, that a creature of such forgiveness had found it in her heart to accept him as he was.


	37. Here Lies

Inspired by the song Rest in the Bed by Laura Marling

**21. Here Lies**

_**There lies a man of my heart  
>A fine and complete work of art<br>Here I his woman  
>His home and his heart<br>And proud to be playing that part**_

Ellie wished her would tell her what it was he got up to whenever he left the hotel. In his absence, she was left alone with her thoughts. She would write, scribble away nonsense waiting ofr him to return.

On this day he had left her in the early morning hours. He did not return until sundown.

She had been showering, out of boredom not necessity.

She came out of her steamy daze to find him fast asleep on their bed. He had removed his coat and dress shirt, his shoes and his scarf, they had been tossed to the floor with not a single care.

_Whatever he's doing, it sure is leaving him drained. _She thought as she rubbed a towel through her dripping locks. Leaving him, she turned to the closet.

Dropping her towel she slipped into some checkered flannel pajama shorts and a peachy old sweater. Fixing herself a hot tea from what was made available to her, she returned to the bed.

Standing over him, she cocked her head to the side. She sipped at her tea, the heat of the liquid permeating through the mug and stirring her palms with a familiar, almost comforting pain.

He was now clothed only in a thin sleeveless shirt and the tailored pants he always wore. It seemed he was more exhausted than usual; he hadn't even bothered to pull the sheets over. He lay on his back, one arm at his side, the other fell over his stomach.

Ellie sighed, walking around the bed. She climbed into, leaving her tea on the nightstand, trying desperately not to disturb him. She could only imagine he was not the type to be shaken from sleep gracefully. Crossing her legs under her, she watched him.

_He is beautiful. _She thought breathless at the very sight of him. He looked so peaceful in his sleep. He chest rose and fell slowly, his breath so low she could hardly hear it.

Loki wasn't of a burly type. In fact, he was quite slim. But there was a lean-ness to him. And even though he seemed frail, seeing him in such a state of undress brought Ellie to believe that his strength was greater than she could hope to imagine.

She wasn't at all tired, but she leaned forward and shifted her body next to his. Reaching down and dragging the first sheet over thei bodies, she let it fall.

She loved how easily she fit against his towering form. She rolled to her side and rested her cheek against his shoulder. Sliding her hand down his arm she let it rest over his.

She let her eyes slip shut.

Loki's fluttered open. He knew even in his deep sleep that she was near. It was something he did not want to sleep through.

Still, he dared not move for fear of disturbing her. He gazed up at the ceiling, reveling in her presence at his side.

As he always did in these quiet times, he thought over the

He had had many a raucous relationship in his time. Bedded his fair share of blushing maiden and wanton seductress. And it had been enough for him.

But he realized he had never experienced true intimacy until he had been with Ellie. There was no rush, no roughness, no competition. They were equals in their lovemaking.

He wanted to know every inch of her body, from the turn of her elbow to the slight dip of her collar bone, from the soft flesh of her thigh to the curve of her ear.

They could spend hours in bed. And they had. So much so that he belive until they could identify each other's bodies blindfolded.

He yearned for the sound of her pleasure, he touch on his skin.

He knew what he desired now. He wanted know her and love her.

But this was a mere beginning.

He was only just beginning to understand what it meant to love another with every last vein in his body. This was a love most raw. He knew he had only touched upon the tip of an iceberg, one whose size could rival the mountains of Midgard.

The thought excited him. For now that he had regained his power, now that she knew of his origins, there was nothing that could stand between them.

They could live out their days together.

_**Rest in the bed of my bones  
>All that I want is a home<br>And all you can do  
>Is promise me bold<br>That you won't let me grow dark  
>Or cold<strong>_

_**As long as we both shall live.**_


	38. An Almost Truth

I'm having more fun writing Steve than I would have ever imagined. He and Ellie have quite a good thing going on don't they? Well, it ain't all sunshine and buttercups (nothing ever is). This chapter actually takes place _before_ Ellie moves in with Steve.

Also, to quickly clarify…There are no order for these chapters.

I apologize that these chapters have no order at all. If I was really organized, I would have still done them out of order but numbered them in some sort of order. But organization is most definitely not my middle name. I post these as ideas and inspiration come, and inspiration never comes in order.

Song I listened to: Night Terrors by Laura Marling and When It Don't Come Easy by Patti Griffin.

**9. An Almost Truth**

There were nights when Ellie worried for Steve. She had never been the lightest of sleepers, and she was roused often by his dreams.

_Or should I call them nightmares. _

Steve would jerk and moan, grumble something Ellie couldn't understand. She wished she could buoy up the courage to speak to him about the nightmares. But she knew that Steve held things very close to his chest. Even though she lived under his roof, and fell asleep by his side, she felt that intruding on his private problems was something she couldn't do.

Until one rainy night.

* * *

><p>Steve's dreams had always been the same. He could hear the shattering of bullets and the cries of the innocent. The words of the Red Skull pounding in his head. The small soft sigh that belonged to Peggy, one that could breathe the strength of one thousand armies into his soul. All of it so close, yet blurred and defiantly out of his reach.<p>

This dream, however, was different.

It took him a moment to realize where he was. The place was familiar, yes.

And then he knew.

He was in a hallway. The walls were built from sturdy bricks. There was an open door at the end, just off to the left.

Steve knew what was behind that door. Bucky. Lashed to an insidious table, waiting for god knows what.

Steve gulped, his heart in his throat. He had to get to Bucky. As quickly as he could.

He lumbered down the hallway, the sound of sirens blaring loudly in the narrow hallway.

He turned the corner, already knowing what he would find. Bucky. Alive.

Even in the dream, the relief flooded through him like fire. He would be alive. Groggy yes, dragged halfway through hell. But Bucky was stronger than all that. If anyone could pull through, it would be Bucky.

But, no.

The dream was different.

Bucky wasn't alive.

Steve stood over his friend's body. It was ravaged, blood everywhere, his eyes open, dark, and unmoving.

Dead. The life stolen out of him, in ways most painful.

Steve approached the body, unsure of what to do. He had never, in all his life, felt so helpless.

_Bucky…_

* * *

><p>Ellie stood in the bathroom, staring into her own reflection. It had been a late night for her. She was dressed to the nines after attending a party for work. After hours of skipping on intricate bite sized meals and hobnobbing with coworkers she never cared for, she had wandered home to find Steve already fast asleep.<p>

She had slipped out of her heels and slid into the bathroom to deal with her make-up and sturdy up-do. She pulled a dozen pins from her hair, letting the gently curled locks fall free and over her shoulders.

She was interrupted by a sudden rustle and loud call.

She paused. Leaning backwards she looked out into the darkness of the bedroom.

"Steve?" she called quietly.

She was met with a quiet commotion. Dropping the last of the pins into the sink, she headed out into the bedroom.

"Steve?"

In the shaft of light that eked from the bathroom, Ellie could see that something was wrong. Steve was thrashing, tangled in the sheets. His forehead glistened as perspiration leaked from his brow. His face was contorted in what could only be pain. Ellie was almost used to his fits but this was something different.

She felt panic welling in her chest.

"Steve!" She called louder, trying to rouse him.

But calling to him had never worked in the past. Instead, she sat herself down on the bed and reached out to place comforting hand on his shoulder.

He was sweating, his care skin slick and hot, Ellie wondered if he was ill. Steve stilled at her touch, but for only a small second.

The next moment came so quickly Ellie could not hope to process it. Steve roared with a ferocity she had never heard before and the next thing she knew she was splayed out on the ground, her shoulder having rammed hard into the dresser that stood by the bathroom door.

In the throes of his night terrors, he had lashed out at her.

Ellie cried out, the pain in her shoulder sudden and hard She had known that he was strong, but the force of his blow was more than she could have ever imagined.

"El? What's wrong-what?"

It seemed her cry had been enough to tear him from the dream. From her crumpled spot on the floor she gazed up at him. He was sitting up now, holding his head and looking quite confused.

He was searching for her in the dark, looking every which way until he found her kneeling, crumpled on the floor clutching her shoulder.

His mind was a fog. He had seen Bucky's body, covered in blood and then he thought someone was trying to pull him away. So he…

Realization smacked into him like a train. It was a dream. He had been dreaming. And Ellie-

Looking down at her he began to piece together what had happened.

"Oh, god." Steve said, understanding what it was he had done. "Ellie, I-"

"It's okay." Ellie said, quickly as she clumsily staggered to her feet. She clutched her shoulder, trying to numb the pain that only increased with every move she made.

_I must've bruised it. _She thought. _I did hit the ground pretty hard. _

Steve swung his feet over the edge of the bed, intent on going to her. However, he was so overcome with guilt that he could only bring himself to moan. Holding his head in his hands, he was paralyzed as self-loathing swept over him in a wave.

"Dammit." He said. "I could have really…you were just. This was a bad idea. You shouldn't be here."

He was mumbling to himself. Hating himself for bringing her here. His darkest demons had been right. There was no place in this world for him. For him to believe he had a chance to live a normal life…

_I'm such a fool. _

"Hey!" Ellie said, she lunged forward, forcing her way into his lap to get his attention.

"Steve, it wasn't your fault. You were long gone, you didn't mean to-"

He didn't want to listen to her excuses. It wasn't fair. No one should be making excuses for him. What he had done, cognizant of it or not was entirely unforgivable.

Placing his hands on her waist, he lifted her up and sat her down on the bed next to him, as if he were only lifting a gently puffed pillow.

Ellie, still surprised by the ease of his strength, stumbled over her words. Before she could finish her babbling Steve stood and began to pace in front of her.

He could apologize until the world's end, kneel before her and beg for forgiveness. He knew she would gladly give it, but it wouldn't be enough.

Steeling himself, he spoke"

"Ellie," he said, running his fingers through his hair "There's something I have to tell you. About me."

Ellie straightened. "Yes?"

Steve felt his breath leave his body. He couldn't. But he had to. How could he say it?

He paused. If he said it, the weight would be lifted. He could stop lying; stop pretending that he was just a hazy headed historian with his mind stuck in a past he hadn't lived. But if he told her the truth, everything would change. She would look at him differently.

He looked down at her, looked into her dark eyes.

And he knew he couldn't do it. He wanted nothing to change. He wanted her to know him as she did.

_But I can't just. _

An almost truth. It was all he could do.

"Before I met you, I was…" He started again. "I was…in the army."

There. He had done it. One sentence. One truth. A small truth set free from his heart. HE felt a stone drop, a gate shattered. Somewhere inside of him, something relaxed and fell away.

"You're a veteran?" Ellie said. "In the war."

Steve just nodded. _The war. A war yes. The same as the war. In her mind at least. _

"So that's why you have those dreams?" Ellie asked, almost relieved. It was a plausible reason. One she could willingly accept.

"Oh, Steve," She breathed, reaching for his hand. But he pulled away from her.

"No there's, there's no excuse for my actions. " Steve said. "Maybe this is…wrong. You shouldn't be here. If this is how I'll-It's just I can't live with these dreams anymore. The things that I saw, Ellie, the things that I did…"

He was falling back into the hallway. Walking down it again. Imagining Bucky's broken down, body. His head swirled.

Ellie stood then, wrapped a tender arm around his waist and guided him back to the bed. With a firm hand she forced him down.

"Lie down, Steve." She whispered steadily. Steve complied, too lost to fight her.

Ellie scurried into the bathroom shed her clothes and slipped into a shift and quickly climbed into bed.

Steve lay on his back, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, muttering.

Ellie slipped onto her side and lay next to him.

"Steve," she called quietly. She ran her fingers through his hair, cradling his head against her chest. "I need you to listen to me."

Steve stopped his muttering and looked up at her.

Ellie's heart fell to pieces. She no longer saw the man she admired. The one who held her close at nights, held doors open for her, and taught her how to throw a mighty punch. She saw a boy, broken and tired and scared.

"Steve. You have to know…you are a good man." She cooed, wanting nothing more than to fight off his demons. "The greatest that I've ever known."

Steve shook his head, but Ellie shushed him.

"No I mean that. I do." She said, she cuddled closer to him, placing a kiss on his head. "You are the sweetest, most gentle…Steve please believe me. You are a good man."

Steve looked at her, the words of Dr. Erskine echoing in his head. He could almost feel the mans fingers touching his chest, issuing his last wish.

"I think, Steve, I've known you long enough to say that."

Steve shut his eyes as more images attacked him. Ellie held tightly to him, shushing his silent cries.

"I'm here, Steve." She whispered, gently laying her hand on his chest over his heart. "I'm here."

Steve tried to focus in on her voice, tried to feel nothing but her touch.

Soon his vision began to blur, the sounds of gunfire and the cries of the damned were deafened. He listened only to her voice, repeating the words.

It was enough. It was more than enough.

* * *

><p>As always, thank you for reading and I would love to hear from you!<p>

Much Love,

BB


	39. Deep

Another fluffy chapter. What can I say? I'm a sucker for fluff. No regrets!

**26. Deep**

She hated to watch him go. And she disliked how much she hated it.

_What exactly is wrong with me? _She thought, as she observed him pulling himself together. He was oddly meticulous in his dress. Currently, he was doing his best to arrange he scarf in a presentable way.

Which meant he was leaving again.

_Why do I care? _Ellie thought, curled up in a chair. _He brought you here more or less against your will. He's lied to you this whole time. He's a god from another world. _

All of that was true. But he was still Eric. Still the cat. After her initial shock over the revelations concerning her almost lover she had realized that, though the his name and race had changed in her mind, he was still the same. Still vain, still clever beyond measure, still roguish, still secretive…

_Still maddeningly handsome. _She thought, feeling her face flush.

She watched as Loki savored one last glance in large mirror that hund in the narrow hallway to the let of the door. As he had every day so far that week, he woke in the morning and left. Whatever sort of business he was carrying on with, he never spoke of it.

Without a thought she pulled herself from the chair, scurrying over and catching his hand in hers.

Loki, who was entirely poised to go, he foot already out the door, stopped. He had forgotten she was a awake and she had successfully snuck up on him.

_Only one other person has ever managed such a feat. _

Ellie's face flushed. She knew what she wanted to say and now she had his attention. But she was embarrassed. Steeling herself, she sucked in a deep breath.

"Please, just…" She began, fluttering quietly over the words. "Stay for a while longer…"

Loki felt a small swelling in his chest. He was confounded.

_All the mortal has to do is speak to me in that small voice, or pin me down with those dark eyes and what happens to me? Even I do not know…_

He felt something akin to guilt and something new that he couldn't name.

Whatever it was, this something new, it made him want to stay.

Smiling, he stepped back into the threshold, pulling her hand up and pressing his lips to her knuckles.

"If you wish it."

She smiled out of pure surprise and Loki felt the swelling in his heart expand close to bursting. She slumped backwards, pulling him along with her.

He shed his tailored coat and fell into the chair she had been occupying.

Ellie stood before him, cocking her head to one side to give him a good once over. He was sitting as he always did, arms stretched over the arms of the chair, his legs out before him. He was looking up at her an expecting glimmer in his green eyes.

_God, _Ellie thought, biting down hard on her lip. _He makes every chair look like throne. So why's it so damned…sexy. _

She stood before him, suddenly altogether unsure of herself. Her hands were clasped behind her back and she nervously rubbed her left leg with her right foot.

She would be lying if she said that Loki didn't intimidate her to quivering little pieces. His physical intimidation was due entirely to his great height and eyes so dark and deep they put wells to shame. But his mental intimidation far outweighed that over his exterior. He could unravel her in a second just by whispered a few carefully chosen words in her ear. She loved it, lived for the thrill of it, and despised it all at once.

And why was that? They had spent so much time together now. Ellie knew that she was closer to him than she had been to any other soul that came before him. And yet…

_Oh…_

She suddenly realized that Loki knew not what it was to be needed. Neither had she really, until he had fallen from the sky in the form of a feline. She had known he needed her now, in these quiet moments, as he lived with demons she could only imagine. Maybe he wouldn't in the future but now…he needed her.

And she needed him. She found immense comfort in his presence, more so now than ever before. He made her smile, and laugh, no man had really made her laugh before. She felt important under his gaze, she felt wanted, she felt free.

Loki needed to learn. He needed to know. He was a shadowy independent god, yes. This she knew. He relied only on himself even when help. He didn't know he needed her. He didn't realize she needed him. So she would show him what it meant to be needed. What it meant to belong in the arms of another.

She lowered herself into his lap, throwing her legs over the arm of the chair and nuzzling her head into her neck. Her arms encircled his neck and she squeezed him tightly, inhaling his lovely scents; feeling the sharp turn of his collar bone.

"I miss you when you leave," she whispered into his chest. "And I like it when you stay."

Loki listened to her words. He repeated them in his head, over and over again. He frowned for a moment, hesitant to believe her. Was she playing a trick on him? No, not a soul in the nine realms could successfully trick the trickster. And not a soul who knew of him would even dare to dream it.

So she meant it?

_Yes, _He concluded. _She means it. _

Slowly, he wrapped one arm round her shoulder. His other hand came to rest on her bare leg, his thumb gently moving up and down the curve of her knee. Reaching down he pressed his lips to her hair line.

They sat together for a passing moment, clinging to one another.

Drawing his fingers together, he lightly teasing the rough skin of her knee. His finger were so long and swift, they skirted over her skin like spiders. She giggled, trying to kick him away.

"Come on now. Don't-Loki! It tickles, stop!" She tried to sound stern, but a giggle broke through her failed façade. She could hear his breathy laugh in her ear, and her face turned redder. She rested her chin on her shoulder hugging him tighter. She could feel his large hand, running circles over her back. She breathed deeply, melting in his embrace.

She had so many questions. She wondered why he was here. Why he fell to earth in the first place. How had he misplaced his powers…

And now that they were returning to him, why did he stay? She feared that every time he left her, he would never return. She felt awfully silly getting so worked up. She was like one of those dogs that believed their owners would never return. But she was no loyal pet. Still, she worried.

It was why she couldn't bear to ask him. She was so afraid that if she brought it up he would leave. Just like that. Fall out of her life as effortlessly as he had fallen into it. And she didn't want that.

"My sweet girl," he said, pulling her from her thoughts. "Never did I believe I would find a creature like you."

"Mmm." Ellie said in agreement, she pulled back so that she could look him in the eye.

It was the first time (of many times) she would be tempted to say it. That she loved him.

"I…"

_Don't Ellie. Just don't. You can't possibly…_

What did she know of love? And to love someone like this. Someone not of this world; it was laughable. She had been raised to believe that love was a commercial creation. It wasn't real. You could find partnership in life, of course, but love was an escapist fantasy. One that ought not be pursued if one wishes to be happy and fulfilled. She could see the truth in it. The greatest love stories were never ones of happy endings. They were always fraught with sadness, desolation, despair, even hatred.

But what she was feeling for Loki, what she felt whenever she saw him, whnever she knew he saw her…it almost seemed worth it. Her heart thrummed in her veins whenever he was near or whenever he touched her thoughts. It was a tender feelings, that made her happy and joyous and warm all at once. She could feel it, taste it, smell, see it and breath it.

But she knew…

It was better if she kept it to herself. For now.

So instead she said.

"I like your nose."

Her heart clenched at the stupidity of it. But she had to play along with her own silly game. She touched the tip of her finger to his nose, hoping her playfulness would be enough to distract from her mediocre distraction.

She didn't care if he thought her silly. She was silly every once and while. So was he. The god of mischief.

He smiled. And kissed her.

His hand travelled from her back, lower and lower. She rose upwards, straddling his lap and taking his face in her hands. Their lips didn't dare part.

Hitching his legs under her thighs he held tightly as he rose from the chair. Ellie held tightly to him, even though she knew he would never let her go.

Taking only a few steps forward, Loki dipped down letting her fall onto the unmade bed. He leaned over her, releasing his grip on her legs, and tangling his finger in her hair. Ellie gripped his tie, pulling him closer.

And then, just as a longing whine left her throat, he pulled away.

"I must be off, Ellie." He said, a knowing glint in his eye.

Ellie flushed, beyond frustrated.

"You damned bastard." She spat, brushing her hair back and crossing her legs. She smiled, though, oddly fond of his teasing ways.

Loki laughed, tousling her hair. He snatched his coat from the floor and rearranged it on his lithe form.

"Good day, darling." He called as the door slid shut behind him.

Ellie waited a second or so and then slunk over to the window. Drawing back the thick curtain she waited for him to appear from under the awning below.

AS she watched him slither through the early morning crowds, she breathed a sigh.

"You're in too deep, Ellie." She said to herself. "In too deep."

* * *

><p>As always, thank you for reading!<p> 


	40. Everyday Hero

A little bit of Ellie and Steve. Always good for the warm, fuzzy soul. ;o)

**64. Everyday Hero**

They enjoyed walking together. Thought nether would admit to the reasons why. If they had, they would be comforted in knowing that they were the same.

Firstly, they just loved holding each other's hands. It was as simple as that. Her were small and soft. His were large and somewhat calloused.

Secondly, and quite selfishly, they liked showing each other off. You see, Steve had decided that Ellie was quite cute. With a shock of red hair, a smattering of sweet freckles, and her grin, he knew that other men should count themselves jealous. And Ellie could see that woman stopped to stare at Steve. With his neat kept style and charming smile, he was a living magnet for women both single and taken.

It was a healthy boost for both egos. Not that they would ever admit to it.

One lazy Sunday afternoon they had gone on particularly long walk. As the day came to a close, they were on their way back home, chatting about the history of the Second World War. It was, after all, Steve's specialty as a historian. While Ellie knew that some parts of the discussion were difficult for him, there were other times he would just light up. Just like now. He was explaining the exploits of a group of soldiers known as The Howling Commandos.

She smiled when he pulled their clasped hands in the air, quire entranced in his own story.

_It's as if he's there himself. Living it. _She thought, grinning.

"Some people said it was a bit camp, a group of soldiers going around promoting the allegiance of the nations…but it did get the job done. As long as people have something to believe in-" He stopped. Ellie was looking past his shoulder, her brow furrowed.

He stopped walking and looked down at her questioningly. She stopped as well, her eyes fixed on something in the alley way. He followed her gaze and frowned.

A commotion roused the shadows, stealing their stillness and revealing something more sinister. They could see a group of young boys huddled together. While they were too far away to pick up the bulk of the conversation, words and phrases slipped out from the alleyway.

"You little bitch. Whadya think would happen?"

"Just go away….Please."

Boisterous laughter followed and the group of boys, looking more like a sluggish creature in the shadows, swelled.

"Just go away." Another voice mocked. "That all you got, you little…"

Ellie frowned. She hated bullies. Slipping her hand from Steve's she stalked into the alley.

Steve called out after her.

"Hey!" She yelled.

The group of boys jumped and turned. They were a burly set of young men and they seemed less than impressed with Ellie's slight form.

"Beat it, lady." One of the said. Ellie peered past his shoulder and saw a much smaller boy, huddled on the ground, shaking.

"Just what are you doing?" Ellie said. She stepped forward, intent and whisking the poor boy away.

But the other boys blocked her path.

"This ain't none of your business, _lady_. So why don't you waddle off?"

"Now that's no way to talk to a lady." Steve said, appearing by Ellie's side.

The boys eyes, which had been sparkling with sick joy, turned to shock at the sight of towering Steve. If he had looked a little less like a well-done historian, they may have scattered right then. But instead, once they had gotten over the sheer size of him, they returned to snorts of derision.

"Hey pal, why don't you take your girl and mind you own damn business." The largest boy said, throwing the couple a finger or two.

Ellie huffed. Steve placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Allow me." He said. He brushed past her and rounded on the boys.

These young men were just like all the rest. If there was one thing Steve had learned about bullies, it was that they scared easily. Puffing his chest out he placed one hand on the leader's shoulder and lifted him off the ground as easily as he could lift a dandelion.

A ruckus abounded with boys cursing and yammering not quite sure what to do. The largest, now a mere doll in Steve's grip, was flabbergasted, his mouth opening and shutting like a stunned guppy. Steve merely walked out of the alley and dropped him to the ground, as if he were taking out the trash.

He returned to the other boys, sporting a looked that quite clearly said…Next?

It seemed none of them were interested. The skittered away like frightened squirrels, not even bothering to help their fallen comrade from his spot of the sidewalk.

Steve smiled, and turned back to the kid.

Ellie knelt beside him. She had pulled her scarf from her neck and was rubbing a dribble of blood from the boys face.

"Are you alright?" She said, quietly.

The boy just nodded, sniveling and rubbing at his eyes.

Ellie gripped his arms and helped him to his feet. She looked up at Steve, her eyes fluttering with worry.

Steve nodded behind him. Ellie, picking up on the hint, gently let the shivering kid loose and walked out into the street.

Steve kneeled down. "You okay, kid?"

The kid shook his head. "No. They'll just get me at school tomorrow. And the next day and the next. Like always."

Steve placed his hand on the boys shoulder. "Want some advice?"

The kid only sniffed, looking pretty dejected.

"A trashcan lid makes for a good shield."

The kid thought it through and nodded. "Thanks."

Steve smiled. He walked by the kids side and into the street.

The little boy, looked up at Ellie. "Thanks, miss."

"You be careful!" Ellie called, watching the little boy weave in between the crowds.

Ellie smiled. "What did you tell him?"

"Just a bit of advice. Man to man." Steve said, holding out his arm to her.

"Man to man." Ellie repeated.

Steve nodded. "Yeah, just some stuff that helped me when I was a skinny little tike."

Ellie laughed. "You? A skinny little tike? I don't believe it."

"It's true!" Steve said, flushing.

Ellie scoffed, playfully. "Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it."

They walked on.

_Maybe someday…_Steve thought.

* * *

><p>Really short and quick.<p>

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!


	41. Play

I have no excuses for this chapter. Not that I think you will mind. Mostly me, sorting through some thoughts. Certainly, not my best work, I know.

A Loki/Ellie mini sort of chapter.

I wasn't sure what to title it and then I thought…eh? What the hell…

**90. Fucked**

He was always, always in control.

Not that she minded.

She didn't mind at all. Not at all.

Before she had met him, Ellie had found sex to be rather boring. She soon learned that it was not sex that bored her, but the partners she had chosen. They were the boring ones. Humans, at least the humans she had known were about as inspired as wonder bread and just as exciting.

At first she had been frightened by him. By his ferocity, by his need control. But she soon learned that there was nothing at all for her to fear.

It was ironic, yes she knew. For her to find such euphoric freedom under his hand. But was the truth. A truth she lived for.

He played her from the start. Always. He was a musician, one who knew all the keys and chords before ever touching the instrument. It was a symphony, completely complex and beautiful.

She was like a doll in his skillful hands and she didn't mind at all.

His magic was not restricted either. His favorite game was to challenge her. Blind her temporarily with his magic and whisper impossible challenges into her ear. _Don't move…Don't make a sound…_

And then he would commence in doing everything in his power to ensure she would lose. His fingers raked over her body, tempting her skin. His touch was never gentle in these times, but urgent and powerful. It made her stomach twist into knots and cause her heart to flutter like a trapped butterfly. His lips would ravish her, focusing on the areas he knew would incite the most electrifying sensations. His words would taunt her ears, calling out lovely, pet, darling, or little one.

And when, after all her trying, she failed to meet his challenge, he would pull away. It was his greatest pleasure: dragging her to edge of insanity and holding her there, watching her writhe and wither. She was like a puppet, with him holding the strings.

But god, how she loved it. And she knew what he expected. As she teetered on the very brink she would be forced to relent to him. But doing so brought such sweetness from him, she thought her heart would melt under its splendor. Plunging into her, he lavished her with all the attentions he could muster alone.

"You've ruined me." She said one night, trying to collect her shattered wits. She lay on her back, her body slick with sweat, looking up into the cold green eyes. They danced much like a snake's, one that was well and truly coiled around its latest meal.

"Maybe so," He whispered, his voice a bit hoarse. He touched her face, bearing over her protectively. "Do you hate me for it, pet?"

He was teasing again. God, she loved it when he teased.

She grinned. "Obviously not."

He laughed, his breath cool against her feverish skin. He pressed his lips to her temple.

"Shall we go again?"

She sneered, not above teasing herself.

"As you wish, my lord."

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed!<p> 


	42. Cheers

Ellie's birthday, Steve's version. I wanted to explore more of Ellie's character and how she had Steve relate to each other. Because I don't think eve Steve and Ellie really understand it.

**26. Cheers**

_She's late. _Steve thought, standing by the window and peering out the blinds.

He did try not to worry. Whenever he did, she could always spot it in his eyes. She would teasingly roll her eyes back and gently chastise him. It seemed modern woman were not keen on being fretted over. It seemed he had been right in labeling Peggy a modern woman. She hadn't cared for being worried over either. But Steve could hardly help himself. He had lost many friends in his many days. And he was terrified at the thought of losing anyone else.

It didn't help his wandering mind that the street of Brooklyn had changed from the days of his childhood. It had never been the most pristine of places, but a new shadow hung over the dank city buildings. The desolation seemed magnified to the soldier lost in time.

He was grateful Ellie could rely on her sister's town car, but it was far past due.

He turned away from the window pushing the thoughts of slippery loners and gun toting gangsters out of his head. Collapsing onto the couch, he thought of turning to the television, which was always set to the Classic movie channel. But then he heard a faint rumbling outside.

He stood and raced to catch the door. Sure enough there stood Ellie.

"Hey there," he said, trying his best to sound unsuspecting.

She looked up at him, harrowed.

"Hey there," she repeated, her voice strained and tired. The rusty orange sweater she had worn that day was slung over her shoulder. Leaving her in a high-waisted black skirt and white-and-black striped sleeveless top. It was a rather stuffy New York Summer day.

She shuffled past him into the apartment. "Would mind grabbing the spirits?" she called over her shoulder.

_Spirits? _Steve thought, wondering what modern colloquialism he was misunderstanding this time. He looked down to find to plastic bags covering what could only be six packs. Steve stared down at the bottles wondering how she had gotten them up the stairs.

He picked them up he followed her into the kitchen. He must have been staring for a while longer than he imagined, as Ellie already had the time to shed her work attire and slip into a pair of cotton shorts and a large, thin t-shirt. She was rummaging through the freezer looking for the minty ice creams she had purchased the day before.

"Bad day?" Steve questioned, placing the bad on the island. The bottles clinked together, practically calling to be cracked opened and drained of their contents.

"You could say that." Ellie said, pulling the carton out and slamming it to the counter. "Ice cream?"

Steve only nodded.

* * *

><p>At Ellie's persistent request and Steve's hesitant expectance, the pair had opened the window and climbed out onto the fire escape. With a bowl of ice cream in one hand and two icy ales clutched in her other hand, Ellie had slipped out in the midst of Steve's emphatic protesting. Stepping down two of the steps she sat herself down. The night was well established but the heat was so heavy, she could sit above the street lights, barely clad and still be comfortable.<p>

"Humor me, Steve." She said. "I've been thinking about this all the day long."

Steve still disgruntled, followed. He sat in the window, just a few steps above her. Cracking open his beer, he sipped it. Though he couldn't revel in a state of drunken bliss, the bitter, root taste brought him warm memories.

"Do you know what today is?" Ellie said, in between bites of ice cream.

"Thursday?" Steve said.

"Well, yes." Ellie said. "It's also my birthday."

"Your birthday?" Steve repeated. "And you didn't tell me? We could've been celebrating."

Ellie smiled at Steve's distress. He was quite adorable when put out.

"No, no." Ellie said, discarding her empty bowl and picking up her first beer. "This is just right. I celebrated last year and…well…"

She slipped into the memory. Her humiliating life-related distresses had gotten the better of her. But more importantly, she had been with _him. _

"Not very memorable?" Steve guessed, remembering back to some of Bucky's half-baked birthday schemes.

"Oh no," Ellie said, clutching her bottle with both hands. "It was memorable. Only the wrong sort of memorable."

They sat in relative silence, the sounds of music-pumping cars and chattering pedestrians floating up from the sidewalk four floors below.

"How old are you anyway, Steve?" Ellie asked, curious.

_How old am I? _Steve thought. _Technically, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. _

"25." He said.

"Hm. I'm 24 today. Jesus. When did that happen?" Ellie said, finishing off her ice cream.

"You want to know what I got as a present every year?" Ellie said.

She rolled her head back to look at Steve who nodded.

"Money." Ellie blabbed. She lifted the bottle to her lips and let another burning sip slip down her throat. Only when she felt the liquid slid down and pool in her belly did she continue.

"One dollar for every year." Her voice was a mixture of bitterness and child-like wistfulness, as if the thought of the gift brought her some odd pleasure. "Given for the sole purpose of investing in stocks."

"I think my parents meant it to be a game, but I was never very skilled at playing. I always chose companies with names that appealed to me, or companies I knew worked in publishing or served creative purposes."

She took another swig and turning, she her leaned against the twisty iron guard rail. "Catherine was a pro from day one. She and my father would stay up late discussing the opportunities, running reports, and then rejoicing over the results. Every year she made money off of her investments. Once she made enough to by herself a car…and a driver. Richard. The very same driver she has now. I think she was ten when she pulled that one off."

Ellie knew she was rambling but she just couldn't stop herself. Before she had known it, she had finished off the first bottle. So it was on to the next.

"I never found the same joy in it…I guess I just wasn't cutthroat enough to make it."

She sighed then, a familiar wave of self-loathing sweeping over her. _Well, hey, _she thought to herself. _At least it's getting your mind off of him. Pick your wine, pick your poison. _

She hiccupped then. Her cheeks reddening, she slapping a hand over her mouth. "Excuse me."

Steve just smiled. He liked listening to her voice. Even when she was obviously reliving some blue thoughts, the sound of it comforted him.

"My dad always asked me why I picked such unorthodox companies. Even though every year I always lost more money than I could ever hope to gain. Faith, I said. I have faith. You know what he said?"

Steve shook his head.

"They said, Ellie, faith is for fools. We're not fools, so we don't have faith."

The words hung in the air as Ellie downed the remains of her second bottle.

"I minded it then, they made me feel foolish. But I don't mind it anymore, because…"

She paused. _Why because?_

"Because…" She slurred. "It wasn't until very recently that I realized faith was more important. More important than my family. And I knew that…I wanted to be a fool. If it meant having faith. Does that make sense?

_Of course it does. _Steve thought instantly. Just as he had been told all his life to give up, Ellie had been told to change. What if the pair have them had chosen to listen to the naysayers? Where would they be?

_I'd be old. Old or dead. Probably dead. _Steve thought. _And she'd be miserable. _

Steve took up his bottle and raised it to the air.

"Here's to the fools." He said.

Ellie looked at him and smiled.

"Here's indeed." They reached towards each other, their empty bottles clinking together. The sound rang out, to them, much more loudly than it actually was.

"You have work in the morning. We should head to bed."

Ellie groaned, her mind a bit fuzzy and feeling fancy free. "Okay dad."

Steve just grinned, offering his hand so she could use it as an anchor as she stumbled up the narrow stairs and slid back through the window.

Before her foot could touch the floor, she felt herself swept up and into Steve's arms. She squeaked in protest, but the sound was lost as his lips pressed into hers. It was a gentles kiss, as Steve's always tended to be, but it was long and lingering this time. Ellie's hand, still clutching her two empty bottles went to his face, she dropped them in a second and they clatter to the rug with a pinging clunk.

Steve pulled away. He was grinned and Ellie felt her sad, sad heart alight at the sight of it. Steve's smile was enough to brighten the darkest depths of the ocean.

Sitting safely in his strong, well-muscled arms, she felt very much like a snow-skinned, rosy-lipped maiden that had just been rescued by the daring and dashing knight. It wasn't a fantasy she had ever dreamed of as a child, in fact she had laughed at the girls who did. But to experience it now, boy it was a thrill of a ride.

"Happy Birthday." Steve whispered.

Ellie grinned and sing-songed the end of the song her family refused to sing. "Happy Birthday to me."

* * *

><p>AN: I wanted their to be small slivers of parallels between the first birthday and this one. Ellie's birthday gets her down again, our couple turns to spirits, it ends with some unexpected romance…and I'm rambling.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

BB


	43. Linger

One week to go, guys! A week from now, I will be posting the Prologue for the sequel to Shiver! So be on the lookout for Heroes & Thieves.

A quick little chapter about the scars that are slow to heal.

"_**Woke up, wished that I was dead, with and aching in my head, I lay motionless in bed. Thought of you, and where you'd gone. And the world spins madly on." **_–The Weepies

**41. Linger**

When days went this badly, a walk was always in order.

With Ellie's Ipod buried deep in the pocket of her favorite plum jacket, it's buds snuggled in her ears, she shut out the world.

She had hours of soothing instrumental's and comforting, yet haunting tunes to keep her company. Sliding her finger over the small machine's controls, she coaxed the volume louder and louder. But nothing could drown it out. She could flood out the raging traffic, the babble of passers-by, but not the thoughts that had been plaguing her since the time she had awoken.

How long had it been?

Since she had thought about him…

A week maybe? Maybe longer…She couldn't remember it.

She didn't know what had sparked the onslaught.

All she knew was that ever since that morning, she couldn't shake him away.

* * *

><p>It was the first thing that came into her mind that morning. She had awoken, pleased to find that she had slept through the night quite comfortably again. And then…<p>

The memory flew into her like a train through a dark tunnel. It's light was blaring and blinding, the sound of its arrival shrill and piercing.

His last words. _I will return to you._

Her eyes snapped open and she stared at the dark wood ceiling. It took her a while to remember where she was. Clutching the warm, flannel sheets to her chest, she found her breath again.

But the voice had yet to stop. It came to her in whispered frenzies, growing softer and softer with each passing second. But though their clarity fell away, their power did not. Each word, a breezy kiss on her minds eyes, left her feeling dizzy and blissful.

_My sweet girl, my darling girl…_

She could hear it all. The lilting tones, his ancient language, even the condescension and familiar teases.

And with sound came sight. Her eyes slipped shut to find his visage before her.

His eyes, poised like snakes, bright and sparkling. She could lie still and be devoured in his gaze.

Gulping she ran her tongue over her lips, trying to remember the taste and the smell of him. It was faint, and growing fainter with each passing day. But in the early morning hours, she could swipe at the essence she had gone so long without. It was closer than it had been in a long time…

_God. _She thought, _I miss him. I miss him. _

And then, as quickly as she had slipped into her reverie, she was dropped out of it.

Her eyes fluttered open again and she remembered where she was.

Lying in bed, next to Steve.

* * *

><p>Slipping away from Steve had been easy. He was lost to a deep sleep, as most people were come Sunday mornings. Sleep had been coming much easier to him as well. His nightmares were becoming less frequent, and he seemed much more well rested. She would have hated disturbing him.<p>

However, what was meant to be a quick walk around the block for some coffee and much needed decompressing, soon became anything but quick.

Ellie shook her head again, skipping over a quieter song. Her usual distractions were powerless it seemed, under the chaotic competition they were met with.

She walked faster as the memories shone more clearly in her head. It wasn't just his eyes anymore. It was his artfully sculpted stature, that damned smile of his…everything flashed before her in waves.

Until…

"I love you."

She stopped walking. A man behind her careened into her, but she hardly noticed him.

_He never said that Ellie. _Her head reported. _Never. You're making it up. I love you. He never…_

"Ellie, I love you."

But, god, did the words sound beautiful when played in his voice.

_I love you, I love you, I love you…_

She cursed herself, almost crushing the coffee cup in her hand. She had been doing so well, she had gone so long without wasting a thought on him. She had been contented. Shaking her head again she tried to flush it out. Let it go. Set it free. Demolish every lovely feeling that sat uninvited in her gut.

_He's gone. _Her head spat, chastising her foolish, foolish heart. _He lied. He's not coming back. _

_No he's not. _Her heart spoke then. Quietly, serenely, unabashedly. _Because he never really left did he? You never really let him go, did you?_

Ellie looked up into the gray sky, the truth of her own words catching in her throat.

_You never really let him go. _

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading. BB<p> 


	44. Lost & Found

Loki is still in the guise of Eric in this chapter. Something I thought about when writing Shiver, but the scene never seemed to fit.

**11. Lost & Found. **

_Yes. This was a good idea. Good idea, Elli._

The blues had set in strong that week. With less hours at the restaurant, an oddly grumpy canine companion, and no sign of Eric, Ellie had decided that a lonely walk was in order.

Since meeting Eric, the man she was beginning to consider her muse, her head and been buzzing with ideas. They kept her up during the night and kept her distracted during the day.

Having managed to scratch out most of the good ideas, she needed to clear her head. Push all the bad out of her head and into the open air.

She lived far enough away from the City of Angels to find good hiking trails. Having spent her whole life in the city, she had never known the joys of the outdoors. Not like this.

She stood atop a treeless hill, the hike up had left her breathless. But it was worth it.

Turning she could gaze upon the city. Above it lay a murky layer of polluted dust, brown and thick. But here by the mountains edge, the air was cleaner. The sky was grey, not a speck of blue to be seen, but it was not cold. Not yet. The day was close to its end.

She turned her gaze back to the mountain side. Small schools of snow white clouds were peering into the grooves in the mountain side. It was as if they were drawn closer, in awe of the sturdy grandeur set below them.

She shut her eyes, breathing in the stillness. Her head ceased it's buzzing, the useless words retreating into the darker recesses of her mind. She was left only with peace.

Peace was not something she usually gravitated towards. Peace was dull, peace meant a lack of inspiration. She was at her best when her mind was cluttered and her hand was aching from scribbling the hours away. But every so often a bout of peace was necessary. She didn't want to go mad, after all.

She stood on the hillside for some time. Longer than she had meant to.

When she opened her eyes again, darkness was already seeping from the horizon's edge. She undid the not that held her sweater around her waist and slipped it over her head. A slight shiver ran through her veins and she stumbled down the hillside, back into the oak laden forest.

* * *

><p>"Oh. Damn." Ellie said allowed. Not even ten minutes had past, but in the shadows of the wizened trees, she knew it to be true. She was lost.<p>

Without the light, the trails had become strangers to her. She realized she had wandered down the wrong dusty road.

She stood under a tree, where a trashcan had been haplessly chained around its base. A crude, but welcomed sign of human tracks.

_At least I'm not too far gone. _She thought, a little comfort in a steadily worsening moment.

While sunsets were slow, darkness traveled quickly. With clouded skies, there was not a blink of light to help guide her in the right direction.

_Well, standing still won't help me. Neither will my bar-less, useless phone._

Wrapping her arms around herself, she ventured in the direction where the dark seemed less glaring.

However, after several more minutes of aimless walking, se began to feel worry creep into her bones. She was clueless to the sorts of creatures that roamed these hills, clueless as to what would happen if she couldn't find her way out.

The cold wasn't terrible, not yet anyway. The sound of her boots scraping against the dust, crunching fallen leaves and scuffing tree roots grew louder and louder.

And then there was that damned imagination of hers. Visions of feral coyotes, prowling mountain lions, even lumbering bears bombarded her already tired mind.

_I can see it now. _She thought, her heart hammering in her throat. _Local girl found maimed by trail head. After three days, the body has been found. Not a friend to speak of. Alone. Death by bear. _

Elli was so wrapped up in her grim thoughts, she failed to notice the dip in the hill before her. Her footfalls faltered under the sudden change and she tumbled down the small hill, landing in a trickling stream that, on a rainier day, would have been a rushing little river.

Her head spun, but she wa pulled from her confusion by an ominous sound.

A sickening crack. That of a twig or stick being snapped under the weight of something much more substantial than a rodent.

Scrambling to her feet, Ellie twirled around trying to locate the source of the noise.

She could see, on the hill above her some looming figure.

_Oh god, this is it. Death. Death by…by…_

She realized to late that the figure was far too tall and lean to be an animal.

"Elizabeth?" A familiar voice called.

"Eric?" ellie called back, wondering if she was hallucinating.

A sudden light pierced through the darkness. Ellie blinked.

She could hear a sigh of significant relief. "Found you."

"Eric?" She repeated, flummoxed. "How did you-"

"I came around." Eric said, fluidly stepping closer and offering her his hand. "I figured you must have gone out. I did have a time tracking you down."

"Oh." Ellie said, lamely. She felt embarrassed. A grown woman getting lost like that.

"I'm glad I found you. It's dangerous, getting lost in these woods."

"I wasn't lost!" Ellie said, indignant. Of course she had been. But Eric didn't have to know it.

She regretted it instantly. Even in the din, she could feel Eric's knowing smirk. "Oh?"

Ellie tried to shake away his obvious amusement.

"Of course not." She said, flippantly. "I-I knew exactly where I was. In fact, if you had a map on you I could point it out in a flat second."

Loki expelled a breathy laugh. _Such a stubborn little thing. _

"Ah,' he said, "But you couldn't find your way back."

"That doesn't mean I was lost." Ellie said, unwilling to lose this game. "Lost means not knowing where you were. I knew where I was."

"Lost, dear Ellie," Loki said, taking her hand and leading her in the opposite direction. "Means not being able to travel form one point to another. In this case, from this very spot to your car."

Ellie knew he was right. She knew all too well. But she downright refused to give the man the satisfaction of being right.

"Hmph." She sniffed, "It seems as though you and I have different definitions of lost."

"It does seem that way." Loki said, still not the least bit perturbed. He in fact, found her haughty stubbornness endlessly entertaining. "Mine the correct definition. Yours conveniently construed."

If not for the darkness, Loki could have fallen dead under the intensity of Ellie's pointed glare.

"Please," He said, maddeningly amiable. "Take my hand, let me lead you home."

Ellie could hardly see him in the dark, but there was some hidden weight in his words.

_Let me lead you home. _

It wasn't until that moment that she thought of her small little studio as a home. Home, to her, had always been clean, sweeping New York City apartments. He studio was merely a temporary place of residence.

At least, that's what it had been.

It wasn't until Eric that she believed the space could be considered a home.

Reaching into the darkness, her hand found his. It was icy, and she wondered how cold she really was.

Pulling his hand towards her, she guided his arm over her shoulders.

They began their trek out of the forest. A strange silence flowed between them. Ellie fought her pride knowing what it was she had yet to say.

"You came looking for me." She said aloud, though it wasn't a question.

Loki looked down at her. "I did."

Ellie felt her cheeks redden. Someone had come for her. Someone cared.

"Thank you." She mumbled, her humiliation mixing poorly with her honest gratitude.

"You are very welcome." Loki said.

Elli slid her hand form his and wound her arms around his slight torso.

"No, I mean it." She said, her voice heavy. "Thank you."

Loki was confused. "For what, darling?"

"Just…" Ellie began, but decided against it. "Just, Thanks."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading! I really do appreciate it. :o)<p> 


	45. Gym

And here it is, as promised. Steve and Ellie take a trip to the gym, sexual frustration ensues.

**32. The Importance of Being Fit. **

_Hoo-boy, Ellie. What did you get yourself into?_

From her perch atop of a standing shelving unit which housed various weights, Ellie had a perfect view. She leaned against on the square pillars that lined the shelves leaning into it. Twenty minutes into watching Steve, she realized she was clinging to the column as if letting go would mean her death.

_This isn't why you came here. You came here to…Why did you come here? To support him. Yes. That's it. You wanted to…Oh, who are you kidding. This is not…and look at yourself. Ogling. Ogling innocent Steve. You're a pervert Ellie…_

As crude as it was it was the only word that seemed to fit. She was, after all, staring mouth agape as Steve beat the ever living out of a leather bound punching bag. Instead of admiring his frankly surprising gift for athletic prowess, she was really just gazing at the shape of his chest. And arms. And surprising firm but-

_Ellie. Stop it. Stop. It. _

For the third time in ten minutes, she crossed and uncrossed her legs. The fidgeting had started the moment Steve had slipped out of his leather jacket and began to wind tape around his large hands.

It had only gotten worse from there. First there was the stretching. Then the boxing. Then the jump rope. And now back to the boxing.

_It's not fair. _Ellie thought, remembering to close her mouth. _He can't just…do that. Be all-_

Her train of thought was broken, when she realized that Steve was approaching her. Panicking, Ellie looked around and grabbed a towel that was resting on the shelf next to her. She managed a wry smile as she handed it over to him.

"Are you feeling alright?" Steve said, running the towel over his head.

"Hmm?" Ellie said, internally admonishing herself for not paying more attention.

"You keep biting your lip. And you look a little faint. You feeling sick?" Steve said.

_Oh, Steve. _Ellie thought, itching to smile. Sometimes she forgot just how naïve it was. She never said anything about it. The truth was she adored it and she worried that, if she mentioned it, he would get flustered and apologize. _Wait. God, has he been looking at me? When was he…__**when you were drooling over his nicely shaped bu-**_

"No!" Ellie said, far too loudly. "No, I'm not-it's not that I'm sick it's just…" She waved her hand in the air and instantly regretted it.

_It's just…that white t-shirt of your is really tight and now it's soaked with sweat and it's just giving me some feelings._

Instead of speaking she acted. It was a moment of disembodiment. She could see her hand moving closer and closer to his _very_ defined chest and even though her mind screamed a meek protest she couldn't stop herself. Her hand pressed lightly over his heart for only a moment before she was able to compose herself and pull away.

"Oh! I'm, um, there was maybe a spot." Ellie mumbled, her cheeks turning as red as her hair.

Steve, flustered at first grinned, an old memory sparking in his brain. Maybe the best and the worst day of his fractured life.

"It's alright." He said, playfully patting her head. "Happens more than you'd think."

What Steve meant as an air-clearing joke was anything. It took him too many seconds to realize what his words implied.

Ellie's face fell, and she couldn't hide her sudden dejection. She instantly felt silly, for always assuming that Steve had little experience with anything romantic. She felt even sillier knowing she wasn't something special in his eyes. And how could have been so naïve...he was a handsome, sweet, noble sort of guy.

_Of course it happens all the time, Ellie._

"Oh, does it?" She said, now even more embarrassed by how much she cared.

"N-no!" Steve said, hands in the air. "Not all the time. I didn't mean. Once, just one other…and even then I-"

He stopped, taking a moment to breath. "El, it's not-"

Ellie shook her head, placing her hands on his shoulders. "No, I'm sorry. That was-um…"

_Oh damn it. _She thought. _His shoulders are so…so…_

Ellie laughed, realizing how ridiculous this all was, and her mood instantly brightened. "Steve, it's okay. There's nothing you need to say."

An idea sparked in Steve's head, but her fretted over it.

_Come on, Steve. _He thought. _You've battled HYDRA Agents in snowy forests, stared down the bullets of guns. You can handle a little flirting, surely. _

Gulping, he steeled himself. "Good."

"Cause I've some moves I'd like to show you."

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading. This is me, your harrowed author, being a damned tease again. Of course, it's not to say Steve actually had some *cough* *cough* moves. We all know Steve has no moves. He's working on them though.<p> 


	46. Terrible Love

Another Steve/Ellie chapter. But also and Steve/Peggy & Ellie/Loki chapter.

**71. Terrible Love**

In the end, they had each other to hold onto.

Before, they had been confined to beds alone, which then felt more like coffins. Prisons they were forced to frequent every day. They lay awake in the dark, left to their thoughts, the demons that burrowed deep into their hearts.

Forgotten loves that were never really forgotten. Gone though they were, their spirits lingered, haunting the pair like shadows. They only grew in the light.

Clinging like that, as they did in those days, was killing them.

So they denied sleep. It was much too hard. The demons were much to strong.

He walked, wandered around a city and a home he no longer understood. The lights were too many and too harsh. The cars were too fast and too quiet. No one met his gaze, no one smiled, no one noticed. Surrounded by hundreds and yet he felt as though he were lost at sea. Drifting between the waves.

She paced, round and round her room. Reading through old books she had long since finished. Scratching out words she despised onto wasted pages. Nothing came to her anymore. Nothing of consequence. The silence in her room was stifling. It's emptiness swallowing her whole.

This went on for some time. Until her pacing brought her out of her room and his wandering brought him straight to her.

Soon, the sea did not seem so vast. There was a light, a lantern, bobbing in the swell. Suddenly her room wasn't so empty. There was a bell, calling her back from the hole in her heart.

With time and with tenderness, they closed the distance between them. And the space of the sea, the walls of the room, shrank to nothing. And they were together.

Sleep. Finally came.

The man who slept for years, found himself sleeping again. The woman who never slept, found herself lost in the deep.

In those times they clung to each other.

Peace. Stillness. Comfort.

And dreams.

They did not know they dreamed, for the dreams would leave as soon as cognition returned to them in with the morning light.

It was a kindness Lady Fate had blessed them with. For if they knew the truth of their dreams…he would return to his sea, and she to her room.

He dreamed of the woman he could never have. Though she still lived, she had seen years that he could only read of. She had lived a full life, and he was just beginning again. She had found a new love. And he had only just found his life.

But still Peggy was there. Her rosy-lipped smile. The faint smell of leather and gunpowder. Her voice was still a warm whisper on his mind. He dreamed of what his life could have been. The end of a war. The celebration of a life continued, uninterrupted. He dreamed of the pitfalls and the joys. He dreamed of white laced weddings and children and loyal pets. He dreamed his mother's dreams. The ones she had worked for. A family. Together. Undivided. The greatest force to be reckoned with. He dreamed of a life well lived.

She dreamed of the man who had deceived her. Loki. The god of mischief. The pariah. She could see his lithe frame stand before her, calling her into dark tunnels, where intrigue and danger ran rampant. She dreamed of his laughter, slick and exciting. She dreamed of his eyes, his magic, his prowess. The feeling of his skin, his desire, his love. She dreamed of worlds she could not see, the worlds he told her of. She dreamed of the stars he could show her, the sky she always wished for. A life unchained.

These dreams they dreamed, they were spun like spider's webs delicate, difficult to see, and trappings for the weak.

How blissful they were. Dreams of love. Love so great that it was best left to dreams.

When the sun would come to rise, when they would wake, the dreams would fizzle. They would fade into the deeper recesses of their allotted hearts. For they had no place in reality.

They would wake to find each other and be contented. For he was lost without her. And she was lonely without him.

They understood little about each other. They lied to each other. They knew nothing about one another.

But they had each other all the same.

And it was enough.

To keep the demons at bay.


	47. Strictly Business

No excuses for this chapter. I just can't be stopped. I'm toying with the idea that somehow Catherine is wooed to work with SHEILD in a very minor capacity. Something to do with her business. This is a little prelude to that I suppose. This chapter takes place after Loki has left, but before Steve returns.

It's not really complete. It's just something I wanted to try. Thanks for reading!

**23. Strictly Business**

Ever since finishing her schooling, Ellie had been hard pressed to give up her Saturday morning ritual. It involved waking up early and settling into a comfortable space to read. This Saturday was no different.

While others would waste their morning sleeping the sun away, Ellie would waste it with words.

This sunny Saturday was no different. She was curled up on the couch, the latest best-seller resting on her lap, a cup of steaming tea in her clutches, when her sister came stumbling through the door.

Dropping her keys into the sleek decorative plate to her left, Catherine stormed into the living room and plopped into her favorite chair, kicking off her nude heels. Gone was the usual air of decorum and status. Catherine's slate gray skirt was hiked up her thighs, she had undone her tie and she was draped over the chair such a way that Ellie thought she might have been looking at an entirely different person. One that only very slightly resembled the person she knew as her sister. For Ellie, this was a scene (one of many) that could only lead to the world's end. That is to say, it was an impossibility so bizarre it could only be a sign of the coming Apocalypse. To make matters worse…

Catherine opened her mouth. "What a dick."

Ellie choked on her tea. "Excuse me?"

Her sister was known for her sharp tongue, but her brand of insults was always strategically veiled and lacked any truly crass or common rhetoric. As Ellie surveyed her sister's crumpled form, she noticed something out of place.

"Is that…?" she started, pointing at Catherine's frayed bun. "Is that a tiny pink cocktail umbrella stuck in your hair?"

Catherine's hand flew to her hair, searching blindly for the alien object. She found it and growled cattily, pulling it out and crumpling it in her hand.

The umbrella, Catherine's odd state of undress, Ellie's curiosity was terribly peaked.

"I thought you had a conference, about a possible grant and expansion." Ellie asked, trying to sound ignorant and innocent.

Whether her pretense worked or not she would never know. Catherine seemed too annoyed to bother.

"I did."

"Yesterday." Ellie tried to confirm.

Catherine stood up again and shuffled into the kitchen, brushing stray hairs out of her face. "It was scheduled for yesterday."

"And you're just getting back now?" Ellie asked. "It's almost noon. On a Saturday."

Catherine wasn't paying attention. She was scrolling through messages on her phone. She held it close to her face and the tiny LCD light only magnified the dark circles under her eyes.

"Well, when you're scheduled to meet with Tony Stark, anything can happen." Catherine said grimly.

Ellie grinned, understanding. "You had a meeting with Tony Stark?"

Catherine only nodded, her eyes lost to some unpleasant memory.

Ellie could only imagine the encounter. Tony Stark was everything the Crane family despised.

He was brash and loud, inappropriate. However thanks to extensive media coverage and unending public interest, there wasn't a soul on the planet who didn't know who Tony Stark was. The Crane family believed he was an absolute embarrassment to the finessed world of business. He spent his money without a care and often pushed the shoulder of responsibility to his assistant. When the Ieon AMn incident had been released publicly, Ellie's family had scoffed with all the derision of their ancestors.

"Pathetic." "How Strange." "What an absolute waste of a good name." "Whatever happened to that Obadiah Stain?"

Iron Man aside, Tony Stark was one of those characters. Ellie was sure that, even if the man tried, he would never be able to avoid the spotlight. It fascinated her. How someone so brilliant could be so blaze at the same time. He was a character waiting to be written.

"To make matters worse, we didn't even get around to signing contracts." Catherine said, rounding up her tail. "I have to meet with him again on Monday."

Ellie perked up. "Can I come?"

Catherine eyed her sister as if she were crazy. "Of course not. You can't be there."

"Why not?"

This time a ghost of a smile passed over Catherine's lips. "Because you're not needed. And I know what you would do."

Ellie seemed confused. "What would I do?"

"Fawn over him." Catherine said, almost teasing. "Since you love him so much."

"Oh please. I just don't want to pass up an opportunity to meet the great Tony Stark."

"That's exactly what I mean, Elizabeth." Catherine said, sternly. "That man is the last person on the planet who needs his bloating ego pampered. And I know you. You'd pamper it to kingdom come."

"I wouldn't encourage him. I would only be there as your moral support."

If Catherine was prone to bursts of laughter she would have laughed then. She merely sniffed and walked out of the room.

"I need a shower."

* * *

><p>Ellie spent the rest of her weekend trying to weasel her way into the meeting. It turned out, it wasn't as difficult a task as she had first thought.<p>

Long ago, Ellie had thought it wise to make friends with her sister's assistant, Elise. Elise was a bright girl, clever and resourceful. It was the only reason Catherine had hired her. Elise was the sort of girl Catherine could not relate to.

She was a bit to spritely and enjoyed social situations beyond the business sorts.

It took several outings to several clubs Ellie had no business being in, but she managed to secure a friendship with her golden ticket.

All it took was a phone call, a quick chat, a compliment or three and Ellie managed to get a ticket on Catherine's next flight to California.

* * *

><p>"You bribed her." Catherine said again.<p>

"That I did." Ellie whispered, trying and failing to conceal her absolute joy. It wasn't every day she managed to trick her sister.

"With Cosmos." Catherine said, seething.

"And concert tickets. And a spa day. I was quite nice." Ellie said.

"Quite a lot of money for you to dole out. Just to meet you idol." Catherine said.

She meant it as an insult, Ellie knew. But it was a poor one at its best.

"He's not my idol. He's Iron Man." Ellie said. "People have certainly doled out more than me to get in a room with Iron Man."

Catherine scoffed. "You're not coming in that room."

"Oh yes, I am."

"I'll stop you."

"And cause I scene?" Ellie sneered. "You would never…"

The sisters sat in the back of a lavish black car, on their way to the meeting that could make or break Catherine's career. The grant money Stark Industries could supply her company with was substantial. If Catherine could only hold the man's attention long enough to sign the papers.

"Face it, Catherine." Ellie said, purposefully over-extenuating her sisters name. "You need me."

"I don't need anyone."

Ellie sighed, frustration beginning to boil in her veins. As much as she wanted to meet the great Tony Stark, she also wanted to prove her worth. This was one of the rare situation where her sister was up the creek.

"You do." Ellie said. "You're not dealing with a businessman, Catherine. You're dealing with Tony Stark. And you're going to have to do more than flaunt your figures at him.

Catherine sneered. "Are you suggesting I flaunt your figures?"

_So, that's how we'll play it. _Ellie thought, practically feeling her sister's knife twisting in her gut.

"Let me put it in a different way." Ellie said, her animosity laced in her peppy voice. "I'm in this car, Catherine. We're approximately ten minutes from Stark's beachside mansion. So whether you accept it or not, I'm a part of this meeting. I can make you, or break you. It's up to you."

Ellie felt a familiar sick pleasure pulse through her veins as what little color touched Catherine's face drained away.

"I am sorry." Catherine said. A pathetically forced apology if Ellie had ever heard one.

"I didn't ask for your apology." Ellie snapped, her trap set.

* * *

><p>"There she is." The very great (and very late) Tony Stark said, jovially clapping Catherine's shoulder as if he were greeting an old friend. "And as usual looking as lovely as death warmed over…how are you, Cat?"<p>

_It was worth the Cosmos already. _Ellie thought, watching Catherine try to contain her grimace.

"I have asked you to call me Ms. Crane, Mr.-"

"Ah, yes, sticking to the formalities." Stark interrupted, he turned to glance at his assistant, Pepper. "Death warmed over indeed."

Ellie had managed to contain herself the first time, but hearing it again was too much. She snorted, earning herself a livid glare from Catherine.

"And who's this? You know I hear red-headed assistants are the best of the bunch. It seems you're in agreement with me, Ms. Cat."

"Oh, I'm not her assistant." Ellie said, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "I'm her sister."

"No you're not." Tony Stark said. "I don't believe that for a damned second."

Ellie laughed. "Neither do I, sir, but it is the unbearable truth."

Finding a more amiable guest in Ellie, Tony smiled. "I like this one."

He turned to Catherine, pointing at Ellie over his shoulder. "You should send her to your business, _Ms. Crane_."

Turning back to Ellie, he made sweeping motion with his hand. "Can I offer you a drink?"

Ellie nodded. "You most certainly can."

Ellie followed Tony Stark and his assistant. Stopping right before passing Catherine, she winked.

"Come one, Cat." She teased. "Keep up."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading!<p> 


	48. Close Enough

The last Steve/Ellie chapter! Thank you all so much for reading. Really, thank you so much.

**17. Close Enough**

Before joining the army, Steve had harbored a great dislike for any sort of routine. He found them dull. He found them imprisoning. But now, 70 years in the future, he had grown to love the routine he had created with Ellie.

She would returned home from work, a plastic wrapped dinner of some sort in her hands. They would eat together and talk together. Then they would settle into the large leather sofa and watch an old movie or new television show, depending on the day. After that, they would settle into bed. Ellie would read or scribble in her journal, and Steve would lay by her side, waiting for her sign that it was time to tuck in.

It was a simple way to spend weeknights, but he enjoyed it. They were steadily making their way through movies he had yet to see. He would ask questions throughout and Ellie would be happy to answer. She would lay her head in his lap or cuddle up against his shoulder, her arms wrapped tightly around his. He couldn't ask for anything more. Her closeness was enough.

He pondered these thoughts as he watched her. They had both changed into pajamas and climbed into bed. Steve lay on his back, his arms bent back behind his head, looking up at her. Ellie, her back resting against the cherry wood headboard, her knees tucked up to her chest, was lost in her words. Her eyes were squinted sharply, her nose just a breath away from the pages she wrote on.

Grinning, he considered, again, how he came to be here. With his own Brooklyn apartment, a beautiful dame of a girl sleeping in his bed.

_What would Bucky think?_

Realizing he had just handed the key to the floodgates over to one of the demons that still roamed his hearts corridors, he rose up onto his elbows. Leaning over her pressed his lips to Ellie's cheek.

She jumped a bit, not suspecting it. Turning to look at him she smiled.

"What was that for?" she said, her voice light and airy. She giggled. It was enough to push the dark thoughts away.

Steve shrugged. "I just wanted to, I guess."

"Oh." Ellie said, pleased and flushed. "Okay."

She turned back to her journal.

Steve wasn't quite sure what to do next. So he licked his lips. He could taste her.

And, in a moment of sparkling confusion, he realized he wanted more.

Sitting up, he let his inhibitions (the ones that reprimanded him at every turn) and slid his arm around her shoulder. Her let his instinct lead him. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to her bare shoulder.

He heard her expel a small surprised breath and it only lured him closer. His lips traced her collar bone and then descended to her neck. Slow and chaste, he placed feather light kisses on her freckled skin. Drinking in her taste and her smell like a sweet nectar.

Ellie squeaked, slipping away. "W-what are you doing?"

She looked at him and balked. There in his eyes was something she hadn't seen before. His desire. It was faint, distant somehow, but beautiful all the same.

"I'm so…sorry." Steve started. "I-"

"No," Ellie said, too quickly. "I mean…I didn't say…stop."

A glimmer of understanding flickered in their eyes. It was all that needed to be said.

Ellie's journal and pen, slipped from her hands and fell to the wood floor. She slid down the headboard and Steve rolled over her, straddling her waist. They locked eyes for just a moment and then Steve dived down.

His lips caught hers and he kissed her, far deeper than he had ever kissed another woman. A great lion was roaring in his chest, egging him on. He could feel Ellie's hands on his face, they moved past his cheeks and to his hair.

He could hear her sigh, her chest pressing into his. He groaned.

His lips pulled away from her and fell to her neck once more. She moaned and for one fretful second he wondered if he had caused her harm. However, her arms only circled his neck and pulled him closer.

"Steve." She called, her voice light.

He shifted his weight, his hand leaving her waist and travelling lower. He wasn't quite sure what it was he was doing, he only knew that it felt right. Placing his hand on her thigh, he slowly moved it upwards. The feeling of her bare skin, still warm from her shower, caused his heart to shudder and ache. His fingers slid under the fabric of her shorts when-

It was as if a bell had been shattered. The sound of it, a sound they could not hear, broke through their concentration. They froze, suddenly all too aware of what they were doing.

Steve straightened and rolled over onto his back by Ellie's side. They lay in the stuffy silence, breathing heavily. The pair stared at the ceiling, replaying the moment's events in their heads.

Ellie's head was rushing, pounding, aching. Everything had happened so fast.

Steve's face turned red and he felt the need to jump out the window.

"I am-" he began, wondering what his mother would have had to say.

"Don't" Ellie interrupted. She grabbed his hand, lacing her fingers with his. Rolling onto her side, she snuggled against him, her head resting on his chest.

Steve sighed, reveling in the feeling of her body pressed against his.

"It's alright." Ellie said, understanding.

Whatever they had, whatever this was, it was good enough.

For now.

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><p>Thank you for reading!<p> 


	49. Something Wicked This Way Comes

The last chapter of 50 Little Lies. But don't fret! For tomorrow comes the sequel to Shiver. No movie spoilers, I haven't seen the movie. Just a prelude.

It's only fitting that we end with Loki, see what he's been getting up to. I'm going to make an author's decision and say that a year as passed since Loki left Ellie. Let's say that, for our purposes, Ellie spends about a year and three months with Loki in all his forms (cat, Eric, and his own) and about a year with Steve. Of course for Loki, being an immortal god, a year is not a significant amount of time. Something that will come into play when he returns. My babbling aside…here is the last little lie.

Based on a suggestion by a reader!

**50. Something Wicked This Way Comes**

Here in the negative space there was a distinct absence of light. He had, admittedly, travelled deeper into the realms of darkness than he had intended. Here there was only silence and shadow and ice. It was a wonder any creature managed to live in such a lifeless realm.

In Asgard, little was known about these lands. As a child, Loki had only heard whispers. Whispers of creatures most terrible. Deemed the unworthy, they had, all of them, been banished the darkest realms of Yggdrasil. He often imagined what secrets the negative realms held. His dreams were plagued by thoughts of the forbidden space. He dreamed of conquering them with his brother. Loki and Thor, they would be kings before their time. The exalted ones, the ones who had defeated the monsters.

But fate had a different plan for Loki. He was not the leader his boyhood self had dreamed of. He was, in fact, one of the monsters.

_Perhaps this is my place_. Loki had once thought, his spirit crumbling after a particularly vicious run-in with a lone beast. He had been wandering in the lost lands, searching for the power he needed, the power he had always craved. He was met with opposition, with scorn, the sort of prejudice he had come to expect. Word of his failures had travelled swiftly through the realms. It was a story he would enjoy, had it belonged to another. A great prince. Son of the All father. His reputation sullied by the truth of his origins. He was to inherit a kingdom, the kingdom he had been raised to despise. His honor mangled. His heart broken. Broken by the very ones meant to mend it.

The irony of it coursed through his veins with laughable vigor. His accursed life, no an infamous tale told throughout the nine realms.

_My place to belong. Is it here? Possibly. There is nothing else for me._

But of course there was. There was Ellie. His first love. His only love.

Her distance from him was insurmountable and therefore unbearable. _God_, he missed her. He thought of her often. To go so long without her touch, her smile, her breath was to wander with a powerful thirst; wander through a well, bone dry and empty. But her vision stayed strong in his mind's heart. She was like a flaming beacon. Every so often the beacon would fade, flicker in the powerful storms that haunted him. But never did she disappear.

He wanted her with him. But such desolate realms were no place for a mortal. He knew then and he knew now that she could have never joined him in his quest for power. Her life was too fragile. And he would not cope with the idea that he would be the one to bring about her end.

He thought about abandoning his quest and returning to her. To live out the rest of his days.

But she was resident of Midgard. Of earth. It was not a world he wished to associate himself with.

_Unless…_

Why had he not realized it before? Earth was a broken kingdom. Diseased, disassembled, disgusting. A world so wrapped up in its own self-induced chaos, it was on the brink of crumbling.

_Those foolish mortals will tear themselves to pieces_

They were so primitive, so weak, so ripe for the taking.

He could take it. Mold it into a realm worthy of his reign. If he could gather the means, it could be done.

There would be, of course, obstacles. But they were few and, from what he understood, easily corruptible.

The more he toyed with the idea, the more life flowed into him.

Yes, this had been his purpose all along. He could be more than an heir. More than a leader whose power was handed over as a blood right.

Loki, the god of mischief. Loki, the destroyer. Loki, the almighty conqueror.

It was all meant to be.

He had been pulled down to earth for a reason. It was a land of promise and potential. Soon the warring peoples would be united under his hand. His hand, that would bring a deciding end to their pointless squabbling. He knew, he had _seen_. There was not a mortal among them worthy of rule. They needed him. And they would have him.

_And I have her_.

Ellie, the catalyst. He could take her, make her into something more. Something she was made to be.

_No longer would she need to slave in the most menial of positions. It was all so very beneath her_. He thought, disgusted by the very idea of his love playing servant to any soul.

There was no other soul he would rather have at his side. In her he could see the potential. She was a clever woman, in possession of an inner strength she had yet to understand.

She, like he, had spent a good deal of her life being told that her instincts were wrong. The pair of them had spent years surpassing their spirits in order to please those who would never be pleased. They would always be disappointments.

But not anymore.

So it was with a renewed heart, that Loki began to set his plan in motion.

(BREAK)

"You will have your army, Asgardian." The same slithering voice croaked, his yellowed eyes glowing like fresh embers. "If you bring us what we desire."

"Then the deal is done." Loki replied, his voice as smooth as silk.

Loki, the god of mischief, now feared amongst the darkest of realms.

Loki, the bringer of chaos.

Soon, he would have his kingdom.

And his Queen.

(BREAK)

And with that, 50 Little Lies is complete!

I was experimenting with a more (what I would call) artful style. Please do tell me if it's too much. I don't know how to gage these things. There is such a fine line between good writing and ridiculous writing. And I'm always anxious to improve.

Also! The poll: Loki vs. Steve aka who should Ellie end up with in the end? I posted it months ago and when responses came in, they were mostly in Loki's favor. So I challenged myself to raise Steve's numbers. Which I managed to do. 130 people voted!

**The results were:** Loki: 66% Steve: 34%

I can honestly say that I myself cannot answer the question. I love both Loki/Ellie and Steve/Ellie. I adore them both actually. After months and months of thought and reflection, I was able to plot out the entirety of the sequel. The stage is set.

So, to answer the question…who will Ellie end up with? Well, you'll just have to read Heroes & Thieves (coming quite soon!) to find out.

BB


	50. Winter Song

Had I more time and infinite hours to write, I would pump out fluff like this on a daily basis. This little piece takes place during Shiver, sometime between Loki and Ellie's transition to New York and the time that Loki leaves. So, for the sake of clear context, Ellie knows very well who Loki is and they are past the point of animosity. Enough of my talk, onto the (somewhat amorous) fluff.

* * *

><p>Winter Song<p>

* * *

><p>She had missed the winter most of all. While California had sun and shade, palm trees and truly wicked summer days, it was simply lacking without a proper winter. Now that she found herself back in New York City, only a few days past the official beginning of winter, Ellie felt at ease.<p>

It had taken a hasty (and altogether forced) removal for Ellie to realize that California just wasn't the place for her.

She was too content to be upset that over a year's worth of slaving and struggling had all been for naught. Moving from the safety of the city had become a failed experiment that left Ellie exactly where she had been before making the decision in the first place.

She was, sadly enough, exactly where she had been before she had left. Without a home she could call her own and no clear path set out before her. What had started as a mystery of exciting prospects and dreams had become a haze too thick to navigate properly.

She was well and truly lost.

However, even now faced with such a daunting thought, Ellie couldn't bring herself to care. The early, icy winter morning was far too serene for her to be bothered by her pathetically non-existent prosperity.

It was the tempting chilly wind, slinking through a crack in the hotel window that had roused Ellie in the birth of morning. There were too many things on her mind for her to fall to sleep again. So she slipped silently from bed, donned her thickest and most favorite coat and descended into the winter morn.

Air like ice flushed her freckled cheeks and played at her hair with welcoming gusts. Few people dared to step into the streets at this time. The early goers would flee from their steps into the joyous heat of taxis and chaffered cars. Stores still bore protective iron gates and only a few light still flickered, mimicking the exhaustion of those who had stayed up late enough to benefit from their glow.

Stuffing her gloved hands deep into the lined pockets of her plum coat, Ellie watched with a faint thrill as smoke billowed from her mouth and circled into the slate gray sky. She walked from the hotel down two empty blocks, until she found herself at the entrance to Central Park.

She continued her trek, ready to bask in the snow lined pathways and stripped trees as she had so many times in the past. Like the wispy clouds that emanated from her lips, Ellie's thoughts wandered upwards.

Specifically to the, undeniably sexy god still lying asleep in the hotel room.

In her bed.

Stopping completely, Ellie leaned against a tree. She was thankful for it's support so that she could collect herself.

Ellie knees quaked, reflecting past anticipation and she felt a wondrous warmth spread from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. Visions from the night's ardent escapades were fresh in her mind. She shut her eyes tightly, a groan tickling her throat as she relieved them.

She paid no mind to the possibility that someone could catch her, she was after all, quite alone-

"Good Morning."

Ellie's heart shivered for a moment, but she knew who had greeted her before opening her eyes. Still, her breath was stolen away at the sight of him.

Loki looked positively dashing clad in a long black trench coat. His hound's-tooth scarf was wrapped delicately around his neck and his hands were shielded from the cold by sleek, coal black leather gloves.

As it was with Loki, this stranger of a man who turned out to be so much more, Ellie wasn't sure what to do or what to say.

"Have I...interrupted something?" He asked. His smile was as knowing as it was cruel. She didn't know how he did it, but there were times when he just knew. Ellie wasn't intimidated by this however, if anything it only goaded her curiosity further.

"How did you find me?" Ellie bit her lip to withhold the flirtatious smile that was just begging to be released.

He didn't answer; he only stepped forward until Ellie's back was forced against the tree. Even over all her layers, she could feel the rough bark pressing jaggedly against her.

Loki' smile grew all the more dangerous. "I have my ways."

Knowing it would irk him, Ellie rolled her eyes as if unimpressed. He instincts betrayed her however and she smiled.

"I figured as much," she said, managing at least to keep her voice bored and unenthused.

Loki ignored her, admonishing her with a stern glance.

"I would prefer you not leave without my knowledge."

"Why?" Ellie bit back, all manner of lightness sucked from her. She did not like be told what to do.

Loki was undeterred. He simply tutted and grinned like a cat. "Must I remind you what happened last time you ventured out on your own?"

Ellie was not amused. "I'm going to stop you right there."

However, before Ellie could hope to make her point clear, Loki leaned in and kissed her.

It had been an easy way to avoid another heated argument, but Loki could not deny the pleasurable feel of her lips against his. It was oddly delectable and he didn't want to stop.

Ellie, her mission a mere petal in the breeze, closed her eyes and reached for his scarf. Grabbing a handful, she pulled him closer.

Like strings stitching their lips together, they could deny the tugging need to keep together. After quite some time, Loki pulled away, his hand catching Ellie chin as she moved to catch his lips again. He forced it to the side and his lips grazed her ear.

"I could take you right now." he said, in an achingly slow whisper. His voice was heavy with lust and Ellie felt as though she would waste away to a puddle. "You think you know the limits of my pleasure? You are wrong."

His words became more hushed and Ellie felt a horridly strong blush she was tickled at the very idea of it, but more surprised by the realization that she wasn't more disgusted by the idea than she probably should have been.

Ellie fought her way from his gripped and kissed him again.

"You could try." She whispered.

Laughing, Loki took her hand and pulled Ellie from the tree and back to the trail. Ellie had to hop to match his step, but once she did she pressed against him, leaning her head to his arm.

"Where are we going?" She asked, trying to catch her breath.

Loki smirked. "Back to bed."

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><p>A little fluff piece is all!<p> 


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